Honesty is the best policy? (Queen, Europe, quote, Inci)

adidasss · 03-03-2007, 03:41 PM

I've got a situation, me and an on line friend, whom I've just been getting to know better in real life, have been debating about films when an evil-fag-bitch-from-hell (that apparently has a hard on for me) stepped in and per usual started insulting me left and right. The problem occurred when she decided to take his side, and ridicule me along with him. That took be by surprise a little and I thought that wasn't very "friendly" of her. Now, I don't have a very good rep there (or perhaps here either) because I tend to be honest and act on impulse, when something bugs me or when someone insults me I go a-wall and fight back as hard as I can. Now I have two choices, either tell her that she wasn't very fair and that she shouldn't have done that (in my mind, when two of your friends that obviously don't like each other get into an argument and a rather nasty one at that, it is a major faux pas to take sides) or ignore the issue in hopes of staying on good terms with that new friend. I have a feeling, seeing as how we don't know each other for very long, that if I choose the former, that would be the end of our friendship.

What doest thou think?

right-track · 03-03-2007, 03:51 PM

Link please.

swim · 03-03-2007, 03:55 PM

^I have a good guess it's in croatian. Well that was my guess. I'd say let once slide and anything after say not cool. If they still do it after you say it bothers you then they're not that great of a friend.

adidasss · 03-03-2007, 03:56 PM

Haha..it's in Croatian...

right-track · 03-03-2007, 03:57 PM

Explain your disappointment with her in the same way you explained in your opening post.
If she doesn't apologise then tell her to get fucked.

adidasss · 03-03-2007, 04:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by swimintheundertow

^I have a good guess it's in croatian. Well that was my guess. I'd say let once slide and anything after say not cool. If they still do it after you say it bothers you then they're not that great of a friend.

Yeah, well during the argument, she had jabbed me saying something along the lines of "I'm not really sure about that (it doesn't matter what it was), but should I comment anyways like you do sometimes?" which is what TEFBFH uses as the principle argument against me. Now that stung a little....my response was (half jokingly) "that was totally uncalled for!

". But then after that she continued to side with him, which wouldn't have been so big of a problem if she hadn't actually ridiculed me (I go nuts when someone tries to do that)....which you know, is rather uncool. I mean, I know I'm a drama queen, but when it comes to friends, I tend to completely trust them not to insult me in front of others...you can say what you like to me in private, but doing it in front of others, especially when she knows I hate that guys guts....I don't know, I honestly can't judge the situation, all I know is I feel a bit let down by her, somehow, and I can't deny that it stung. Now if I say something, she's gonna write it off as me being an oversensitive bitch (which I am but still), or say "lighten up" or whatever.

Sparky · 03-03-2007, 04:16 PM

meh, don't worry about it. I have a tendency to over-exaggerate when my friends make fun of me. Just learn to have good humor about yourself, and aren't all you Europeans upsessed with sick humor involving the other person being degraded?

thats what i picked up when i traveled there.

o-and if its an online friend, does it really matter anyway?

right-track · 03-03-2007, 04:18 PM

^ They have an honour thing going on.

Marijan...was it a personal attack or just a difference of opinions?

adidasss · 03-03-2007, 04:31 PM

Well, I allow people to make fun of me when I know there's no malice behind it. Such things are allowed between friends, good friends I should think. The situation here is that she sided with a guy I have frequent and very very nasty arguments with (MB is extremely polite and friendly compared to that place), plus, it's not as if we have known each other for years and are BFF's or something. I thought she was rather cool, she's from my town so we hung out a few times with the possibility of the relationship going forward. But as it stands, we're still not at a level where we could just say anything to each other and work it out. It's too superficial at this point.

I haven't managed to make a lot of friends there, she's one of the few that I felt was on a similar wave length. And I'm sorta stuck with that forum because it's really the only way I can be in contact with other gay people (there's no club or anything here and I'm rather antisocial).

I'm seriously considering leaving it, there's just this immense negative vibe about it, all arguments go unmoderated, anyone is free to insult others as badly as they wish...[sigh] And now that I seem to be losing the few people I did get along with....I dunno....

Sad I am....

Sparky · 03-03-2007, 04:36 PM

i always pick a side against my friends given the chance. Its always refreshing to see them get yelled at

I think your just been a little over the top, i bet she'll apologize if she knew you were feeling that bad. Its practically impossible to judge how someone is feeling off the internet.

What was the argument by the way?

03-03-2007, 03:41 PM	#1 (permalink)
adidasss Slavic gay sauce Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Abu Dhabi Posts: 7,993	Honesty is the best policy? I've got a situation, me and an on line friend, whom I've just been getting to know better in real life, have been debating about films when an evil-fag-bitch-from-hell (that apparently has a hard on for me) stepped in and per usual started insulting me left and right. The problem occurred when she decided to take his side, and ridicule me along with him. That took be by surprise a little and I thought that wasn't very "friendly" of her. Now, I don't have a very good rep there (or perhaps here either) because I tend to be honest and act on impulse, when something bugs me or when someone insults me I go a-wall and fight back as hard as I can. Now I have two choices, either tell her that she wasn't very fair and that she shouldn't have done that (in my mind, when two of your friends that obviously don't like each other get into an argument and a rather nasty one at that, it is a major faux pas to take sides) or ignore the issue in hopes of staying on good terms with that new friend. I have a feeling, seeing as how we don't know each other for very long, that if I choose the former, that would be the end of our friendship. What doest thou think? __________________ “Think of what a paradise this world would be if men were kind and wise.” - Kurt Vonnegut, Cat's Cradle. Last.fm

03-03-2007, 03:55 PM	#3 (permalink)
swim dontcareaboutyou Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: North Carolina Posts: 5,188	^I have a good guess it's in croatian. Well that was my guess. I'd say let once slide and anything after say not cool. If they still do it after you say it bothers you then they're not that great of a friend. __________________ http://nakednaps.bandcamp.com/

03-03-2007, 03:56 PM	#4 (permalink)
adidasss Slavic gay sauce Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Abu Dhabi Posts: 7,993	Haha..it's in Croatian... __________________ “Think of what a paradise this world would be if men were kind and wise.” - Kurt Vonnegut, Cat's Cradle. Last.fm

03-03-2007, 04:31 PM	#9 (permalink)
adidasss Slavic gay sauce Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Abu Dhabi Posts: 7,993	Well, I allow people to make fun of me when I know there's no malice behind it. Such things are allowed between friends, good friends I should think. The situation here is that she sided with a guy I have frequent and very very nasty arguments with (MB is extremely polite and friendly compared to that place), plus, it's not as if we have known each other for years and are BFF's or something. I thought she was rather cool, she's from my town so we hung out a few times with the possibility of the relationship going forward. But as it stands, we're still not at a level where we could just say anything to each other and work it out. It's too superficial at this point. I haven't managed to make a lot of friends there, she's one of the few that I felt was on a similar wave length. And I'm sorta stuck with that forum because it's really the only way I can be in contact with other gay people (there's no club or anything here and I'm rather antisocial). I'm seriously considering leaving it, there's just this immense negative vibe about it, all arguments go unmoderated, anyone is free to insult others as badly as they wish...[sigh] And now that I seem to be losing the few people I did get along with....I dunno.... Sad I am.... __________________ “Think of what a paradise this world would be if men were kind and wise.” - Kurt Vonnegut, Cat's Cradle. Last.fm

03-03-2007, 03:51 PM	#2 (permalink)
right-track Atchin' Akai Join Date: May 2005 Location: Unamerica Posts: 8,723	Link please.

03-03-2007, 03:57 PM	#5 (permalink)
right-track Atchin' Akai Join Date: May 2005 Location: Unamerica Posts: 8,723	Explain your disappointment with her in the same way you explained in your opening post. If she doesn't apologise then tell her to get fucked.

03-03-2007, 04:16 PM	#7 (permalink)
Sparky not really Join Date: Jan 2007 Posts: 5,223	meh, don't worry about it. I have a tendency to over-exaggerate when my friends make fun of me. Just learn to have good humor about yourself, and aren't all you Europeans upsessed with sick humor involving the other person being degraded? thats what i picked up when i traveled there. o-and if its an online friend, does it really matter anyway?

03-03-2007, 04:18 PM	#8 (permalink)
right-track Atchin' Akai Join Date: May 2005 Location: Unamerica Posts: 8,723	^ They have an honour thing going on. Marijan...was it a personal attack or just a difference of opinions?

03-03-2007, 04:36 PM	#10 (permalink)
Sparky not really Join Date: Jan 2007 Posts: 5,223	i always pick a side against my friends given the chance. Its always refreshing to see them get yelled at I think your just been a little over the top, i bet she'll apologize if she knew you were feeling that bad. Its practically impossible to judge how someone is feeling off the internet. What was the argument by the way?