Reviewing a pile of VHS tapes I found by a dumpster

Oriphiel · 09-26-2018, 08:51 PM

*unzips pants*

I think your guitar solos are the second sickest music you're gonna be making tonight.

Oriphiel · 09-27-2018, 09:20 AM

Melanie Griffith, aka the most adorable actress of the '80s/'90s, pretends to be Jewish so she can nail a murderous diamond thief in a Hasidic community.

Pretty corny Jewsploitation (which I guess was a thing in the '90s). The "tough" mafioso extortionist red herrings that show up look like Jim Belushi and Steven Segal. I guess they were supposed to be intimidating, but they came out more like Fat Tony. Good for a laugh.

Not too much action. Lots of sap. But after Something Wild and Cherry 2000 (shut up, it's a fun movie), I'm willing to forgive Melanie Griffith for pretty much anything.

Oh, and the girl from Ferris Bueller's Day Off is in it.

I give it two and a half Stars of David.

The Batlord · 09-27-2018, 09:32 AM

Googled "Melanie Griffith" and got this.

Oriphiel · 09-27-2018, 10:17 AM

Well yeah, that's what happens when you get old and shit.

But back in the day, she was like

Oriphiel · 09-27-2018, 10:39 AM

Ha ha ha ha ha

No

Travel and exercise videos existed purely as places for teenagers with nosy parents to stash their weed, 'cause they knew that literally nobody was ever actually gonna watch that ****.

DwnWthVwls · 09-27-2018, 11:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Oriphiel

This movie gets two stars, one for each of Jennifer Love Hewitt's tits. The end.

At least you appreciate Hewitt.. Magazine photos of her were hanging in nearly every guys locker around that time. Solid review, deez nuts approve.

DwnWthVwls · 09-27-2018, 11:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Oriphiel

But back in the day, she was like

2 words...

Milk Money

~~MicShazam~~ · 09-27-2018, 11:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Oriphiel

What movie is this and is it good?

The Batlord · 09-27-2018, 11:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Oriphiel

Travel and exercise videos existed purely as places for teenagers with nosy parents to stash their weed, 'cause they knew that literally nobody was ever actually gonna watch that ****.

Off base. That's where you put your de-labelled porn.

The Batlord · 09-27-2018, 11:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DwnWthVwls

2 words...

Milk Money

****ing weird movie.

09-26-2018, 08:51 PM	#31 (permalink)
Oriphiel Ask me how! Join Date: Oct 2014 Location: The States Posts: 5,354	unzips pants I think your guitar solos are the second sickest music you're gonna be making tonight. __________________ ---------------------- \|---Mic's Albums---\| ---------------------- ----------------------------- \|---Deafbox Industries---\| -----------------------------

09-27-2018, 09:20 AM	#32 (permalink)
Oriphiel Ask me how! Join Date: Oct 2014 Location: The States Posts: 5,354	Melanie Griffith, aka the most adorable actress of the '80s/'90s, pretends to be Jewish so she can nail a murderous diamond thief in a Hasidic community. Pretty corny Jewsploitation (which I guess was a thing in the '90s). The "tough" mafioso extortionist red herrings that show up look like Jim Belushi and Steven Segal. I guess they were supposed to be intimidating, but they came out more like Fat Tony. Good for a laugh. Not too much action. Lots of sap. But after Something Wild and Cherry 2000 (shut up, it's a fun movie), I'm willing to forgive Melanie Griffith for pretty much anything. Oh, and the girl from Ferris Bueller's Day Off is in it. I give it two and a half Stars of David. __________________ ---------------------- \|---Mic's Albums---\| ---------------------- ----------------------------- \|---Deafbox Industries---\| -----------------------------

09-27-2018, 10:17 AM	#34 (permalink)
Oriphiel Ask me how! Join Date: Oct 2014 Location: The States Posts: 5,354	Well yeah, that's what happens when you get old and shit. But back in the day, she was like __________________ ---------------------- \|---Mic's Albums---\| ---------------------- ----------------------------- \|---Deafbox Industries---\| -----------------------------

09-27-2018, 10:39 AM	#35 (permalink)
Oriphiel Ask me how! Join Date: Oct 2014 Location: The States Posts: 5,354	Ha ha ha ha ha No Travel and exercise videos existed purely as places for teenagers with nosy parents to stash their weed, 'cause they knew that literally nobody was ever actually gonna watch that ****. __________________ ---------------------- \|---Mic's Albums---\| ---------------------- ----------------------------- \|---Deafbox Industries---\| -----------------------------