back when i worked at a bookstore we found one of those paperback mysteries in which the detective was called John Dortmundler lol

Why does that sound like a pedophile?

you must be thinking of Dortmundler's cousin, Jim Kiddiediddler

Actually it sounds like the Dursleys' neighbor.

I only remember old mrs figg

On second thought a muggle would never have a name as outlandish as "Dortmundler". That's a Hufflepuff name if ever I've heard it.

Edit: alright but seriously I'm thinking of a way to seriously **** on you in a hurtful way so get ready for something or other.

my body is ready

Honestly all I got is that you were one of those Sansa chearleaders but it's not like you were Arya who subverted her personality just to be her goblin. You just kind of sucked her dick whenever it was time to be a feminist.

I don't know why he didn't escalate. I guess he was all mouth and no trousers?

I have his phone number if you would like to call him LOL