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Old 08-20-2018, 06:16 PM   #31 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by adidasss View Post
Absolutely not, in the last 10 years or so their writing has improved dramatically, especially in the last few years with Conde Nast. They have some of the best writers in the bizz now probably. Just check out some of the Sunday specials when they dig up an album from the past that they didn't reveiw (or they'd like to revisit), I learn a lot of stuff from those.
I'm not sure why but I rarely ever take a music review site that seriously. Considering its almost impossible for a reviewer to know how I portray an album. Idk, maybe I just get tired of the same monotonous tasks of reading a review of Kid A for the 1000th time. Just gets old.
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Old 08-20-2018, 06:57 PM   #32 (permalink)
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why they have deftones reviews but not korn ..????
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Old 08-20-2018, 07:52 PM   #33 (permalink)
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why they have deftones reviews but not korn ..????
Ikr. Just have neither. Make it easy.
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Old 08-21-2018, 06:40 AM   #34 (permalink)
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They once did a review i think where it was just a monkey peeing on itself or something lmao
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On this one your voice is kind of weird but really intense and awesome
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Old 08-21-2018, 06:55 AM   #35 (permalink)
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They once did a review i think where it was just a monkey peeing on itself or something lmao
They reviewed Frownland's music?
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Old 08-21-2018, 08:56 AM   #36 (permalink)
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They once did a review i think where it was just a monkey peeing on itself or something lmao
https://pitchfork.com/reviews/albums/9464-shine-on/

Classic. Although sadly the linked video no longer plays...

That reminds me of another zinger:

https://pitchfork.com/reviews/albums...tie-traumatic/
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Old 08-21-2018, 09:01 AM   #37 (permalink)
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More on Jet: https://pitchfork.com/reviews/albums/4338-get-born/

Quote:
"Jet! You're finally here! Nice to meet you; I'm Vali, I run the venue. Jesus, guys, I wasn't sure you were gonna show up tonight."

"Sorry, man. You know, bitches."

"Nice. But listen: You guys got a job to do now. We got a packed house, like, 50,000 ****faced Americans out there and upwards of five Belgian exchange students, all of them dying for a fresh take on the old-school rock 'n' roll. You Aussie sons of bitches think you can handle that? I mean not that I'm worried, I have complete faith in you guys. Just go out there and give them what they want."

"Wait, man, are you telling us what to do? **** you, we're Jet! Wherever we play people sleep with us."

"That's great, but the crowd's getting anxious. You gotta get out there and play 'Last Chance'. People will love the **** out of that one."

"Hey, all you American mother****ers, we're Jet! Here's a song that sounds like AC/DC, a band you love."

"What the? They're booing?! Guys, quick, get back over here. We gotta rethink our strategy."

"Man, American crowds are ****ed up. Everybody loves AC/DC. That song is practically an AC/DC song."

"Guys, guys, don't worry about it, the crowd just needs to get warmed up. Go out there and do your big hit, 'Are You Gonna Be My Girl'. Seriously, the crowd is gonna eat this **** up. We got all the AV effects you wanted: Right now we got event security bringing out thirty ****in' angry alligators with top hats on, Iggy Pop's gonna shoot out of that cannon, and midway through we're gonna send in the kid from the iPod commercial. Still working on the Oxycontin, though, sorry."

"Man, that's bull****!"

"Listen, Vali, those alligators better be angry."

"Yeah, and no beret ****, either. The alligators want top hats."

"Fine, okay, done. Look, the crowd wants you back, just get back out there. Everything's all set. This time, the ****'s gonna rock."

"Hey *******s, it's us again, Jet! Here's the song you came to hear, a shameless rip-off of 'Lust for Life' by Iggy Pop, who is here with us tonight in this cannon."

"'**** Jet!'"? Is that what the kids are screaming? Woof! Guys, get back here!"

"I cannot ****ing believe this! Don't these people know who Iggy Pop is?!"

"Guys, I don't know what to tell you. I think you need to do some ballads. The crowd wants to hear some ballads. You got anything that sounds like Oasis, The Wallflowers, Bon Jovi?"

"**** you, man, we have songs that sound exactly like those guys. These kids won't know the difference. Awright, mother****ers, let's get out there and melt some hearts. Hello again, Americans! Do you like insipid love songs that sound like wedding band covers? Get ready for five of them!"

"Jet! You guys are covered in ****! What's going on out there?"

"They threw their **** at us!"

"Wow, I have never seen that happen before. I'm sorry about this, but you guys are gonna need to come up huge. Do you have anything you can do?"

"We have a couple songs that sound like the Stones."

"Perfect! Everybody loves the Stones. Just get out there and do them. Maybe throw in a song called 'Get What You Need', which theoretically would sport a pilfered Kinks' guitar riff from 'All Day and All of the Night' and a bassline kidnapped from The Temptations' 'Get Ready'. If there's one thing Americans love, it is Rock-Motown. Just go give them some Stones, which they love, then a little honky-tonk piano because that's awesome, then close with some Rock-Motown."

"Oh my god, this is terrible. Jet! Come here. Stop playing. Listen, you guys are not going over at all. I can count the people out there on one fist. You better bail out quick."

"Dude, I don't understand. We sound like everyone's favorite old rock bands, we have insipid lyrics, we say 'Come On!' and 'Oh Yeah!' every five seconds, we have no discernable identity, and we're from Australia. What could people possibly dislike about us?"

"No idea, brah. Listen, why don't you do one more song, like about how DJs aren't actually musicians and you don't get how they pull tail."

"Oh, you mean 'Rollover DJ'? The one that goes, 'You've been playing other people's songs all night,' right?"

"Yes, that is exactly the song I'm talking about."
I think they were going for comedy or something...:/
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Old 02-07-2022, 06:59 AM   #38 (permalink)
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It's not the whole review but this intro snipped made me cringe a bit:

Quote:
Cate Le Bon’s wondrous sixth album exists in a waking dreamscape whose locked-in grooves approach the unknowable at slanted angles.
https://pitchfork.com/reviews/albums...e-bon-pompeii/

I'll listen to it anyway, but jeez Louise...
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Old 02-07-2022, 07:26 AM   #39 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by YorkeDaddy View Post
They once did a review i think where it was just a monkey peeing on itself or something lmao
Yeah it was for that second Jet album.

Best review to come out of early Pitchfork tbh.
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A whole bunch of stupid sh*t that I regret
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