Worst music critics

[boo boo]

What a stupid "profession", thanks to the internet we now live in an age where good recommendations aren't hard to get, because you can always find people who are compatable with your tastes.

And thus this makes "professional" music critics pretty much worthless, then again they always have been. Obviously most of them wouldn't know good music if it bit them in the ass so consumer advice is obviously not what they excell in. So what is their job? If it's being a huge music snob that doesn't know sh*t about the subject, then they earn every penny.

Thanks to blogs and music journals, it won't be long until these overpaid c*ntbags will be long forgotten, but in the meantime, let's look back on the ones that really boil our piss. It seems like all they were ever good for was describing everything but the actual music, instead they just make stupid generalizations about the artists backgrounds and intentions which usually end up being far from the truth and falling into the horrible misconception that the only way to review a song is talk about it's lyrical content.

A lot of them don't even give more than an incredibly brief description when it comes to the actual music, it's a lot of linguistic masturbation and what better example than Pitchfork? It's as if talking about the music is too goddamn easy and straightforward, they have to be pretentious chodes about it and rant about how music quality is somehow tied to superficial things like class and "authenticity". Music is the last thing they have on their mind.

If they only talked about what the music means to them, it would be ok. But they don't, they try to be objective, and by that I mean try to pass of their clearly subjective opinions as objective facts. A lot of them these days don't use a vocabulary all too different from the average internet troll.

Most of the members of this forum could do better than these idiots, seriously.

Lester Bangs, Robert Christgau, Rob Sheffield, Jimmy Guterman. Raging retards every last one of them, the fact that they are considered the deans of western music critics is nothing short of horrifying.

I used to say Christgau was the absolute worst, that is until I found this guy.

Only Solitaire: George Starostin's Music Reviews

This guy is a linguistics researcher and apparently one of the brightest in his field. But yeah, being smart at one subject can't prevent you from being a total retard at another. As this guy's other hobby as a music critic clearly proves.

So let's see. He rates artist's whole careers on letter grades. And thus The Beatles, Stones, Dylan and The Who are the only A grade artists in rock music history. Black Sabbath, The Residents and Pretty Things are a D, and Syd Barrett is an E. And ABBA a C. What more needs to be said?

His reviews are even worse, I won't quote them, I let you find out for yourself if you're willing to endure the blinding stupidity.

[sweet_nothing]

Robert Christgau, does this guy even like music? Honestly every review Ive read by him he makes the album sound like its crap yet he gives it an A. I dont think I've ever read anything by him saying something positive about an album. Fuck this guy.

[boo boo]

Originally Posted by sweet_nothing

Robert Christgau, does this guy even like music? Honestly every review Ive read by him he makes the album sound like its crap yet he gives it an A. I dont think I've ever read anything by him saying something positive about an album. Fuck this guy.

This Starostin guy is pretty much the exact same way. He'll give an album what seems like a high rating and still call it a piece of sh*t. The only thing I've seen him review without any criticism at all are some Dylan, Stones and a goddamn Sade album.

Saying Pink Floyd lacked originality and saying Yes lack diversity, while lauding Rolling Stones as having both. That was the real ticker for me.

Music critics really are just another form of troll. I mean if this guy hates prog so much, why review so freaking much of it?

[galt54]

Originally Posted by boo boo

This Starostin guy is pretty much the exact same way. He'll give an album what seems like a high rating and still call it a piece of sh*t. The only thing I've seen him review without any criticism at all are some Dylan, Stones and a goddamn Sade album.

Saying Pink Floyd lacked originality and saying Yes lack diversity, while lauding Rolling Stones as having both. That was the real ticker for me.

Music critics really are just another form of troll. I mean if this guy hates prog so much, why review so freaking much of it?

Nevertheless, I experience George (the anglisized version of his forename, I can´t spell the "genuine" Russian version) Starostin as being a fascinating read. He has interesting opinions (and I agree that they are only opinions).

I really enjoy visiting and revisiting Starostin´s (first) site!

[Neapolitan]

Originally Posted by galt54

Nevertheless, I experience George (the anglisized version of his forename, I can´t spell the "genuine" Russian version) Starostin as being a fascinating read. He has interesting opinions (and I agree that they are only opinions).

I really enjoy visiting and revisiting Starostin´s (first) site!

He's name is Georgiy Sergeevich "George" Starostin. "Georgiy" is a homophone of the two English words "gay + orgy." In other words if you say "gay orgy" real fast that is how you would pronounce his name.

[grindy]

Originally Posted by Neapolitan

He's name is Georgiy Sergeevich "George" Starostin. "Georgiy" is a homophone of the two English words "gay + orgy." In other words if you say "gay orgy" real fast that is how you would pronounce his name.

No it isn't.

[Justthefacts]

Originally Posted by Neapolitan

He's name is Georgiy Sergeevich "George" Starostin. "Georgiy" is a homophone of the two English words "gay + orgy." In other words if you say "gay orgy" real fast that is how you would pronounce his name.

I'll take your word for it.

[Terrapin_Station]

Originally Posted by galt54

Nevertheless, I experience George (the anglisized version of his forename, I can´t spell the "genuine" Russian version) Starostin as being a fascinating read. He has interesting opinions (and I agree that they are only opinions).

I really enjoy visiting and revisiting Starostin´s (first) site!

I've read through a lot of Starostin's reviews in the past and found them interesting, but more in the way in which one finds a trainwreck interesting.

[IHuman]

Originally Posted by sweet_nothing

Robert Christgau, does this guy even like music? Honestly every review Ive read by him he makes the album sound like its crap yet he gives it an A. I dont think I've ever read anything by him saying something positive about an album. Fuck this guy.

i only came across RC when i heard on the radio he'd slammed Macca's Ram. I read the review and it was harsh. Then i came across hiim again when i read the review from the link on wiki for Alan Parson's Project-Eve album which he accused of being misogynistic. I've not heard it so i can't comment. I have heard Ram though and it's a great inspired and thoroughly enjoyable album as is the easy listening version Macca recorded as Percy 'thrills' Thrillington

[Mr Sensitive]

SHIT, CAT!



Yeah, Ryan Schreiber's a wanker.