If that really had been a person with zero extremities, I'd be quite the bully for challenging him to a winner-keep-cat kitty ear massage competition.

My cat ear scratching is the best it's ever been, you'd lose embarrassingly.

Then I presume you're well aware that the inside of a cat's ear (along with the underside of his/her chin), are the top two out-of-reach spots for a cat to scratch on his/her own, and that careful steps must be taken to scratch said itchy parts without rubbing the outer fur in the wrong direction.

I'm world-renowned at these two techniques (which I have actually combined into a fusion rub called the Itchy Effleurage), and have spent the better part of thirty years honing this craft. I could have any cat I wanted... Luckily for fellow cat owners, I'm not the home-wrecking type.

I've found the chin-scratching/rubbing method to be far more effective than ear-rubbing, but perhaps I just put more finger strength into it than you do. Two seconds and any cat is a weak lump of putty on the ground.

Depends on the individual cat, but yes, the chin scratch will keep the staunchest Tomcat coming back home, especially if you combine the two massage techniques simultaneously.

Edit: never challenge the finger strength of a former cosmetologist.

I'm also a dude, and dudes are brutish thugs who manhandle their animals with little regard to their feelings on the matter, because eventually they'll realize that we were right all along.

You win.

I think I grew some more chest hair just from reading that.

That's saying something from an ethnic Slav.

I'm actually medium hairy, so there's some room for further manification.