Jesus Christ Almighty

Trollheart · 12-24-2020, 05:55 PM

You really have to think about it. Here's a guy who, while still in the womb, was on the road, taken from his home town by his parents who weren't even married. Born in a bloody stable with some really suspect characters around (three kings? Give me a break! And what were shepherds doing there?) and almost immediately taken on the run from the authorities, leaving others to be killed in his place.

From an early age he's spending time with old men in the temple (which in later life he'll return to wreck and prophesy to destroy); can't hold down a job, leaves the family business to wander aimlessly across the country, associating with other dodgy types - almost all men - and causing trouble, coming to the notice of the authorities again. Observers in the know reckon he'll come to a bad end.

Mother disappears mysteriously, little is known of his father and then he wanders into the desert where he must have tripped on some pretty strong ****, comes back out claiming he saw the devil. Yeah. Makes some very questionable deals with the Palestinian Mafia, who supply him with loaves and fishes, but at what cost we wonder? Exhorts his followers to rise up and bring about the Kingdom of Heaven, enters Jerusalem drunk off his ass (sorry, that's drunk ON his ass. Maybe) with everyone waving very large leaves of marijuana (they say they're palm leaves but come on!), has a hissy fit in front of the temple and kicks the moneylenders around, snarls that he'll return to burn the thing to the ground, and then lets his enemies capture him without a fight, abandoning his followers.

Also abandoned by his followers, who prefer a cut-throat robber bandit chief over him when given the opportunity to have him set free, and ends up being nailed to a cross as a warning to others not to **** with Rome.

And this is the guy we're supposed to worship?

Sorry dude, I know it's a downer to get this on your birthday and all, but excuse me while I break a gut laughing...

The Batlord · 12-24-2020, 07:34 PM

I stan Jesus.

Trollheart · 12-24-2020, 07:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Batlord

I stan Jesus.

Should that be I, Satan, Jesus? Or I stab Jesus? Or are you telling us you're a Jesus freak?

ando here · 12-24-2020, 07:39 PM

Ha. Story is almost irrelevant. What he said remains salient (imo).

Put it this way, what supposedly happened to him is fairly typical of human aspiration and failure. But I concur with people like J. Krishnamurti, "Is it necessary to go through all that?"

~~jwb~~ · 12-29-2020, 04:35 PM

Muhammad was cooler. Had more bitches and more weapons.

Trollheart · 12-30-2020, 03:16 PM

And could bring mountains to him.

"Hello there, Mr. Muhamad available to see Mr. Mountain? I see. Thank you."

"I'm sorry, Mr. Mountain, he can't come. Says he'll see you if you go to him. All right, I'll call him back. No I don't think it's that far."

Psy-Fi · 12-30-2020, 03:32 PM

12-24-2020, 05:55 PM	#1 (permalink)
Trollheart Born to be mild Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: 404 Not Found Posts: 26,992	Jesus Christ Almighty You really have to think about it. Here's a guy who, while still in the womb, was on the road, taken from his home town by his parents who weren't even married. Born in a bloody stable with some really suspect characters around (three kings? Give me a break! And what were shepherds doing there?) and almost immediately taken on the run from the authorities, leaving others to be killed in his place. From an early age he's spending time with old men in the temple (which in later life he'll return to wreck and prophesy to destroy); can't hold down a job, leaves the family business to wander aimlessly across the country, associating with other dodgy types - almost all men - and causing trouble, coming to the notice of the authorities again. Observers in the know reckon he'll come to a bad end. Mother disappears mysteriously, little is known of his father and then he wanders into the desert where he must have tripped on some pretty strong ***, comes back out claiming he saw the devil. Yeah. Makes some very* questionable deals with the Palestinian Mafia, who supply him with loaves and fishes, but at what cost we wonder? Exhorts his followers to rise up and bring about the Kingdom of Heaven, enters Jerusalem drunk off his ass (sorry, that's drunk ON his ass. Maybe) with everyone waving very large leaves of marijuana (they say they're palm leaves but come on!), has a hissy fit in front of the temple and kicks the moneylenders around, snarls that he'll return to burn the thing to the ground, and then lets his enemies capture him without a fight, abandoning his followers. Also abandoned by his followers, who prefer a cut-throat robber bandit chief over him when given the opportunity to have him set free, and ends up being nailed to a cross as a warning to others not to **** with Rome. And this is the guy we're supposed to worship? Sorry dude, I know it's a downer to get this on your birthday and all, but excuse me while I break a gut laughing... __________________ Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018

12-30-2020, 03:16 PM	#6 (permalink)
Trollheart Born to be mild Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: 404 Not Found Posts: 26,992	And could bring mountains to him. "Hello there, Mr. Muhamad available to see Mr. Mountain? I see. Thank you." "I'm sorry, Mr. Mountain, he can't come. Says he'll see you if you go to him. All right, I'll call him back. No I don't think it's that far." __________________ Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018

12-24-2020, 07:39 PM	#4 (permalink)
ando here Music Addict Join Date: Sep 2020 Location: NY, NY Posts: 1,802	Ha. Story is almost irrelevant. What he said remains salient (imo). Put it this way, what supposedly happened to him is fairly typical of human aspiration and failure. But I concur with people like J. Krishnamurti, "Is it necessary to go through all that?"

12-29-2020, 04:35 PM	#5 (permalink)
~~jwb~~ Account Disabled Join Date: Jul 2019 Posts: 4,403	Muhammad was cooler. Had more bitches and more weapons.