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11-09-2005, 04:20 AM
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#11 (permalink) |
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Music Addict
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 277
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I really liked it but try this...
Statistics show that 1 out of every 3 Americans suffer from a mental illness. look at your three best friends...If they're okay, then it's you.
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www.myspace.com/emeraldskyrock |
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11-09-2005, 11:33 AM
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#15 (permalink) |
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sith goddess
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: In the deepest pit of your mind
Posts: 40
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UH.......................oooookk. well the teacher-student joke was kinda.... not funny and the original joke was ok i guess.
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LAY THE LINE OF YOUR LIFE ON THE LINE OF THE CROSS!!!!! |
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11-09-2005, 04:00 PM
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#17 (permalink) |
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Queen Of Hearts
Join Date: May 2005
Location: In A House
Posts: 28
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A little boy was lost at a large shopping mall.
He approached a uniformed security guard and said, "I've lost my grandpa!" The cop asked, "What's he like?" The little boy replied, "Jack Daniels and women with big boobs." Mum walked into the bathroom one day & found young Johnny furiously scrubbing his penis with a toothbrush and toothpaste. "What the hell do you think you're doing, young man!" she exclaimed. "Don't try to stop me!" Johnny warned. "I'm gonna do this three times a day, because there's no way I'm gonna get a cavity that looks and smells as bad as my sister's." A little boy came down to breakfast. Since he lived on a farm, his mother asked if he had done his chores. “Not yet,” said the little boy. His mother tells him he can't have any breakfast until he does his chores. Well, he's a little pissed, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken. He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow. He goes to feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig. He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal. “How come I don't get any eggs and bacon? Why don't I have any milk in my cereal?” he asks. “Well,” his mother says, “I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon, either. I also saw you kick the cow, so you aren't getting any milk this morning.” Just about then, his father comes down for breakfast, and he kicks the cat as he's walking into the kitchen. The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile, and says, “Are you going to tell him, or should I?” There's a little fellow named Junior who hangs out at the local grocery store. The manager doesn't know what Junior's problem is, but the boys like to tease him. They say he is two bricks short of a load, or his elevator doesn't go all the way to the top. To prove it, sometimes the boys offer Junior his choice between a nickel and a dime. He always takes the nickel, they say, because it's bigger. One day after Junior grabbed the nickel, the store manager got him off to one side and said, "Junior, those boys are making fun of you. They think you don't know the dime is worth more than the nickel. Are you grabbing the nickel because it's bigger, or what?" Junior said, "Well, if I took the dime, they'd quit doing it!" A Mom is driving her little girl to a friend’s house for a play date. “Mommy,” the little girl asks, “how old are you?” “Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age,” the mother warns. “It is not polite.” “Ok,” the little girl says. “How much do you weigh?” “Now really,” the mother says, “these are personal questions, and really none of your business.” Undaunted, the little girl asks, “Why did you and daddy get a divorce?” “That is enough questions, honestly!” The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play. “My Mom wouldn’t tell me anything,” the little girl says to her friend. “Well,” said the friend, “all you need to do is look at her drivers license. It is like a report card—it has everything on it.” Later that night, the little girl says to her mother, “I know how old you are. You are 32.” The mother is surprised and asks, “How did you find that out?” “I also know that you weigh 140 pounds.” The mother is past surprise and shocked now. “How in heaven’s name did you find that out?” “And,” the little girl says triumphantly, “I know why you and daddy got a divorce.” “Oh really?” the mother asks. “And why’s that?” “Because you got an F in sex.” Young Justin has a cursing problem, and his father’s getting tired of it. He decides to ask a shrink what to do. The shrink says, “Negative reinforcement. Since Christmas is coming up, ask Justin what he wants from Santa. If he curses while he tells you his wish list, leave a pile of dog poop in place of each gift he requests.” Two days before Christmas, Justin’s father asks him what he wants for Christmas. “I want a damn teddy bear lying beside me when I wake up. When I go downstairs, I want to see a damn train going around the damn tree. And when I go outside, I want to see a damn bike leaning up against the damn garage.” On Christmas morning, Justin wakes up and rolls into a pile of dog poop. Confused, he walks downstairs and sees another pile under the tree. He walks outside, looks at a huge pile of dog poo by the garage, and walks inside. His dad smiles and asks, “What did Santa bring you this year?” Justin replies, “I think I got a goddamn dog, but I can’t find the son of a bitch!”
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Somewhere in Texas a village is missing their idiot. HAHAHA.......... I don't get it. |
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