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View Poll Results: Walk like...
A man. 2 28.57%
An Egyptian. 3 42.86%
An anal bead. 2 28.57%
Voters: 7. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 02-03-2018, 11:52 AM   #41 (permalink)
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What the ****? I don't even know how to play D&D, let alone know what a DM even does.
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There is only one bright spot and that is the growing habit of disgruntled men of dynamiting factories and power-stations; I hope that, encouraged now as ‘patriotism’, may remain a habit! But it won’t do any good, if it is not universal.
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Old 02-03-2018, 11:56 AM   #42 (permalink)
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Well I'm assuming this would be a very very simplified version of your typical d&d campaign without a whole lot of structure/tedious rules to adhere to.

Actually what about bulbasaur, he'd be the perfect DM
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Old 02-03-2018, 11:59 AM   #43 (permalink)
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He would.
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Originally Posted by J.R.R. Tolkien
There is only one bright spot and that is the growing habit of disgruntled men of dynamiting factories and power-stations; I hope that, encouraged now as ‘patriotism’, may remain a habit! But it won’t do any good, if it is not universal.
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Old 02-03-2018, 12:00 PM   #44 (permalink)
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Also would we be doing this via voice chat ever? That would probably be more fun though I suppose it'd be easiest on the forum due to conflicting schedules and whatnot.
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Old 02-03-2018, 12:03 PM   #45 (permalink)
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The site Qwerty put up looks like it has video chat. I kind of doubt that my Chromebook could do that without exploding, but maybe I'll at least be able to do voice chat. D&D without realtime interactions sounds like less than half the experience.
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Originally Posted by J.R.R. Tolkien
There is only one bright spot and that is the growing habit of disgruntled men of dynamiting factories and power-stations; I hope that, encouraged now as ‘patriotism’, may remain a habit! But it won’t do any good, if it is not universal.
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Old 02-03-2018, 12:08 PM   #46 (permalink)
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The site Qwerty put up looks like it has video chat. I kind of doubt that my Chromebook could do that without exploding, but maybe I'll at least be able to do voice chat. D&D without realtime interactions sounds like less than half the experience.
Yeah I agree with this mostly. (Because if it's all just text in a forum then one might as well go to one of those ancient roleplaying forums that have existed since the beginning of time and join one of their 1849545 ongoing threads) I imagine any chat/app that has voice chat would suffice though..? Can your computer run Discord or Skype? I think Discord can do all that.
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Old 02-03-2018, 12:11 PM   #47 (permalink)
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yeah voice chat all the way

hold up i'll make a thread
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Old 02-04-2018, 11:05 AM   #48 (permalink)
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throw your feces at ori
Feeling as well as can be expected, and having completely emptied all of the bottles in the meadow, you decide to venture into the forest. After all, there is nothing left for you here, and you're beginning to feel the pangs of hunger. Ori watches you as you step past the treeline, quietly observing. The branches scratch at your forearms as you brush them aside, carefully ducking under a spider web. Though the cold air has driven the spiders themselves back into the hell from which such creatures are birthed, it seems their sticky ass-thread hammocks yet remain.

Unwilling to be left alone, Ori eventually follows after you, excitedly bumping into your ass and accidentally knocking you into the sharp fingers of a thorny bush. Swearing up a hurricane of 'fuck's and 'shit's, with a downpouring of 'cunt's, you untangle yourself from the clutches of the bush, pushing yourself away from it.

Before you can slay and devour Ori, your anger is abated by the sight of berries scattered across the thorny bush. Big, blue, juicy berries. You find it hard to resist the prospect of eating them, doubting that they're poisonous. After all, what kind of a pussy ass toxic plant would be colored blue? Everyone knows that that shit isn't really dangerous unless it's, like, red or yellow. You go for it.

You try one.

The effect is immediate.

Your stomach begins to skip rope with your intestines. Unzipping and throwing off your trousers, you find a spot behind a tree and prepare for the wrath of nature. You don't have to wait long.

Your body is wracked with pain, and you lose 5 points of both health and energy.

Making a sound that you interpret as laughter, Ori watches you with amused eyes for a moment, before growing bored of your plight and sticking his head between his legs to lick his genitals, as lion-things do. However, he soon remembers that his massive teeth prevent his tongue from leaving his mouth, and turns to wallowing in existential grief instead.

As the storm within your gut mounts, you suddenly hear a sound coming from within the forest. Just as you glance in the direction of the noise, a man-sized bird appears from out of the foliage. The large beast has stout wings that probably offer it no more than the ability to glide short distances, and a tremendously sharp looking beak.

Though it doesn't seem to have spotted you yet, it soon takes notice of Ori, and rushes towards him with terrible speed. Being occupied with delivering a mournful soliloquy comprised of lion-noises, Ori is unaware of the approaching danger. You shout his name, to no avail. The beast is almost upon him.

Your disc and sword are with your trousers, which you dropped in haste whilst rushing to a secluded spot in which you could suffer nature's lashes. Thinking quickly, you decide to use the only thing at hand to warn your friend, quickly scooping up a handful and lobbing it at him.

The fistful of goop hits Ori square in the back of the head just as the large bird leaps towards him. Reflexively springing to his feet and running from the strange sensation, Ori narrowly avoids the beak as it cuts the air where he had been sitting.

Not wasting any time, you dash to your trousers and retrieve your weapons.

What do you do now?

---
???
---
Title: Dirty Chucker
Health: 14
Energy: 12
Inventory: Longsword, Disc
Skills: Bullshit
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Old 02-04-2018, 11:15 AM   #49 (permalink)
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try to **** the bird
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Old 02-06-2018, 01:54 PM   #50 (permalink)
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try to **** the bird
Though you could use your disc to fight the bird from afar, possibly saving Ori, you feel a rush of sexual energy, and decide to throw your trousers and weapons back to the ground and rush the monster. By the time you reach it, it has already seriously injured Ori.

Grappling with the bird, you sustain myriad pecks and talon swipes. The monster screeches as you overpower it, and stand poised to slay it. The terrible bird is at your mercy, and you can tell by the fear in it's eyes that it knows it. However, rather than kill it, your growing sexual energy suddenly surges into an irresistible wave, and you begin to make out with the bird.

Drawn by the noise of the battle, two people approach. Unsheathing their swords, they step forward to assist you in what they believe is a desperate fight, only to stop when they realize what you're actually doing to the bird. Disgusted, they mutter to each other in a tongue that you don't understand.

You smile nervously. "Hi."

The two people stare down at you in silence. Reaching into the pocket of his formless leather cuirass, the first pulls out some sort of device.

You decide to be polite to the two strangers. "There's room for two more, if you want to hop in," you say.

Now free from your grasp, the bird leaps up and pecks at your face. Not long after, the first stranger throws the device at you.

The world becomes a bright and painful flare, eventually dying down into an utterly black void.

Waking from your dreamless sleep some time later, you find yourself locked in a large cage on wheels connected to the back of a wagon, being hauled by a team of creatures that look like a cross between crabs and horses. You're surrounded by ferocious creatures, including the bird. However, instead of tearing you to pieces, the monsters simply eye you wearily. Now that you think about it, you feel pretty tired and apathetic yourself. Rather than shout for help, or try to break free, you simply sit there until the wagon reaches it's destination.

In time, the two strangers lead the wagon to a large clearing in the forest, across which are scattered other wagons. On the side of one, you see a word and a picture painted in bold colors. Though the word is indecipherable, the picture seems to be that of a circus tent.

The wagon stops, and the two strangers crack open the cage, ushering you and the beasts out. A man approaches the two strangers. Still speaking in their strange tongue, they point out all of the monsters as they talk to him. When their eyes fall upon you, the look of disgust returns to their faces as they speak. After listening to what they have to say about you, the man laughs, and claps his hands.

For a moment, you are in a strange sort of world filled with marble statues where everything is weightless. You have no idea where you are, but it feels good, and you want to stay.

However, what seems like only a second later, you wake up in yet another cage. This one is smaller, and seems to be a small room of wooden construct, with metal bars at the front. You are the only creature inside of it. Looking through the bars, you can see that the monsters have been restrained in their own cages as well.

You look around. Other than the metal bars, and the dark knots in the wooden planks surrounding you, it is utterly featureless. You rub your aching head. "Bastards could've at least given me a bed..." you mutter, as you sit down. On the up side, you seem to be free from the apathy that afflicted you earlier.

Your fight with the bird, and the fatigue you suffered from the stranger's device, have dropped your health and energy by 4 points each.

The bombardment of sexual urges that you earlier experienced have confirmed that you have a thing for monsters.

*Unlocked skill: Monster Mash*

From now on, when you encounter a monster of high intelligence that shares a common language with you, attempts to woo them will be more successful than usual. Trying to randomly screw dumb wild beasts, however, is just going to result in you getting scratched to hell, and/or arrested.

Your pants have been returned, but your weapons are gone.

What do you do now?

*Hint* Maybe you should get some rest.

---
???
---
Title: Circus Freak
Health: 10
Energy: 8
Inventory: -
Skills: Bullshit, Monster Mash
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