So you wake up in a forest...
 

Slipping out of a dream, you find yourself in the center of a small meadow, around which is a thick wall of trees. The dying branches sway in a calm breeze, autumnal flashes of color drifting to the ground with every motion.

Rubbing your tired eyes, you stand. Scattered in the grass around you are what appear to be bottles of alcohol, as well as small glass vials. You spot a glimmer as something catches the light in a nearby patch of grass. Stepping forward to examine the mysterious object, you feel something tap against your leg. Looking down at the source of the sensation, you realize that there is a longsword lashed across your waist, sheltered in a simple leather holster.

A strange noise erupts from the forest, punctuated by the rush of frightened birds taking flight. It sounds as if some mysterious beast is noisily approaching, snarling angrily.

What will you do?

---
???
---
Title: ???
Health: ???
Energy: ???
Inventory: ???

masturbate

with the reverse hand technique

Having no recollection of your identity, you conclude that the best course of action is get reacquainted with yourself, strange noise be damned. Unzipping your trousers, you decide to start with your genitals. They don't look familiar. You break them in, exploring them right then and there.

Suddenly, the source of the strange noise stumbles into the meadow. It is a massive, ferocious beast not unlike a lion, albeit with veiny wings sprouting out of its back. It appraises you, snarling through a mouthful of gigantic fangs.

Despite your fear, you suddenly have an orgasm. Huh. Maybe you have a thing for monsters, or something. Well, at this point, all info pertaining to your identity is good info, right? Logging the potential fetish into the back of your mind, you lift your trousers, sheathing one sword before pulling out the other, readying yourself for whatever may come next.

The monster rushes forth with a terrible roar.

What do you do?

---
???
---
Title: Quirky Jerker
Health: ???
Energy: ???
Inventory: ???

Approach the monster and say, "Greetings, Ori." :D

and then masturbate

As the monster draws near, rather than be rude, you decide to try and make friends with it. After all, considering your loss of memory, a friend would be much more useful right now than an enemy. Stepping towards the beast as it bounds across the meadow, you wave to it. "Ho there!" you call. "What's your name?"

"Oriiiiii!" the beast howls.

"Well, greetings, Ori!"

Just as you stick out a hand for the monster to shake, the beast crashes into you, determined to attack you in spite of your civility.

You take 1 damage, as the monster's forehead smarts your shins. Turns out that the beast's gigantic fangs are so big that it can't even open its jaws wide enough to bite you, and its wings are far too small to lift its bulky body into the sky.

Flapping its useless wings pathetically, the beast continues to headbutt you, however, without the momentum of a running start, it can't even match the 1 point of damage that it delivered with its initial attack.

Though the damage is slight, it gives you a rough idea of your endurance and pain threshold.

Eventually, the monster gives up on its attack, and sulks away.

As you watch it depart in dejection, shifting your weight onto your back leg, you feel something pressing against your thigh. There is something in your pocket.

What do you do?

---
???
---
Title: Quirky Jerker
Health: 19
Energy: ???
Inventory: Longsword

Grab one of the bottles and get drunk.

I attempt to seduce and distract/confuse the beast by emitting a piercing pterodactyl-like shriek while sauntering around in a circle alluringly.

Considering that you just survived what could have been a dangerous encounter, you decide to celebrate. Retrieving a bottle from the ground, you lift it up to your lips and finish what remains of its contents while the monster bawls to itself in the distance.

As the sweet hand of liquor takes hold of your spirits, you begin to feel bad for the poor impotent monster. Gathering up the bottles, you pour the drops dwelling in the bottom of each into two jugs, nearly filling the both of them. Thusly armed, you make your way to the mysterious beast and offer it one of the jugs.

The monster eyes you warily for a moment, before seizing the jug with its paws and throwing its head back, pouring the nourishing liquid through its teeth and into the throat behind.

The alcohol, being of the magical variety, is quite potent. Before long, the two of you are utterly smashed.

Your energy goes down by five. Though the strange drink is at first invigorating, it soon robs you of the power to stand. On the plus side, this gives you a rough idea of your level of energy.

As the jugs run dry, the two of you collapse into a heap, laughing and sobbing while trading stories. Although this at first proves somewhat difficult, considering that you can't actually remember enough about your past to impart any actual tales, you decide to just go with it, and make shit up. Turns out that you're actually pretty good at telling tall tales, because the monster buys them completely, chuckling and crying at all the proper intervals.

*Unlocked skill: Bullshit*

What will you do?

---
???
---
Title: Drunk Tugger
Health: 19
Energy: 15
Inventory: Longsword
Skills: Bullshit