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Old 10-14-2015, 01:35 PM   #71 (permalink)
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So wait do I have to send someone specifically a torture rec thing? Like did Orphiel challenge me or something?
In case you don't want to bother reading the OP, you're currently waiting to listen to that Gravedigger V album, courtesy of Orpihiel. The challenged is always first on the battle, then the challenger. Or, if you like, the tortured and the torturer.
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Old 10-14-2015, 04:13 PM   #72 (permalink)
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Ori have you a link for that Pebbles album? I'm having trouble tracking it down.Thanks.
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Old 10-14-2015, 04:18 PM   #73 (permalink)
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Ori have you a link for that Pebbles album? I'm having trouble tracking it down.Thanks.
Yeah. The tracklist is on discogs (http://www.discogs.com/Various-Pebbl.../master/185008) and the songs themselves can be found on youtube (here is a playlist containing all of them: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oC8u...-ubdm9frOW-hhu)
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Old 10-15-2015, 04:22 AM   #74 (permalink)
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Alright, let's do this ****.

I just woke up and I'm kinda grumpy, so there's a good chance TH will score some points.

1. Some piano, strings... A little cheesy, but doesn't sound especially bad.
I'm afraid what the singing will turn out to be like.
Okay, the singing is pretty douchey, but seriously not that annoying.
It all sounds like some song from a disney movie.
Fogelberg is a princess that longs for her saviour or something.
It gets more bombastic, with orchestra hits and harps and ****, but overall the song is pretty static.
Lol at the bells. This is seriously disneyish.
This will get annoying at album length, but I'll make it.
God, I hope there will be instrumentals.

2. Much more upbeat, some lame drums and electric guitars.
The singing sucks, but overall this is too bland to really hate it.
I couldn't masturbate to it though.
It's good I never notice lyrics. I'm pretty sure I'd cringe to death if I would.

3. Acoustic guitar. Ooooh, ballad.
Pretty bad, but not particularly annoying.
My neigbours are currently renovating.
The hammering makes the sugarriness more tolerable.
Hammer on, bro!
I'll just pretend this is some kind of ironic noise remix.
I hope they'll start drilling again soon.

4. There's slide guitar here.
Not much more to say about it.
This guy is great at writing forgetable stuff.
None of his melodies have the slightest chance to stay in your head.
Which is good, I'd hate to have an earworm from him.
Yeah, this is his attempt at country. Whatever.

5. Seems they are all ballads more or less.
This is a 'rock' ballad. Again some lame drumming and lame electric guitars.
Lol at his attempts to sing rockish at the more 'emotional' moments.
Generic guitar solos and organ chords. Kinda ridiculous, but when he shuts up it sounds almost meh.

6. No more ballads for now.
A terrible upbeat song with piano chords, drums, electric guitars...
His singing is more annoying than usual.
I want to hear him being sad, not happy. He doesn't deserve it.
The song's name is Love Gone By, so it probably actually is sad.
Whatever.
It's thankfully pretty short. As are most of the songs here.

7. Literally nothing stands out about this one.
Midtempo, bland instruments, bland melodies.
It could have already been three times on the album and I wouldn't have noticed.

8. This actually sounds kinda cool at the beginning.
Bossa nova vibe, acouctic guitars, some flute.
But then he starts singing and we're in Blandtown again.
Still, this might be the least terrible song here.
I'm beginning to suspect, that this album was made by putting just one singing track on various instrumentals.

9. A ballad, mostly acoustic guitar as instrument.
It's called Scarecrow's Dream.
Must. Not. Listen To. Lyrics.
I'm so glad I live alone. How embarassing would it be if someone walked in right now.
Yes, singing 'Doo-doo-doo' is a great idea, Dan. And just don't stop. Dick.
Just two more songs.

10. Will this all be his singing over a piano background?
Nope, there are also some swelling strings here.
His singing is higher here.
He sems to try to show of his singing skills here and jerks the vowels around a little bit.
It's annoying, but a little less bland than what he usually does.

11. A more upbeat song as a finisher.
An orchestral arrangement, but the usuall boring drumming added.
Can I endure this for almost five minutes? Yep.
Will I enjoy it? Nope.
Stick your ouuuooooohs and ooooooooohs ooooo-ooo-ooohs up your dickhole, Mr. Fogelberg
And again, a 'classy' fade-out.

And it's over. It sucked, but it wasn't torture.
I can deal with bland music much better than with music that tries hard at something, but fails at it.
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Old 10-15-2015, 04:59 AM   #75 (permalink)
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Title: Five Men Singing
Artiste: Jaap Blonk, Koichi Makigami, Paul Dutton, Phil Minton and David Moss
Genre: Um, male choral?
Evil Bastard: Grindy

This one I watched Batty suffer through in his other thread. He did not seem impressed. Let's see how far I can get. Well, nothing at all for thirty seconds, fifty, one minute ... I think I can hear something rise slowly (stop that!) and now yes there are definite male voices coming through, but we're almost two minutes into the seven and a half run of the first song, appropriately enough perhaps titled “No drone rising”. Kind of sounds like a load of ghosts at the moment. I ain't fraid of no ghost! Reckon they're starting me off easy. Other voices either joining now or splitting off from the main melody, which kind of sounds now like a jet engine starting up, though one or two of these guys sound like they badly need the toilet! Falling back now, very quiet before they come back in with various sound and howls and moans. Up to the fourth minute now and some screeches and what sounds like a dog barking? Wolf howling? I'm going to assume there are no instruments on this, other than the voices. Think Donald Duck just entered, or someone's in the bath maybe. Now a cat is attacking the duck. Run, duck! Run! One more minute to go. Oh, someone's having a fit or is possessed by demons. Think I heard someone laugh. Oh and a cartoon voice too. Cool. And everyone goes mad as someone speaks normally. On to track two, “Cappa”, where someone who is obviously an Islamic terrorist sings “Figaro” on his own. Kind of sounds like that guy from the “Mahna mahna” Muppet song, and now he's a siren. Someone farted, someone laughed, and now there's actually some kind of melody developing. Oh, someone fell off a cliff. It's Mork: I heard him cry “Nanu nanu” as he went over.

Was this album issued under the auspices of the offices of the Ministry of Silly Voices? No? “Quiet neighbours moaning” is a great title. Sounds like they're horses that live next door though! Someone's drowning a police man and a duck! Well the next one is only a minute long but that's a false hope as the one after it is nine! There sure are a lot of cats fighting in this track; I had to twice check it wasn't my three attacking each other. Fat chance! They're all asleep. “Six cobbings”. What the holy **** is a cobbing, much less six of them? I see the writer's name is Cobbing. Maybe that's it. Who cares? More shouting, some sort of hallelujah chorus or something and ah **** it! Discogs lied to me! They said this was one minute, it's nearly seven! Bastards! Oh well, I won't let it beat me. Maybe.

Here come the cats again, and some angry giant walking over the hill with a bad chest cold. Oh and some oriental gentlemen. Still cobbing, people. One ****ing minute my arse! More cats fighting. Now they're howling at the moon. And now for the nine-minute one. I'm considering jacking it in at this stage but am determined to stay the course, George! “Haiku sonic” does not fill me with confidence however. Someone get that man to a toilet, for Christ's sake! Did he fall in? I don't know, but here come a crowd of zombies searching for brains. Urrrggh! Brains! Ah, well that's it: I warned yaz to get him to the toilet and now look what's happened. Tsk. Who's gonna clean that up? Oh, I think I just heard the guy who got the job (4:36)! Looks like Darth Vader is paying us a visit too. And mice! Where are those cats when you need them, huh? Well that's over so we're though the longest one and halfway there.

The only way I can actually attempt to make it through this is to keep making humorous comments about how the music sounds. I can't imagine anyone listening to this for pleasure, but to each his own. At least “Ten tones high” (and how I wish I was!) is only five minutes long, though it seems longer. Ghosts are back, haunting the place. Operatic voice is my least favourite of all singing voices. Stop it. Sounds like someone's kicking the **** out of someone else now. Hey this has gone by rather quickly, thank the metal gods. Someone really needs to control that flatulence, it's upsetting the Japanese gentleman. Oh. THERE are the cats! Let's have a Native American chant! No? Well, at least this is only three minutes long. Getting better. Someone's talking and scaring Porky the Pig I think. Tarzan is upset. Honestly, it's like listening to one of those old Czechoslovakian (ah you're too young kid!) cartoons we used to have to suffer here in Ireland. Christ knows why they showed them: probably piss cheap. The most incomprehensible and unfunny cartoons ever. Oh look: someone's applauding them. Maybe because it's the end of the track. Probably not though.

Next one is four minutes, and they call it “Nosing a round”, though it sounds like a load of Beakers from The Muppet Show are gathering for their AGM. Lord this is painful. Be strong, Trollheart! Be strong. Hey it's over, and we've only two to go. Mind you, they are eight minutes and seven. Still, I'm not gonna fall this close to the finish line! Ah sounds like Tarzan has recovered and is off swingin' through the trees, pursued by King Kong it would appear. Hmm. Someone said “We should probably (but I missed the last word)”. Pity it wasn't we should probably finish up now.

And now the finish line is in sight! I don't' ****ing care how bad this gets, I'm sticking with it. Eyes on the prize, dude, eyes on the prize! Do your worst, five annoying men who are so far from singing it's not true. I laugh at your efforts. Oh, now you're singing, are you? Well I've waded through your **** for the last hour and I don't care what the hell you do. I've heard burping, farting, screaming, screeching, puking and every other ing you can think of. You hold no more fear for me. Pah! I deride your singing abilities, you non-singing men! I wave my private parts in your general direction! Your father was a mule, and your mother smelt of elderberries! Etc.

My god, there's applause at the end! Well I never. Etc. Maybe I should take a bow. Thank you, thank you, you're too kind, it was nothing. Well, obviously it was something. Bloody endurance test is what it was!

Out of here. Done. Praise Trollheart for he has come through the fire unscathed. Your score: a big fat zero!
I should now move on to make you listen to solo albums by every one of those five guys.

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Old 10-15-2015, 06:04 AM   #76 (permalink)
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I should now move on to make you listen to solo albums by every one of those five guys.

You do, and I have a Fogelberg double (a "Song Cycle"!) that I'm not afraid to use! I don't care who gets hurt! I'm mad, me! Mutually Assured Destruction my friend....
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Old 10-15-2015, 06:05 AM   #77 (permalink)
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I thought that was Pedobear at first. The internet has ruined me.
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Old 10-15-2015, 06:10 AM   #78 (permalink)
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You do, and I have a Fogelberg double (a "Song Cycle"!) that I'm not afraid to use! I don't care who gets hurt! I'm mad, me! Mutually Assured Destruction my friend....
**** is getting serious.
Nah, I wouldn't really do it. A little torture is one thing, but this would just be a dick move.
Although I think I'd suffer less from some Fogelberg, than you would from album after album of brbrbriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiihaghumnyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa habläh.
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Old 10-15-2015, 06:19 AM   #79 (permalink)
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Title:Pebbles Vol 3 “the Acid Gallery”
Artiste: Various
Genre: Psych
Evil Bastard: Oriphiel

Ah, some of my pet hates collide! Sixties garage rock, psychedelia, drugs and long albums. Gonna be a tough slog this one, but I'll be damned if I'll be the first one to pussy out! Well, kicking off with a song about anal sex is a good start. It's all spoken word behind sort of trippy music, but not too bad. “Higher elevation: the diamond mine”. Indeed. Like the end line: “The hand that cradles the rock can certainly rule the world!” Mad sixites organ psychedelia now, the kind of thing no doubt young ladies in miniskirts and go-go boots would be dancing to, completely off their heads of course. Pretty repetitive for the most part. Another short one though. Getting a bit confused and off the wall now, as these things tend to. Oh, that's some nice keyboard though. Another speaking voice, female this time. Guess that's Suzy Creamcheese. That name sounds familiar: something to do with Floyd?

Stones-style guitar with a kind of Beatles vibe. Good vocal though, kind of Lou Reed/Bowielike. Wait a minute. Is Suzy Creamcheese the name of the artiste or the song? Half of these could be either. Weird. I don't know anyone here so I'm going to assume the second part is the song, in which case this is William Penn V and “Swami”, which not surprisingly has something of an Indian vibe. It was cool to be into Indian things in the sixties apparently. Just not curries. This actually sounds very Moody Blues. Good solo, though glad to hear it's guitar and not sitar. Halve to laugh at a name like Jefferson Handkerchief, and the title of the song is no less hilarious: “I'm allergic to flowers”. No love-in for you then! Almost a Spanish/Latin feel to it, then the vocal reminds me of a cross between S&G and the Everleys. Oh man, they said “Groovy!” Where's me kaftan? Ah, he sneezed! This is ****ing great!

Oh we're back to talking mysteriously, though this time there's singing going on as well. Confusing. Calico Wall eh? Where do they get these names from? Someone honking a horn there? Yeah, this one is a bit annoying. At least they're all short songs. This is over in one minute. Nice guitar, sort of Mammas and Papas on “Loose lips sync ship” (see what Hogs did there?) Might be an instrumental. Think it is. Isn't. Slowed down into a nice blues groove now with the vocal spoken very stiltedly, deliberately. Going a bit jazzy now on piano. Don't like it anymore. Church organ and the attempt at being a preacher is just stupid. Speaking of stupid, the next band is called Driving Stupid. Oooh! Blues! Like this! A lot. They have another one two, called “Horror asparagus stories” (the previous one was “The reality of air-fried borsk”, apparently) and although this deviates from the tracklisting I was given, there's a bonus track missing so I guess this will fill in for it. It's pretty funny and, to use the parlance of the day, groovy man.

Yeah, I see there's a major difference between the tracklist and the playlist, but I'll stick with the YouTube and just, you know, go with the flow, daddy-o. Sorry, getting a little carried away here. I was only two years old halfway through the sixties; maybe I'm trying to relive my babyhood. This one is good too, kind of nearer to hard or blues rock really, then though I don't like bees, “Voices green and purple” takes us halfway through the album, so suck it Ori! I laugh at your attempts to torture me! Guitar riff in this one is pretty good, sort of Blackmore-ish. How a voice can have a colour is beyond me though. Guy kind of sings a little like a Country singer. Oh it's over and we're into more talking with “Let's take a trip”. Let's not. Oh well, if I must. But with someone called Godfrey? Think of my reputation! Okay I think this next guy thinks he's Arthur Brown or something. He isn't. The cries of “Help me!” are funny though, though it sounds more like Porky Pig than a fly. Organ's a bit wild but his vocal is beyond ridiculous.

Very Doors, this one. “Faces” eh? Meh. Well fair enough but what does “Dom kallar oss mods” mean? Man, this guy can sing fast! Not bad, decent guitar work. This one's the longest yet --- four minutes --- but has some questionable moaning in it. Yuck. I don't know what a fram is, but this is about a dribbling one apparently. Well, any track with harmonica in it gets my vote. But that's really the only good thing about this. If this was the tracklist I'd be finished now but I have another six tracks to go. Damn ye, Ori! Hey he dropped his harmonica and is afraid the bass player will step on it --- he has. Harmonicas cost more than bass players, it would seem. Dole queue for him then. More western style on “Anxious color” and it sounds rather close to “Paint it black”...

Two from Adjeef the Poet next; one is sub-sub-sub-sub Morrison nonsense, the other is just terrible to the max. Jews harp? Ugh. When used well this can be very effective. This is not used well. Oh it's “Paint it black” in disguise again (“City Jungle” just passed me by without making any impression) and it may be an instrumental? No, wrong again. Hearing the vocals though I now wish it had been. Ah well, only one more track to go and I'm out of here. God the repeating guitar riff here is annoying! Catfish Knight? Seriously: don't any of these people have ordinary names for their bands? Sounds of cash register – oh I see: “Rattle of life”. Clever. Yeah, not. Shouting like a carnival barker, bells, even carnival sounds incidentally, birdsong, this is one of the worst yet. Thank god it's the last.

Well, I'm off back to the 21st century. No wonder I hate this period of music. There were some okay songs and that one about being allergic to flowers, ****ing hilarious, but on the whole I think I'd rather have my head removed with a blunt spoon than go through that again! Still, once again it's a zero for my challenger!
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Old 10-15-2015, 06:22 AM   #80 (permalink)
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New rule: no member can suggest the same artiste to a member he has already suggested an album of theirs to. That's just lazy. Be creative guys! I could hit yaz all with Bon Jovi or Marillion, or worse, Phil Collins! No, one artiste per member is I think fair.

Edit: Not a rule really, but I'd think it'd be fair enough to take it to stretch the above to cover all members. I mean, if one person hated, say, Springsteen, then it's a little redundant, is it not, for others to follow suit and hit that member, or any other member, with Springsteen albums? So I'd say once an artiste has been used, that's it for all, with perhaps certain exceptions.

Also, I'd prefer if people ransacked their own collections for the albums rather than just pick one of the blue. It's best if you know your album, and can calculate how it will affect certain members. Again, not a rule, but it would be nice if we stuck to this idea.
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