Trollheart

I learned the hard way. Some people rather the paint-by-numbers version than an Old (very old) Master....
This is a correct statement.

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Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018

Trollheart

Here's a hangover from Metal Month III....


We've had some pretty strange crossovers here --- Country, Black Metal than isn't black metal, and even disco. But we've saved the oddest till last. I had no idea such a thing existed, but senors y senorinas, eet does! Holy frecoles! Ay caramba! And many other badly-chosen Mexican stereotypical quotes all used as a way to introduce you to...


Yes, it's finally happened! The most unlikely of linkups, the oddest of bedfellows, surely never the twain shall meet? But Metalachi are the world's first, and to date only, band who mix heavy metal and Mariachi music!

Legend has it, apparently, that the five boys, sent to America by their mother who could not afford to feed them and wasn't bothered anyway, landed on the shores of the land of the free to the sound of “Paranoid”, an album which completely took over their young lives and led to them forming the first ever band to mix their Mexican traditional fiesta music with our own favourite poison. Their website makes hilarious reading, but here is what I've robbed from it.

I'm not entirely sure who does what, but from the pictures this is what I guess:

Vega DelaRockha (Vocals)
Pancho Rockafeller (Guitar. Really, really BIG Guitar! Check the pic)
El Cucuy (Trumpets)
Ramon Holiday (You've got to love these names!) (Guitars?)
Maximillian “Dirty” Sanchez (Violin)
Warren Moscow (I'm gonna say drums. Edit: there are no drums, so I don't know what the fuck he does.)

The band released their first album, imaginatively titled Uno in 2012, and yes, I'm only discovering them now. What YOU been doing, huh? I'm told though that to really appreciate them you need to hear and see them live, but since I'm not heading to LA any time soon, this will have to do for now.

Uno --- Metalachi --- 2012 (Yardart Entertainment)

Luckily I was able to find this on Spotify, as I had worried it would be so niche that neither of the big two would have it (word to GPM users: they say they have it but they don't) so we can dive right in and the album kicks off with Ozzy's “Crazy Train” with a ig joyous roar of “All aboard!”, much laughter, “Me gusta!” and so on, then the song gets going on mostly violin and trumpets, putting a real Mariachi slant on the classic song from the ex-Sabs man. Then the vocalist (let's assume that's Vega) says “Vamamos!” and off they go. I love the cackling voices and whoops in the background which really add to the Mexican flavour, then a really nice violin solo from Sanchez, more whoopin' hollerin' and laughin' before we pile into “Rainbow in the dark”. This kicks off with a trumpet solo, more laughing, shouts of “Hondelay!” and so on, then the guitars take it mostly, with violin added in, some beautfully Mexican trumpet sliding in too. A great chorus and then the keyboard arpeggio is trumpets and violins to the mex. Sorry, max. It's played at a slower tempo than Dio's original of course, but it's a great version and it's fuckin' hilarious!

A truly special trumpet solo and then it all slows down on sad, melancholy guitar and violin, the vocal grinding to a snail's pace, trumpet slipping in too before it kicks up again for the big finish. I'm not sure who originally recorded “Man in a box” (I'm sure someone here will roll their eyes and inform me) but it starts off with a whispered hiss, then “You wanna dance?” before the song gets going on guitar and trumpet with a great group vocal. As I say, I don't know the song so I can't really say how well they do it (though it does sound familiar now that I listen to it. Perhaps a quick Google search ... ah! I see it's Alice in Chains. Well no wonder I didn't know it. Wonder why it sounded familiar? Anyway, time to close this bracket; it's been open way too long and now I've even used a semicolon to further my grammatical transgressions!) but it's a great song.

Goes through a few different tempo changes, kicking up in the last minute as El Cucuy unleashes a fine trumpet solo, and into “Sweet child o' mine” we go! I'm of course very familiar with this one (and indeed with every other track from here on) so I can tell you that the famous guitar intro is done on violin! And done very well too. You know, maybe that last guy isn't a drummer. I haven't really heard anything yet that you could call percussion: maybe Mariachi bands don't use drums? Mexicans? Not using one of the effortlessly noisiest instruments in music? Surely not? A great trumpet solo while I head off to Wiki to check and read up on Mariachi bands. Okay I'm back. What did I miss? Oh and no, seems no drums of any sort figure in this style of music. So what does Warren Moscow play? Your guess is as good as mine, amigo!

Superb violin solo there, one of the best interpretations I've yet heard, and it leads into another excellent trumpet one. In some ways, I wonder if the lines “Where do we go now?” is particularly poignant for a bunch of Mexicans? Not that they need worry: where they're going is up and into full superstars surely. I love the fact that they tackle “Run to the hills” next; I can already hear “Ron to de heels!” Sorry. Trumpet opening, superb, and the lack of the drumbeat that pulls the song into the first verse is catered for by some great acoustic guitar work, and the baritone backing vocals are hilarious and then there's a brilliant violin solo which I believe Dave and Adrian would be busting a gut at, and also applauding. Of course Vega can't reach the kind of notes Bruce does, but he gives it a good go. Fair play to them.

Few metal albums would be complete without a power ballad of course, and Metalachi have chosen the Scorpions classic “Wind of change” (that'll be the burritos then) with some fine trumpet work from El Cucuy and a really nice group vocal. Sweet little acoustic guitar passage then, and violin as we head into the final chorus with trumpet leading the way. Mind you, if you're going to do a Led Zep cover I would have preferred something other than “Immigrant song”, but they make a good effort of it, with some very lively violin as Vega does a decent Planty, though he seems unable to keep a straight face. That baritone backing vocal is there again (not sure who does that) and of course trumpet has its say as El Cucuy weaves his crazy spell. Chula (El Chula Vista?) would probably love this but I'm not that familiar with the song to be able to tell whether they do a good version or not. It's certainly enjoyable though.

And that quickly, we're at the end. Yeah, the album only has eight tracks and runs for just over the half hour, but they do end strongly with a fine rendition of Bon Jovi's “Livin' on a prayer”. Sure, it's no man's metal, but that's not really the point: this is after all just for fun, and though these guys can really play and aren't just peesing --- sorry, pissing about, you can't take it too seriously. And if you're going to do a Bon Jovi song, especially in the mariachi style, this is the best one to do, other than “Wanted dead or alive”. Come to think of it, I wish they had done that. I can just see it now: “I'm a gaucho, on a steel horse I ride, I'm wan'ed dead or halive!” Pity. But yeah they do a good version of the big hit, mostly driven on trumpet and with some fine group vocals. I'd just like to have heard Metallica. Or Slayer. Oh yeah, fucking imagine that! Well, maybe next time amigos...

TRACKLISTING AND RATINGS

1. Crazy train (Ozzy Osbourne)
2. Rainbow in the dark (Dio)
3. Man in the box (Alice in Chains)
4. Sweet child o' mine (Guns'n'Roses)
5. Run to the hills (Iron Maiden)
6. Wind of change (Scorpions)
7. Immigrant song (Led Zeppelin)
8. Livin' on a prayer (Bon Jovi)

Look, only the stoniest of hearts and those without a shred of a sense of humour or enjoyment in their lives could fail to love this. Not everyone likes Mariachi, but one thing it is is fun, and these guys have fun on a major scale. Is it poking fun at metal? Well when have we ever cared about that? And is imitation not the sincerest form of flattery, and people usually satirise the things they know and care about, so what's the harm?

I think it's fucking fantastic, and I wish them all the best on their journey. You really should read their website for more hilarious insights into the band, especially the finally cleared-up mystery of the “disbanding” of Flesh Mess, and the reason Pancho thought he was a midget for years, to say nothing of the guys' epic trip across the Rio Grande in saddlebags attached to a burro!

Oh yeah, this is fun with a capital F, and some pretty fine music too. Well done muchachos, and here's to Dos. Arriba!


Footnote: What the fuck? I said above that I'd love to hear them take on Slayer, and would you believe it? It's not on the album, but here it is!

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Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018