Reviewing a pile of VHS tapes I found by a dumpster
 

They were there and I was bored. And yes, I do actually have a VHS player, because of course I do.

Here's the first one from the pile:

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Over two hours of blank verse? Hell yes. Bring it on, bitch.

All the classic Shakespeare-isms are here. A devious bastard son, a clever clown that makes everyone look like stupid assholes, a sad guy bemoaning the shittiness of human nature, etc.

Oh, and a guy gets his eyes ripped out, which is always great. And then he tries to kill himself by jumping off a cliff, somehow survives, and is just like "Well, shit."

The guy who plays the lead role is awesome, fills all of his scenes with energy.

The actresses who play the two eldest daughters are fun. Perfectly capture the essence of the overtly conniving bitchqueen within.

Good times. Great performances. Neither my favorite of Shakespeare's plays, nor the many film adaptations, but still aight.

I've seen plenty of Lear, even having seen the RSC perform it live, and have yet to find myself liking the play. I just don't care for it. It goes on too long, in my opinion, for madness to be a gripping theme. My most recent viewing of the play was Ian McKellan's version.

Aye, twas a bit overwrought. 90% of that part during the storm could've been clipped. And the blinded guy recognizing the King's voice but not his own son's was kinda lol.

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Jesus ****ing christ. One minute in, and I'm already rolling. Why the **** haven't I ever watched this before?

Hilarious parody of thinly veiled propaganda war movies, while also a great war movie in its own right. Super entertaining. Instant favorite.

why were you by a dumpster

and where was this dumpster by

I'm confused on multiple levels here

Was there any porn in the pile? :pimp:

I can't do VHS anymore. I tried to rewatch some of my old Disney movies and the quality was so terrible I wished for death.

This is important.

You also gotta watch Verhoeven's most hated film, Showgirls. What people seem to miss is that you gotta watch it the same way you watch Starship Troopers. It couldn't be more tongue in cheek if it tried.

My apartment complex has two big dumpsters in the parking lot (one for trash, the other for recycling). And what was I gonna do, not embrace my inner Dude111 and save those poor abandoned tapes?

And nah, there wasn't any porn. Or maybe someone just swiped all dat sweet smut before I found the pile. I hear once someone hits Level 20 with the Perv class, they can sense whenever there's porn by a nearby dumpster.

Sounds like good times. Next time someone leaves a tape of it by a dumpster, I'm on that ****.

I can't believe you've never seen Starship Troopers. That's nerd 101.

I mean, I'd heard the name before, I'd just never gotten around to checking it out. Always meant to, but there are so many ****ing movies/books/games, you know?

Heinlein movies are fairly parallel to a King movie adaptation, but they really ran with the Troopers franchise. I'm looking forward to catching this one at some point when I have absolutely nothing else to do:

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I should probably watch 2, 3, and 4 first though.

I have a garageful of VHS because I'm a cool dude

Not to mention the most under appreciated CGI kids show ever.

https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/...20090115182105

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Aw, that was kinda adorable, in a weird sort of way. Pretty much just a bunch of estranged friends, each with their own brand of mid-life crisis, getting together for the funeral of a friend who slashed his wrists in the bathtub, and end up smoking pot, shooting the ****, and realizing just how ****ing boring life can become when you let your sense of fun and friendship slip away.

And lol @ Jeff Goldblum's character being the only one that doesn't get laid.

Dam. Never even knew this existed. I have 36 episodes to get through too.

*shrieks like a Plasma Bug*

The dialogue is at least 50% terrible one-liners but everything else is far more solid then you'd expect from a kids show. Almost assuredly why you never heard of it as whoever the hell greenlit all the money and effort they clearly put into the show didn't have enough faith to give it a timeslot worth a damn. I had to wake up at like 5am on weekdays to watch it as a kid. The airing schedule made Firefly look sensible as well. A weird decision as if it had been given a reasonable timeslot or actual marketing it would almost certainly have taken the world by storm.

Can confirm.

It's a sexth sense.

lol not appreciating a good movie

have you tried watching something other than just what your average movie bro will recommend?

Oh, also, I forgot to mention, The Big Chill had a ****ing great soundtrack. Marvin Gaye, CCR, Stones, Three Dog Night, a plethora of groovy **** that I couldn't help but sing along to 'cause I'm a ****ing loser.

Review deez nuts.

Alright, if you insist.

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Oh for ****'s sake, even the title of this piece of **** ****ing sucks.

The first movie was about a guy getting revenge on some teens who ran him over and left him for dead. And now the hook man is back to kill a bunch of people... in the bahamas... most of whom had nothing to do with his being hit by a car. Because I guess everybody was doing bad **** last summer, or something.

The girl who survived the first movie and some friends win a tropical vacation which *spoiler alert* was all orchestrated by the hook man, because he used to work at a hotel in the bahamas, and thought it'd be fun to lure Jennifer Love Hewitt and her new buds there, and then kill everyone within a five mile radius. Seriously.

Oh, and the hook man's boy joins him in some father-son slaughter bonding.

And Jack Black plays a stoner Rasta guy who takes a hedge clipper through the chest (which actually kinda made me laugh, 'cause the hook man casually peruses a bunch of tools before settling on the proper utensil for disposing of a ****ty comedian).

This movie gets two stars, one for each of Jennifer Love Hewitt's tits. The end.

it's called a VCR whippersnapper

And if I gave a ****, you'd be the first to get a **** cookie

you replied haha

I always save a snarky reply for you, sugar tits

yeah well waddya think about that

*unzips pants*

I think your guitar solos are the second sickest music you're gonna be making tonight.

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Melanie Griffith, aka the most adorable actress of the '80s/'90s, pretends to be Jewish so she can nail a murderous diamond thief in a Hasidic community.

Pretty corny Jewsploitation (which I guess was a thing in the '90s). The "tough" mafioso extortionist red herrings that show up look like Jim Belushi and Steven Segal. I guess they were supposed to be intimidating, but they came out more like Fat Tony. Good for a laugh.

Not too much action. Lots of sap. But after Something Wild and Cherry 2000 (shut up, it's a fun movie), I'm willing to forgive Melanie Griffith for pretty much anything.

Oh, and the girl from Ferris Bueller's Day Off is in it.

I give it two and a half Stars of David.

Googled "Melanie Griffith" and got this.

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Well yeah, that's what happens when you get old and shit.

But back in the day, she was like

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http://cdn2us.denofgeek.com/sites/de...?itok=UQHn8nnJ

https://s.ecrater.com/stores/25127/5...237_25127n.jpg

Ha ha ha ha ha

No

Travel and exercise videos existed purely as places for teenagers with nosy parents to stash their weed, 'cause they knew that literally nobody was ever actually gonna watch that ****.

At least you appreciate Hewitt.. Magazine photos of her were hanging in nearly every guys locker around that time. Solid review, deez nuts approve.

2 words...

Milk Money

What movie is this and is it good?

Off base. That's where you put your de-labelled porn.

****ing weird movie.