All the way back fifty years, and November 1972 saw this single top the charts.
https://i.ytimg.com/vi/fjiTOXHd7kQ/hqdefault.jpg
Title: “Mouldy Old Dough”
Artist: Lieutenant Pigeon
Nationality: English
Genre: Pub Rock
Written by: Nigel Fletcher, Rob Woodward
Original release date: February 1972
Progress to the top: Although a complete flop on its initial release, second time round was the charm and it entered the chart at 38 on September 16, moving into the top 20 the next week and then to the number 3 and then 2 spot, until the next week it reached the top and remained there for four weeks.
Weeks spent at number one: 4
From the album: Mouldy Old Music
What do I know about this artist? Nothing
What do I think of this single? One of the old quirks of the seventies, an instrumental single with one or two sung lines; a real oddity but somehow catchy.
What have I learned about this single? That one of the band members’ mothers played the piano on it, that it was only successful after flopping by way of a Belgian TV show, whose popularity pushed the song into the Belgian charts and had the UK label give it another go, whereupon it raced to number one. It says the title refers to a jazz phrase “vo-de-o-do”, though it does not say what this means.
My rating: A

So back to the chart proper we go, and while of course now it’s Christmas time, at least chartwise, I’m going back a month because otherwise every fucking other record is a Christmas one, and that’s not what this is about. Plus I’m out of sickbags. So, this time the RNG brings me a number even lower than 33, this being 38.

And this year, a month ago, we find this at that position.
https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikiped...Influence.jpeg
Title: “Under the Influence”
Artist: Chris Brown
Nationality: American
Genre: R&B/Pop
Written by: Ayoola Oladapo Agboola, Chris Brown, David Adedeji Adeleke, Tiffany McKie
Original release date: September 6 2022
Highest chart position (at time of writing): 7 (UK) 14 (USA) ***
Chart position (at time of writing): 38
Progress, if any, at time of writing: Descending
From the album: Indigo
What do I know about this artist? Not much; some link to Whitney Houston I think, something about domestic violence? Not my kind of music though I have heard the name. Oh I see it wasn't Whitney Houston, it was Rihanna. Leave me alone: I'm old and to quote Mr. Hall, out of touch. If | was ever in touch, that is.
What do I think of this single? You know, it’s not terrible. I could do, as ever, without the autotune (Trademark Registered to Hell Music Plc.) but it’s a slow, grinding sort of almost ballad with a measured beat and not a terrible amount of boasting or preening. Don’t quite get the Codeine aspect to be honest; he does mention Robitussin at the beginning (who would have ever thought a cough bottle for kids would feature in a chart single?) but other than that, kind of a standard bump’n’grind love song. Wouldn’t be completely averse to hearing it again. Surprisingly decent.
What have I learned about this single? That it’s about having sex under the influence of Codeine, which if you ask me is a strange drug to choose. I know it’s addictive but was he just bored of writing about snorting coke or shooting heroin? Apparently it was what’s called a “sleeper hit”, having been initially recorded for release on the expanded version of his album in 2019, but then going viral for some reason and thereafter entering the charts. It made Brown the first r&b artist in history to have over fifty hits in the top forty, it says here.
My rating: A


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pfxyk1glEq4

*** Got higher (no pun intended) in the dance charts or something, but I'm only taking the mainstream ones into account here.

And so going back 10 years, what was residing at number 38 in 2012?
Well, this.
https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikiped...shgolddust.jpg

Title: “Gold Dust”
Artist: DJ Fresh
Nationality: English
Genre: Drum and Bass
Written by: Dan Stein
Original release date: December 2 2012 (re-re-release)
Highest chart position (at time of writing): 22 (UK)
Chart position (at time of writing): 38
Progress, if any, at time of writing: Rising
From the album: Kryptonite
What do I know about this artist? Not a thing
What do I think of this single? Meh, it’s all right I suppose. Somebody is wetting themselves on the Wiki page about the skipping video that accompanies it, like "OMG THIS IS AMAZING U HAVE 2 SEE IT!” Bollocks. It’s interesting, it’s skilful but I wouldn’t go mad about it. Decent enough tune but no more than that. I suppose the video makes it more than it is. Not my thing at all.
What have I learned about this single? Like a lot of dance music (to use a probably inappropriate term) it’s seen release in various versions, the first being in 2008 and then a re-release in 2010, with this being a remix.
My rating: B

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RNuUgbUzM8U

And further back we go, into the very edges of the twenty-first century. In 2002 this was at number 38.
https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikiped.../Poor_leno.jpg
Title: “Poor Leno”
Artist: Röyksopp
Nationality: Norwegian
Genre: Electronica, Progressive House
Written by: Svein Berge, Torbjørn Brundtland, Erlend Øye
Original release date: December 3 2001
Highest chart position (at time of writing): 38
Chart position (at time of writing): 38
Progress, if any, at time of writing: None; new entry and its highest position anyway
From the album: Melody A.M.
What do I know about this artist? Nothing
What do I think of this single? It’s okay. Has a nice beat to it though the singing is a little drony and the video that accompanies it and tells the story is somewhat upsetting.
What have I learned about this single? Very little. It was used in some videogame (SSX 3). It was originally released in 2001 where it did even more poorly, getting only to 59. Didn’t exactly set the charts alight the second time either, entering at 38, and going no further. Not sure why they bothered to be honest.
My rating: B

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B4px0qQrG5E

So off to another century we go, and into the depths of 1992, where this was hoping to get higher than 38.

https://i.ebayimg.com/images/g/tGgAA...bj7/s-l500.jpg
Title: “Who Can Make Me Feel Good?”
Artist: Bassheads
Nationality: English
Genre: House
Written by: Eamonn Anthony Deery
Original release date: Dunno; I can only find the year. It was that important, yeah.
Highest chart position (at time of writing): 38
Chart position (at time of writing): 38
Progress, if any, at time of writing: None; new entry and that’s as far as it got
From the album: N/A
What do I know about this artist? British House duo who pissed Roger and Dave off when they used samples from “Is There Anybody Out There?” as well as others like Afrika Bambatta and, um, The Osmonds. Though not on this single. Seems like they had a few very very minor hits, this being one of their last, and then broke up. Not exactly a stellar career then.
What do I think of this single? Not a lot. I decided to take a listen to the one they got in trouble with Floyd on, their remix of “Is There Anybody Out There?” and I quite liked what I heard. It was nine minutes and change so I didn’t listen to it all, but I certainly liked it more than I like this one. Very harsh, pounding House-style piano with some woman singing (possibly sampled) in a quite high-pitched tone which really does nothing for me at all.
What have I learned about this single? Nothing at all.
My rating: C+

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gq_dHQ-PPE4

Back to my favourite decade then, 1982 saw this at 38 - ah now ye’re talkin’!
https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikiped...reIGoAgain.jpg

Title: “Here I Go Again”
Artist: Whitesnake
Nationality: English
Genre: Hard Rock, Blues Rock
Written by: David Coverdale, Bernie Marsden
Original release date: October 1982
Highest chart position (at time of writing): 34 (re-released in 1987 and hit number 1 in the US and 9 in the UK)
Chart position (at time of writing): 38
Progress, if any, at time of writing: Rising
From the album: Saints & Sinners
What do I know about this artist? Ah, Whitesnake! Many was the night I listened to Live.. In the Heart of the City, Lovehunter, Come an’ Get It or Slide it in! Good times, good times. One of the premier British hair metal bands of the 1980s, then Coverdale had to get all up himself and that was that. Marsden slays though.
What do I think of this single? Love it. It’s a classic power ballad with real punch, and who doesn’t remember Coverdale’s uber-sexy wife in the video? Ah. Might just have to go watch it just one more time. For research, you understand, of course.
What have I learned about this single? Nothing I didn’t really know already. I knew it was re-released five years later and was far more successful, with for some reason the word “hobo” in the chorus being changed to “drifter”, and I always wondered if it was because the word was being mistaken for “homo”? Seems odd, but there you go. Great song, and Coverdale could really belt the tunes out back then. Still, despite the sexy video I have to say I prefer the original: there’s more honesty, more soul and aching need in this one, whereas the ‘87 version is polished to the nines and you get more of the confident swagger, whereas here he seems much more down to earth. Oh well, whichever version you prefer, it’s a killer song, the likes of which we will probably never hear again.
My rating: A+++

Which takes us all the way back to 1972, when another hair metal legend was creeping up the chart but currently at number 38.
https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikiped...ig-Wam_Bam.jpg

Title: “Wig-Wam Bam”
Artist: The Sweet
Nationality: English
Genre: Glam Rock
Written by: Nicki Chinn, Mike Chapman
Original release date: September 1 1972
Highest chart position (at time of writing): 4
Chart position (at time of writing): 38
Progress, if any, at time of writing: Descending
From the album: The Sweet
What do I know about this artist? One of the big glam rock bands of the 1970s, Sweet all but formed the soundtrack to that era, with hits such as “Fox on the Run”, “Ballroom Blitz” and “BlockBuster”, also heard on the TV series Life on Mars.
What do I think of this single? It’s not their best, and as the genre says above, a bit more bubblegum pop than glam rock, or anything rock really, and the lyric would certainly have had a lot of SJWs flying to Twitter and Facebook in protest, but hey, it was the seventies, there was no harm meant, and I doubt many Native Americans took offence. Fun, remember that? No? It was quite big in the seventies.
What have I learned about this single? It was apparently the first single The Sweet released on which they actually played their instruments, having had a backing band prior to this, and is actually based on the poem Hiawatha by Longfellow, so I guess it’s not just appropriating Native American culture (unless you accept/assume Longfellow was doing that anyway). It was also the first song on which the bass player joined in on the singing, a style the band would adopt after this. Seen, too, as their first real glam rock single, though I wouldnt’t personally call it glam rock. Or any rock.
My rating: A-

And so to the top of the charts over fifty years again.
It makes little sense for me to stay in the one year and keep going back to the same years, so I’m stepping back one, which means we now check out what was at number one in 2021, 2011, 2001, 1991, 1981 and 1971. And we begin with a year ago (well, technically two, as we’re now in 2023, but you know what I mean).


https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikiped...Easy_on_Me.png
Title: “Easy On Me”
Artist: Adele
Nationality: English
Genre: Pop
Written by: Adele Adkins, Greg Kurstin
Original release date: October 15 2021
Progress to the top: Came straight in at number one. Oddly enough, after spending seven weeks at the top it then dropped to number 2 for two weeks and then fell dramatically to 28, then 38 and then made a dramatic resurgence in the second week of the new year, taking the number one spot again, this time for one week before slowly falling back out. It took almost half of the rest of the year - five months - to fall out of the top forty and yet remained in the overall top 100 until June.
Weeks spent at number one: 7
From the album: 30
What do I know about this artist? Not a damn thing. I’ve heard her name all over the place but I have never heard one single song from her.
What do I think of this single? Decent enough piano ballad, but I have to say I don’t like her voice. This is the first time I’ve heard it (no, really) and it’s a bit too harsh and raw for my tastes. The song has a kind of country feel, but I also get the clear impression of the idea that it’s not her fault what happened, which is perhaps not really the sort of thing you want your kid hearing - no real attempt to take responsibility or the blame, and I can’t really hear any apology here, just excuses. Meh. For my first encounter with Adele, have to say, not impressed much.
What have I learned about this single? Apparently a plea to her son to forgive her for the breakup of her marriage.
My rating: B

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U3ASj1L6_sY[/youtube]

Back in time we go again then, to see what was topping the chart in 2011. Oh look, it's yer wan.

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikiped...Found_Love.png
Title: “We Found Love”
Artist: Rihanna featuring Calvin Harris
Nationality: Barbadian (and Scottish)
Genre: Electro-House, Dance Pop
Written by: Calvin Harris
Original release date: September 22 2011
Progress to the top: Came straight in, but after spending three weeks at number one made a very slow drop to 3 and then 2, then experienced a resurgence and again took the number one spot for another three weeks. Dropped over four weeks to number 10 and then returned to number 5 a week after that, starting to drop then, almost leaving the top 40 on February 24 but yet again rallied and came back to the number 26 spot by March. After that it sort of bounced up and down a little but the highest it got was 39 on May 5, after which it began its slow retreat out of the top 100, falling finally to the bottom on August 18 2012.
Weeks spent at number one: 3 (6 non-consecutive)
From the album: Talk That Talk
What do I know about this artist? Very little. I’ve heard that song about the parasol and I know she was involved in various things but again she’s way outside my wheelhouse.
What do I think of this single? Meh. It’s pretty empty. As most reviewers have pointed out, it’s basically the one line repeated, and it gets tiresome. The house beat is enough to make you either want to get high and dance your brains out or dash those brains out on a wall. I know which I’d choose. No, it’s not the first. Hey, I admit it can be seen as catchy, infectious. But then, so is Covid.
What have I learned about this single? That it was written by Calvin Harris, who was pretty much unknown outside of his home shores, but that this made him a household name. Possibly the first time she teamed up with anyone. Or not. Don’t care.
My rating: C+

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tg00YEETFzg

Ten years prior to that, and we were bothered with this at number one.
https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikiped...8SClub7%29.jpg
Title: “Have You Ever”
Artist: S Club 7
Nationality: English
Genre: Pop
Written by: Cathy Dennis, Andrew Frampton, Chris Braide
Original release date: November 17 2001
Progress to the top: Straight in, then a pretty standard slip down the charts till by January of 2002 it was outside the top 40, after which it continued on a fairly predictable slide - with the odd bump - to the bottom, exiting the chart at the beginning of March.
Weeks spent at number one: 1
From the album: Sunshine
What do I know about this artist? Created by the same guy who made the Spice Girls, Simon Fuller, they became another franchise and helped in the general slide towards mediocrity that is pop music today.
What do I think of this single? Christ on toast! It’s a basic sugary ballad with nothing new or original about it. I feel like I put on about three pounds just listening to the damn thing. Bet it only got to number one because of the charity thing. Also, did not hear any children’s voices (see below).
What have I learned about this single? Song was played on, though not written for, the BBC charity programme Children in Need, and apparently features the voices of kids from a whole lot of schools across Britain. Meh.
My rating: B-