Most infuriating music fans: Boobs edition

~~someonecompletelyrandom~~ · 06-09-2009, 03:43 PM

Post a new one BooBoo!

crash_override · 06-09-2009, 03:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sonace

Post a new one BooBoo!

I'm going to start my own list.

Pet peeve #1 : People who start good lists and never finish them.

Darkest Hour · 06-10-2009, 01:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by boo boo

Metalheads

Like any other genre, the metal community is made up of several sub-categories that range in their maximum douchebag density levels.

There are many kinds of metalhead, but just about every eltisit metalhead shares a few defining traits.

You know those Halo and World of Warcraft fanboy idiots on IGN.com? Metalheads. You know those Richard Dawkins groupies that make you embarassed to be an athiest? Metalheads. You know those guys who ensure that the internet is completely chick free with their sexist remarks and homoeroticism? Metalheads.

There are two primary kinds of metalheads, the downright idiots and the downright idiots who try really hard to sound smart and objective, and fail miserably.

They tend to be quite sexist. A lot of them are athiests (and totally smug about it), but there are also the weird Christian ones. And they love to overuse phrases like "own" and "fail", unlike most sensible people, they actually use those words in real life, they also love to say "f&ggot".

They are VERY anal about the millions of metal sub-genres they invent every day. If you get a band's subgenre wrong, you'll never hear the end of it. A common rant usually goes like this.

"You're a dumbf*ck, they're not black metal, they're symphonic viking metal. Get your facts straight, f&ggot."

Speaking of subgenres, here's a helpful guide to some of the more prominent species of metalhead.

Sheadheads: These f*ckers take technical skill really seriously, these are the guys who want to shove Satriani down your throat every chance they get. If you tell them they're closed minded, they will insult you and rant about how diverse their taste in music is, they claim to appreciate any genre, provided technical wankery and white people are involved. They say they love jazz, but they really only like Jaco and Matheny, they say they like the blues, but they really only mean stuff like Rory Gallagher. They also fancy themselves classical music fans, this is usually just to flaunt off their musical knowledge, they'd rather listen to Yngwie Malmsteen cover Paganini than actually listen to Paganini. They give no credit to anything punk, techno, alt rock or rap related.

Power metalheads: By far the worst kind of metal fan, probably because they listen to the lamest kind of metal imaginable. These guys are especially anal when it comes to discussing singers, they'll go on endlessly about how Cobain sucks and how great a singer the guy from Kamelot is. They very often use words like "clean", "control" and of course "power". If they're in a crappy band (and they usually are) they will endlessly brag about it. Don't discuss music with these people, ever.

Prog metalheads: A close relative of the power metal fan, but even more pretentious. They call themselves prog fans but prog metal is the only kind they care about. To them it all started with dream theater. Their idea of progressive is "having a keyboardist".

Doom metalheads: These guys tend to come off as stoned out losers even by metalhead standards. Somewhat a mix of metalhead, stoner, goth and straight up douchebag.

Black metalheads: Will not only try to convince you of something as laughable as Varg Vikernes being the best songwriter of the past 20 years, but if you're a Christian, you're never gonna hear the end of their anti-religious rants. They're probably the closest thing to indie fans in the metalhead category, in that they often sort out the crappiest obscure music they can possibly find. They also have the most ridiculous fashion sense.

Thrash metalheads: They tend to be the inbred cracker spawn of the rednecks you see on COPS on a regular basis. They're the frat boys of the metal world, some of them tend to be keen on hair metal as well, you should also expect a few rants about how "Nirvana ruined good music". They're usually the most vulgar and sexist of the metalheads, and they like their women to look like porn stars, and they should never EVER try to be musicians, even the idea of a woman playing guitar is insulting to them. They like to take the piss on alt rock, unless it's Pearl Jam, Soundgarden and Alice in Chains, in which case they will never shut up about how superior they are to Nirvana.

Death metalheads: The kinda douchebags who still rant about Limp Bizkit and Korn, even though that's pretty much all they ever listened to 3 years ago. And don't ever confuse them with black metalheads, they really hate that.

How to spot one: Long hair, overweight, wristbands, piercings, jack daniels in right hand.

Where to spot one in the wild: Finding one out in the open is very rare. They're most likely to be found in your nearest trailer park, usually locked away in their room playing World of Warcraft or putting up another Frank Frazetta poster on their wall.

Debate tactics: "Hey punk, do you know who you're talking to? I know my music theory, I know what Staccato means, I bet you don't, f&ggot".

Things they tend to say:

"Man that Kurt Cobain was just a talentless hack, now Adrian Smith, that guy can wail, IRON MAIDEN OWNS!!! \m/"

"Black Sabbath didn't get really good into Dio joined, his vocals were a lot more clean, more control, plus Ozzy is a douche, did you see how his fat c*nt of a wife treated Iron Maiden at Ozzfest? F@ggot, that guy has no respect for the masters"

"Go back to listening to your Limp Bizkit and Britney Spears, f@ggot"

ROFL. This is an amazingly accurate post. Doom metal and Power metal fans are in fact the worst.

jackhammer · 06-10-2009, 08:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Darkest Hour

ROFL. This is an amazingly accurate post. Doom metal and Power metal fans are in fact the worst.

Wrong. ALL metal fans who only listen to metal are fucking twonks who revel in their supposed open minded approach to music when in fact there are even more culpable than those that they treat with disdain. I know. That's why I cut my hair off and got rid of the denim jacket years ago. Apparently I sold out because I also liked Marillion and some Reggae. Idiots.

anticipation · 06-10-2009, 08:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by boo boo

They and their "real" emo/screamo brethern are also incredibly hostile about their taste in music. And no one should be so proud for listening to such godawful music.

i'm sure that even you would admit that hxc kids/straight edgers' brand of fascist elitism about what constitutes "sxe hardcore" is vastly different from a emo/screamo fan being upset when someone thinks that my chemical romance is in the same category as suis la lune.

the idea that these popular "screamo/emo" bands (i.e. mcr, norma jean, underoath, countless others), and their penchant for nonsensical outfits and atrocious music, constitute what the public concieves as screamo is not only detrimental to the genre, but also completely incorrect. the majority of what you would consider "real" screamo has redeeming qualities, while straight edge and hxc kids' music has been unbearable, and will continue being unbearable, forever.

IWP · 06-10-2009, 11:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jackhammer

Apparently I sold out because I also liked Marillion and some Reggae. Idiots.

I "sold out" when I started listening to new wave and "hair metal".

PinkCigarette · 06-10-2009, 01:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sweet_nothing

You know me too well.

About metalheads, two of my best friends are metal heads and they can get very defensive about their genre and I don’t know how many times I've jokingly called Dimebag Darrel "Douchebag Darrel" and in response have gotten things like "fuck you atleast I don’t listen to weird shit like Radiohead" or "atleast I don’t listen to that gay happy shit". But when It comes to the whole variety of genres they’re pretty helpful when I ask questions like “whats the difference between Death Metal and Doom Metal?” but Ive also gotten into many arguments when I’ve called bands like AC/DC or Led Zeppelin Metal “they’re not Metal they’re classic rock.” Also I have a friend who's a metalhead and who firmly believes that Metal is its own genre and not apart of rock. I love this thread so far, though I’m disappointed there weren’t any boobs as the title led me to believe.

haha, yes, I've been in that situation before. Dimebag is like a god to them and if you dare say anything negative about him, you'll never hear the end of it. You'll be every name in the book by the end of the day.

Hesher · 06-12-2009, 03:58 AM

I'd say I'm a pretty serious metalhead and I have pretty open music taste (I like Kid A, for example). But if you think you have complaints about metalheads being douchebags, it's way worse if you're one too. I like hanging out with people with similar music taste but it absolutely sucks spending time with most other metalheads. The worst ones are constantly obsessed with whether something is "metal" or not, like whether growing long hair is metal or eating chicken primavera is metal, ignoring the fact that they still like Slipknot despite worshipping Dimebag. What you said about the "Led Zeppelin isn't metal" thing is spot on, which is terrible because these kids have no respect for the forefathers of the genre and don't understand that without bands like Zep and Black Sabbath, "their" music wouldn't exist. Musicians understand this, talentless hacks don't. And I will be the first to say that Dimebag is overrated. Pantera was a decent band with several really good songs but there was nothing particularly deep or creative about the songwriting. He had skill of course but the martyr status he's gained has now become the justification for idiots being proud that they like "real metal" because venerating him somehow gives them legitimacy. I call BS. A great example of this idiocy is the fact that Chuck Schuldiner, a far better and more creative musician, died of pneumonia after the metal community held fundraisers to pay for his cancer treatments, and 9/10 people at a Lamb of God show have no idea who he was - or even worse, think that Scream Bloody Gore was the greatest album he ever wrote. Metal also stands as a cathartic release for worthless *******s who have nothing of value in their lives, which is sort of like saying that Gulden Draak is a great brew to drown your sorrows in. I'd defend the maybe 15-30% of metalheads that are actually both intelligent and socially capable, but I understand that the main purpose of this thread is hilarious ridicule and mod-sanctioned trolling, which I totally endorse.

Nobody has complained enough about hardcore kids yet either. We don't have many/any straight edgers in the local scene as far as I know, but of the -core kids I know, they are some of the most hypocritical people I know.
-Say music is their lives but listen to terrible music
-Constantly make threats but don't have the guts to follow through
-Mosh violently but only when everyone is smaller than they are
-Vaunt their br00tality but quote pathetic "romantic" lyrics to their equally vacuous girlfriends
-Attempt to give off a sense of masculinity but spend more money on clothing than the average woman, 60% of said money going toward designer Nikes
-Act like there are huge differences between one metalcore band and another when the vast majority of songs basically consist of mixed and matched segments: Breakdown #42 followed by Verse #9 and then two refrains of Chorus #77

Honestly I wish it was socially acceptable to spine punch people to settle personal conflicts. If I had my way there would be six kids in my town with broken noses and hopefully a serious blow to their egos.

Antonio · 06-12-2009, 04:02 AM

so boo boo.........when are you putting up another one?

Number1SuperGuy · 06-12-2009, 05:14 AM

boo boo, do gangstas! These are the most loathsome music fans on the planet... no "I hate these people" list is complete without gangstas...

06-09-2009, 03:43 PM	#131 (permalink)
~~someonecompletelyrandom~~ Account Disabled Join Date: Nov 2008 Posts: 4,538	Post a new one BooBoo!

06-12-2009, 03:58 AM	#138 (permalink)
Hesher Palm Muted Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Vancouver, BC Posts: 168	I'd say I'm a pretty serious metalhead and I have pretty open music taste (I like Kid A, for example). But if you think you have complaints about metalheads being douchebags, it's way worse if you're one too. I like hanging out with people with similar music taste but it absolutely sucks spending time with most other metalheads. The worst ones are constantly obsessed with whether something is "metal" or not, like whether growing long hair is metal or eating chicken primavera is metal, ignoring the fact that they still like Slipknot despite worshipping Dimebag. What you said about the "Led Zeppelin isn't metal" thing is spot on, which is terrible because these kids have no respect for the forefathers of the genre and don't understand that without bands like Zep and Black Sabbath, "their" music wouldn't exist. Musicians understand this, talentless hacks don't. And I will be the first to say that Dimebag is overrated. Pantera was a decent band with several really good songs but there was nothing particularly deep or creative about the songwriting. He had skill of course but the martyr status he's gained has now become the justification for idiots being proud that they like "real metal" because venerating him somehow gives them legitimacy. I call BS. A great example of this idiocy is the fact that Chuck Schuldiner, a far better and more creative musician, died of pneumonia after the metal community held fundraisers to pay for his cancer treatments, and 9/10 people at a Lamb of God show have no idea who he was - or even worse, think that Scream Bloody Gore was the greatest album he ever wrote. Metal also stands as a cathartic release for worthless *******s who have nothing of value in their lives, which is sort of like saying that Gulden Draak is a great brew to drown your sorrows in. I'd defend the maybe 15-30% of metalheads that are actually both intelligent and socially capable, but I understand that the main purpose of this thread is hilarious ridicule and mod-sanctioned trolling, which I totally endorse. Nobody has complained enough about hardcore kids yet either. We don't have many/any straight edgers in the local scene as far as I know, but of the -core kids I know, they are some of the most hypocritical people I know. -Say music is their lives but listen to terrible music -Constantly make threats but don't have the guts to follow through -Mosh violently but only when everyone is smaller than they are -Vaunt their br00tality but quote pathetic "romantic" lyrics to their equally vacuous girlfriends -Attempt to give off a sense of masculinity but spend more money on clothing than the average woman, 60% of said money going toward designer Nikes -Act like there are huge differences between one metalcore band and another when the vast majority of songs basically consist of mixed and matched segments: Breakdown #42 followed by Verse #9 and then two refrains of Chorus #77 Honestly I wish it was socially acceptable to spine punch people to settle personal conflicts. If I had my way there would be six kids in my town with broken noses and hopefully a serious blow to their egos.

06-12-2009, 05:14 AM	#140 (permalink)
Number1SuperGuy Groupie Join Date: Jun 2009 Posts: 7	boo boo, do gangstas! These are the most loathsome music fans on the planet... no "I hate these people" list is complete without gangstas...