Im sending you nudes for xmas....

that's an offwhite mallard, son!! Best come correct...

And I don't care what vodka snobs drink...if it ain't golden retriever, it ain't a crowd pleaser!!!

puppy's first words..."arf arf!!"

Anybody seen my keys? They were in my pocket earlier...

Did you get a haircut?

I did. Honestly, though, I think I need a nose job. I look too much like a Jew.

Go ahead, but I've heard that nasal sex really isn't that good.

I just need to go to Scandinavia, where the dicks are so small that they can accommodate my Jew nose.

*cough* half an inch longer *cough*

5.6" is nothing to brag about.