Review An Album In An Unhelpful Way
 

The Clash - London Calling

Recorded ages ago this was a really important album for some reason or other. It's been called the best album by The Clash although it might not be , I couldn't say , I've never heard all of them.
You can really hear the chemistry between thingy & whatsisface working well , especially on songs such as ... shit i've forgotten which ones but there are plenty of them. Mike John's bass playing is exceptional throughout as is Floppy Hardon's drumming.
The album opens with the opening song of the album and what a fantastic song it is. if you like that sort of thing that is , if you don't like it it's not such a fantastic song. The album quickly moves into the next song which is ok. It's a cover song that was originally written by that guy from the 1950s ,so if you are a fan of his check it out.
The album moves on at a frenetic pace , apart from when it doesn't. If songs about Spain , Supermarkets , Card Cheats & some guy called Rudy who's always failing whet your appetite this is really the album for you.
There may or may not be some good songs on side 4 of the album . I wouldn't know I got bored at that point but I was sure to listen to the closing track of the album that closed the album. I beleive it's a parody of failed Olympic athletes entitled Train In Vain , Ho Ho Ho if only they had listened to George Strummer's advice before they maybe wouldn't have wasted all that time. There may be some advice for all of us in that song.

:whythis:

Lmao!
Give me a minute.

I don't need this thread I have iTunes.

C'mon you are English! I think we call it sarcasm lol

Bruce Springsteen—Nebraska
First of all, the beats on this album suck. Second of all, there is no bass at all. I put this in expecting some booty-shakers and not a single track on here made me want to pop and lock out on the dance floor. Also this man can't rap to save his fucking life.

He cannot dance in the dark either. He fell off the stage, at least thats what my sisters boyfriends best mates housekeeper said anyhow.

Profile: Fedor8 - Rate Your Music
All the useless reviews and flaming you'll need to make your day.

My Bloody Valentine - Loveless

What an appropriate title because I certainly am 'loveless' for this steaming turd of a Compact Disc! And for how do you ask?

Well for starting, you can't hear the lyrics, it's just a wall of noise, and despite this the singers still insist on whispering.
My track by track summary: tracks 1-11 pppppsssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
except track four which is like hearing this while trapped inside a washing machine on spin cycle

the cover 'art' is also blurry and indistinct (how ironical!), i think it's a guitar

a bit of back story to the band: my bloody valentine is obviously an emo band, except they don't know how to play!

they are English

boring. don't waste your pocket money on it

from God

Heh I got the sarcasm, I was just wondering how this idea for a thread ever came about. I didnt say it wasnt funny! :)

^^Dont u men bullet 4 my valenine i luv dem dey r definitly best metal band lol

Same as every other thread I start

Boredom

Soulja Boy Album
kay, 1st of all i havnt lisdend to the hole albam but my frend said it wuz reelly good. i like dat one song dat they played at my schol dance called crank dat. its reelly a good song 2 dance 2. LOL! dis one kid in my school dosnt no how an fell over when he tryd! anyway check out dis album if you want some goodd rap
PEACE!!:wave::finger::afro::afro:

Sigur Rós - ( )

http://www.geckoblue.org/about/images/music_sigur2.jpg

weird album, weird cover, and for some reason there is nothing in the booklet. there are some funny sounds here and there, and a guitar that sounds like a violin. the dude that sings doesn't make any sense cause, yes you guessed it, he sings in a made-up language. also right in the middle of the album there are 36 seconds of silence. for reasons unknown to me I like it...I like it a a lot!Masterpiece 5/5

Radiohead - Kid A

http://www.motherjones.com/files/leg...ioheadkida.JPG

Umm so I think Radiohead forgot how to make music. This album is just a bunch of bleeps and bloops. It starts off with a track where Tom's voice is all messed up in the second half. The second track is like a robot talking or something. The third track isn't bad for a bit, but then this part comes in with all of these horns and stuff and it doesn't even sound like music. Follow it up with a whiney track and a track with a bunch of just... noise. The sixth track isn't bad... it kinda sounds like their old stuff i guess. Then you have a boring track where you can't really understand Tom. Next is this techno song that belongs on a club mix. Close the album out with another boring song and a super whiney song which ends in like 4 minutes of silence? I don't know what they were trying to do with this album but they messed up big time. Tom's lyrics don't make any sense, and there's barely any guitar. I thought this was a rock and roll band? Ed Obrian should probably just leave the band, it doesn't appear that he was used on this album. Johnny Greenwood used to be one of my favorites, but now, not so much. So much for being the British Nirvana...

:rofl:

Boards of Canada: Music Has The Right To Children

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Mu...tochildren.jpg

What a great album! It's so great because it has beats, and big beats, and it has some slow tracks too. You can bob your head back and forth when you listen to this album, and it's very long so you'll be bobbing your head a lot. There's also a lot of ambient backups, I don't know why. I guess they wanted to make the album mysterious. The album title is funny, and the song "Telephasic Workshop" is funny near the end, because the vocals make no sense. The song "Roygbiv" is a really good son because it's the shortest and you can dance to it. You'll like it if you like weird creepy music.

http://www.myblackroom.com/wp-conten...f_the_moon.jpg

This album really showcases what Pink Floyd was capable of. It was made in 1973 and it sure doesn't sound like it. It is unlike anything I have ever heard before and it really is a masterpiece. The best song is "On The Run" because they do some really awesome and innovative stuff on it. This is truly one of the most inflential albums ever.

/thread

A textbook example of irony, congrats! :clap:

It is better to move this to Album Review part.

Leonard Cohen - Dear Heather (1066)
http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/...500_AA240_.jpg

This is a pretty quiet album.

1. Go No More A-rovin'
This song's alright I suppose.

2. Because Of
So's this one.

3. The Letters
And this.

4. Undertow
:band:

5. Morning Glory
:jailed:

6. On That Day
:dj:

7. Villanelle For Our Time
Too much talking.

8. There For You
Yeah, this song's ok.

Unfortunately I can't remember what the rest of it's like, since it's been years since I last listened to it. Still, it's an alright album I suppose.

Air - 10 000Hz legend

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3225/...48807006_o.jpg

so they call themselves 'electronic performers'... where's the electronic guitar? the bass is fuzzy but that's no substitute for a rocking guitar solo. the drums don't sound right either. they're using the rap effect when they talk but the setting is wrong.

the next song is all about being touchy feely and then the chick doesn't even like him back because they still haven't played a guitar solo. their radio song won't ever get on the radio either no matter how hard they try to get to #1 until they start getting more solos in there.

the next tune has beck, at least that loser knows how to stick a guitar solo in his tunes now and then. after that is more spacey keyboard??? again? for real? this album sucks.

lucky and unhappy? it's exactly how you'll feel by this point. at least there's an acoustic guitar again but it's hardly electronic or rocking. the next tune is about boring people but at least it's got a wicked bass solo it's the ONLY cool thing so far on this snoozefest but it takes way too long to get there.

wonder milky bad word is another boring tune with all these weird boings and stuff and talking about carpets still no guitar solo.

'don't be light' is another spacey tune that the band forgot to record a wicked lead for, i mean there's all this pink floyd space out action but no wicked david gilmour lead. what gives? there's another bass solo but it's not that complicated and it doesn't last long and buddy from rush could totally rip through that solo with just his little finger.

caramel prisoner is the name of the last tune on the disc, more space out sans solo. are we supposed to be captured candy? a sweet captive? a blocked up skittles turd? because that's totally how this guitar solo-less album will make you feel. all this wasted pink floyd background stuff. two piddly bass solos don't make up for the lack of at least one ripping guitar solo.

this album is a total bag of lame with a side order of suck.

That sounds like me when I was 13 years old.

http://a5.vox.com/6a00b8ea0716781bc0...99a5dece-500pi

Slayer - Reign In Blood (1986)

Deneneneenaaaaauswitzhneowwwarrrgghhwiddlewiddlewi ddlewiddlewaaaaooarrghhhdenenennepraisehailsatanwf uefyeyeyteidenenneneeenenwiddlewiddlewiddlenowisha llreigninbloodwaaarghhaaaaaghh(Thunder and rain)

fair and accurate review

Can I just quote any music review written by Rob Sheffield?

go ahead i'm curious.. does he work for pitchfork by any chance? I know it's par for the course to diss the more pretentious writers on their staff but i have read some truly dreadful reviews on there, just the worst kind of ego trips. WHAT DOES IT SOUND LIKE????

http://blog.ilgiornale.it/giordano/w...rk_Medulla.jpg

Um.... there's a lot of singing and stuff. It's pretty cool.

Edit: Also, Bjork is stacked.

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_BelOZxxIMH...m+Your+Man.png

Leonard Cohen—"I'm Your Man"
Mr. Cohen's suit is from Gieves & Hawkes and is available for purchase through an exclusive arrangement with Harrods. His Gucci sunglasses are inspired by those worn by the protagonist in the 1968 cult film Il Pene Del Monstro. His tee-shirt is by Hanes and was discovered at the Wal-Mart boutique in north suburban Montreal. The banana is by Chiquita.

<a href="http://photobucket.com/images/modern%20guilt" target="_blank"><img src="http://i708.photobucket.com/albums/ww87/BrunoD20/beck_-_modern_guilt.jpg" border="0" alt="Beck Pictures, Images and Photos"/></a>

This album was good. You should buy it. It probably won't cost much if you go out to buy a CD, but iTunes will rip you off, since this was released around a year ago and will most likely be on sale by now if you get your greasy tush to your local Target.
Beck writes good songs and deep lyrics, but I don't understand the cover art. It looks like the person on the right is coming at the person on the left with a pointy sextoy. Thats probably something deep too. My mom says its sound equitment, but that doesn't make any sense. Why are they randomly holding up sound equitment and facing each other? I guess its just another mystery of the universe.
Well, I guess you should probably go out and buy it now. You can trust me. I have taste.

Leonard Cohen—"I'm Your Man"
Mr. Cohen's suit is from Gieves & Hawkes and is available for purchase through an exclusive arrangement with Harrods. His Gucci sunglasses are inspired by those worn by the protagonist in the 1968 cult film Il Pene Del Monstro. His tee-shirt is by Hanes and was discovered at the Wal-Mart boutique in north suburban Montreal. The banana is by Chiquita.[/QUOTE]

Nice!

hmm..

http://www.podcastnz.com/images/podc...ad_podcast.jpg

They gave it away for free you know. How cool is that? What awesome guys. 10/10. Fuck the industry!

http://www.neumagazine.co.uk/upload/medsud300.jpg
Umm wtf this Sigur guy sounds like a girl and there are men's asses on the cover. and wtf why is this music so slow and the guitar doesn't use distortion wtf. and wtf is with that album name it sounds like they let a monkey bang on a keyboard and used it as a title roflmao. Led Zeppilin could own this shit any day of the week cuz he's not gay and from Sweden or wherever these fags are from. 0/10

http://www.extremeambient.net/wp-con...e-machine.jpeg

This album's all about freaking political bull**** that I could really care less about. I don't know what the black guy's so mad about anyway, Obama's our president, w00t!

Also, that cover is SO Photoshopped.

Clearly. See how theres all that fire to the right hand side going banana's and yet the left side of his head remains unscathed?

LIES!

I thought these reviews were supposed to be unhelpful? :D

http://static.rateyourmusic.com/album_images/s1593.jpg
Fact: This is the single best album ever recorded. Fact: This album invented metal. Fact: Lars is the best drummer ever. I listen to this and cry afterwards as music today is ****e. I also get menstruated when I think about how hard these bitches sold out. Nothing can top this.
Orion=God.

Fantomas - Suspended Animation

http://www.progarchives.com/progress...1310212009.jpg

bugs bunny bum rushing a baboon with a leaf blower.