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Oriphiel 08-16-2017 11:23 AM
Weird/Awesome Historical Figures
 
You know when you're screwing around on wikipedia, and you stumble across the page of someone so strange or badass that you just kinda pause for a moment to appreciate their amazingness? This thread is dedicated to them, the lesser known heroes who make history so much fun.

Izumo no Okuni (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Izumo_no_Okuni) - An ex-priestess who became famous for doing sexy dances, and singing songs filled with innuendo. Started an all-girl troupe comprised of former prostitutes, and created the Kabuki style of theater pretty much just for the avant-garde lulz. Years after she disappeared from the public eye, the Shogun outlawed women from performing in Kabuki theater, 'cause women are evil or whatever.

Mi Heng (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mi_Heng, although the classic novels Records of the Three Kingdoms and Romance of the Three Kingdoms go into more detail) - Basically an internet troll in late Han dynasty China. His hobby was mercilessly criticizing people. Still, his boss Liu Biao recognized his intelligence, and sent him to work for Cao Cao, who at that time controlled the imperial court. Mi Heng almost instantly shat on Cao Cao and all of his officers, and then performed an epic drum solo that made them all cry, before ripping off all of his clothes. Fuck yeah. Too bad Cao Cao got butthurt over his insults, and sent him to work for Huang Zu, knowing that Huang Zu would execute the shit out of him for impertinence. Which he did.

Oriphiel 08-16-2017 06:17 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by wikipedia
Romans seem to have found the idea of a female gladiator novel and entertaining, or downright absurd; Juvenal titillates his readers with a woman named "Mevia", hunting boars in the arena "with spear in hand and breasts exposed", and Petronius mocks the pretensions of a rich, low-class citizen, whose munus includes a woman fighting from a cart or chariot. A munus of 89 AD, during Domitian's reign, featured a battle between female gladiators, described as "Amazons". In Halicarnassus, a 2nd-century AD relief depicts two female combatants named "Amazon" and "Achillia"; their match ended in a draw. In the same century, an epigraph praises one of Ostia's local elite as the first to "arm women" in the history of its games. Female gladiators probably submitted to the same regulations and training as their male counterparts.
#MeviaForPresident

Oriphiel 08-17-2017 02:24 AM
O Homo (https://truewestmagazine.com/o-homo-slideshow/) - A super intelligent and super buff naked dude who wandered across the Wild West, eventually ending up in Tombstone, where he was arrested for indecent exposure. While waiting to be tried, he became famous for his sharp wit, as he laid down sick burns on the local sheriff, and expounded on his nakedness to the curious townspeople. "I take pardonable pride in my cuteness," he said, when asked about his lack of clothing. When pressed further, he explained that he simply thought that the human body was beautiful and perfect as it was, and that clothing was "uncivilized". Eventually, one of the local papers became so impressed with his awesomeness that they hired him as a writer. My favorite quote of his: "Reach to the most distant star and gather together the whole starry cosmos in your apron of wisdom, but know that all is but trash when compared to the brightest gem that ever adorned fair woman's brow, the only jewel worth wearing, the smile of contentment."

Puhua (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Puhua) - A weirdo zen master from China who inspired Fuke Zen, a religious group of Buddhist monks who wore big baskets on their heads and played bamboo flutes. Rather than try to describe him, I'll just leave some excerpts from his wiki page:

Quote:
Originally Posted by wikipedia
When Panshan Baoji was near death, he said to the monks, "Is there anyone among you who can draw my likeness?"

Many of the monks made drawings for Panshan, but none were to his liking.

The monk Puhua stepped forward and said, "I can draw it."

Panshan said, "Why don't you show it to me?"

Puhua then turned a somersault and went out.

Panshan said, "Someday, that fellow will teach others in a crazy manner!"

Having said these words, Panshan passed away.
I don't know what's better; Puhua stunning all the monks with a surprise somersault, or the fact his master praises him and then dies immediately after, as if the somersault was so sick that his heart couldn't take it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by wikipedia
One day the master (Linji Yixuan) and Puhua went to a vegetarian banquet given them by a believer. During it, the master asked Puhua: "'A hair swallows the vast ocean, a mustard seed contains Mt. Sumeru' – does this happen by means of supernatural powers, or is the whole body (substance, essence) like this?" Puhua kicked over the table. The master said: "Rough fellow." Puhua retorted: "What place is this here to speak of rough and refined?"

The next day, they went again to a vegetarian banquet. During it, the master asked: "Today's fare, how does it compare with yesterday's?" Puhua (as before) kicked over the table. The master said: "Understand it you do – but still, you are a rough fellow." Puhua replied: "Blind fellow, does one preach of any roughness or finesse in the Buddha-Dharma?" The master stuck out his tongue.
Ah yes, reaching enlightenment via flipping tables. I think Puhua might be the patron saint of memes.

pastelcrowd 08-17-2017 04:54 AM
These are so cool haha!

Psy-Fi 08-17-2017 05:39 AM
http://i.imgur.com/WDossuA.jpg
Edwin Booth

Quote:
Edwin Booth was a famous 19th century American actor who toured throughout the United States and the major capitals of Europe, performing Shakespeare. In 1869 Edwin founded Booth’s Theatre in New York, a spectacular theatre that was modern for its time. He was a celebrity during his day and some historians consider Edwin the greatest American actor, and the greatest Hamlet, of the 19th century. However, he is usually remembered today as the brother of John Wilkes Booth, the man who assassinated President Abraham Lincoln. After John Wilkes shot President Lincoln in April 1865, the infamy associated with the Booth name forced Edwin to abandon the stage for many months. At the time of the assassination he was feuding with John Wilkes and disowned his younger brother after the event, refusing to have his name spoken.

In a bizarre coincidence, Edwin Booth saved Abraham Lincoln’s son Robert from serious injury or even death on a train platform in Jersey City, New Jersey. The exact date of the incident is uncertain, but it is believed to have taken place in late 1864 or early 1865, shortly before Edwin’s brother assassinated Abraham Lincoln. The event occurred while a group of passengers were purchasing their sleeping car places on the train station platform. The platform was about the height of a car floor, and there was a narrow space between the platform and the car body. As the train moved, Robert Lincoln was pushed into the open space and Edwin grabbed him by the coat collar and pulled him to safety. Upon turning to thank his rescuer, Robert recognized the man as Edwin Booth, whose face was well known.
Top 10 Strange, Interesting, and Unique Biographies - Toptenz.net

Frownland 08-17-2017 07:43 AM
Diogenes the cynic made a virtue of extreme poverty, made Plato look like a right idiot, and shat during plays. A rich man once told him not to spit on the floor so he spat in the rich man's face.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diogenes

Oriphiel 08-17-2017 07:48 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Frownland (Post 1865340)
Diogenes the cynic made a virtue of extreme poverty, made Plato look like a right idiot, and shat during plays. A rich man once told him not to spit on the floor so he spat in the rich man's face.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diogenes
:laughing:

Cuthbert 08-17-2017 08:01 AM
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Max_Woosnam

Chiomara 08-17-2017 04:04 PM
https://pics.me.me/julie-daubigny-wa...r-26726906.png
Badass of the Week: Julie D'Aubigny, La Maupin

Quote:
Julie D'Aubigny was a 17th-century bisexual French opera singer and fencing master who killed or wounded at least ten men in life-or-death duels, performed nightly shows on the biggest and most highly-respected opera stage in the world, and once took the Holy Orders just so that she could sneak into a convent and bang a nun. If nothing in that sentence at least marginally interests you, I have no idea why you're visiting this website.

One of the most badass human beings ever produced by France was born in 1670 into a life of wealth, privilege, and one-percenter opulence that meant she could have just spent her entire life chilling out Real Housewives style without ever so much as having to shank a single human being in the eye in a hellacious fit of rage, but, as we shall soon see, that sort of malaise really wasn't this chick's bag. Her father was the Grand Squire of France, meaning that he was pretty much the number-one dude responsible for training King Louis XIV's pages and maintaining the Royal Stables, and this guy wasn't really the sort of hard-drinking drill sergeant mother****er who was going to let his little daughter grow up without learning the finer arts of dishing out knuckle sandwiches to her enemies or running would-be suitors through the small intestines with the pointy end of a rapier. This French R. Lee Ermey trained young Julie the same way he trained the King's Squires, and as a young woman she learned the finer points of necessary life skills such as horseback riding, horse maintenance and repair, drinking excessively, gambling, fistfighting, avenging your honor, and stabbing people in the ****ing face when they don't have the good sense to step off when you're threatening them. Growing up surrounded by tough men, this tall young beauty with the dark auburn hair and piercing blue eyes was forged into an instrument of badassitude.

Oriphiel 08-17-2017 04:14 PM
Holy shit, that chick was hardcore. :love:

Zer0 08-17-2017 04:17 PM
https://i0.wp.com/altereddimensions....size=550%2C434

"Mad" Jack Churchill
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jack_Churchill

A candidate for one of the biggest badasses in history. Fought for Britain in World War 2 armed with only a Scottish broadsword, a longbow and a set of bagpipes. His belief was that "Any officer who goes into action without his sword is improperly dressed."

Quote:
In July 1943, as commanding officer, he led 2 Commando from their landing site at Catania in Sicily with his trademark Scottish broadsword slung around his waist, a longbow and arrows around his neck and his bagpipes under his arm,[18] which he also did in the landings at Salerno.

Also, at the town of Pigoletti, he captured the town by throwing so many bombs that the Italians holding Pigoletti thought they were being attacked by half the British Army. [19]

Leading 2 Commando, Churchill was ordered to capture a German observation post outside the town of Molina (it; nl), controlling a pass leading down to the Salerno beachhead.[20] With the help of a corporal, he infiltrated the town and captured the post, taking 42 prisoners including a mortar squad. Churchill led the men and prisoners back down the pass, with the wounded being carried on carts pushed by German prisoners. He commented that it was "an image from the Napoleonic Wars."[20] He received the Distinguished Service Order for leading this action at Salerno.[21]

Churchill later walked back to the town to retrieve his sword, which he had lost in hand-to-hand combat with the German regiment. On his way there, he encountered a disoriented American patrol, mistakenly walking towards enemy lines. When the NCO in command of the patrol refused to turn around, Churchill told them that he was going his own way and "that he wouldn't come back for a bloody third time".[2]
He also lived to the ripe old age of 89.

Oriphiel 08-17-2017 04:24 PM
If America ever goes to war with North Korea, and I get drafted, you bet yer ass I'm finding some kind of loophole that lets me bring bagpipes with me.

The Batlord 08-17-2017 04:25 PM
That is a dedicated slut. :clap:

Chiomara 08-17-2017 04:38 PM

Quote:
AT THE DAWN OF THE 19th century, a former prostitute from a floating brothel in the city of Canton was wed to Cheng I, a fearsome pirate who operated in the South China Sea in the Qing dynasty.

Though the name under which we now know her, Ching Shih, simply means “Cheng’s widow,” the legacy she left behind far exceeded that of her husband’s. Following his death, she succeeded him and commanded over 1,800 pirate ships, and an estimated 80,000 men. In comparison, the famed Blackbeard commanded four ships and 300 pirates within the same century. As a result, Ching Shih is known as one of the most successful pirates in known history.

Ching Shih unified her enormous fleet of pirates using a code of laws. The code was strict, and stated that any pirate giving his own orders or disobeying those of a superior was to be beheaded on the spot. The code was particularly unusual in its laws regarding female captives. If a pirate raped a female captive, he would be put to death. If the sex between the two was consensual, both would be put to death.

There are further accounts of Ching Shih’s code that state that if a pirate took a captive as his wife, he was required to be faithful to her (although others say that captains would have multiple wives). “Whatever they thought about her, it does seem clear that the pirates respected and obeyed her authority,” says Murray.

The Red Flag Fleet under Ching Shih’s rule went undefeated, despite attempts by Qing dynasty officials, the Portuguese navy, and the East India Company to vanquish it. After three years of notoriety on the high seas, Ching Shih finally retired in 1810 by accepting an offer of amnesty from the Chinese government.

Blue Hawk 08-18-2017 01:57 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Batlord (Post 1865469)
That is a dedicated slut. :clap:
So godless. You need to repent.

Oriphiel 08-20-2017 05:17 AM
Charles Earles Boles (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_Bart_(outlaw)) - A daring and well spoken "gentleman thief" who robbed Wells Fargo stagecoaches with a shotgun (though he never actually harmed anyone during his robberies). Polite and respectful, he became famous for leaving poems behind.

Quote:
Originally Posted by wikipedia
Boles adopted the nickname "Black Bart" and proceeded to rob Wells Fargo stagecoaches at least 28 times across northern California between 1875 and 1883, including a number of times along the historic Siskiyou Trail between California and Oregon. He only left two poems – at the fourth and fifth robbery sites – but this came to be considered his signature and ensured his fame. Black Bart was quite successful, often taking in thousands of dollars a year.

Ironically, Boles was afraid of horses and made all of his robberies on foot. Together with his poems, this earned him notoriety. He supposedly never once fired a weapon during his years as an outlaw.

Boles was invariably polite and used no foul language, despite its appearance in his poems. He dressed in a long linen duster coat and a bowler hat, using a flour sack with holes cut for his eyes as a mask. He brandished a shotgun, but never used it. These features became his trademarks.

On July 26, 1875, Boles robbed his first stagecoach in Calaveras County, California, on the road between Copperopolis and Milton. He spoke with a deep and resonant tone as he politely ordered stage driver John Shine to "throw down the box". As Shine handed over the strongbox, Boles shouted, "If he dares to shoot, give him a solid volley, boys". Seeing rifle barrels pointed at him from the nearby bushes, Shine quickly handed over the strongbox. Shine waited until Boles vanished and then went to recover the empty strongbox, but upon examining the area, he discovered that the "men with rifles" were actually carefully rigged sticks. Black Bart's first robbery netted him $160.
Here are his poems:

Quote:
Originally Posted by wikipedia
I've labored long and hard for bread,
For honor, and for riches,
But on my corns too long you've tread,
You fine-haired sons of bitches.

— Black Bart, 1877

Here I lay me down to sleep
To wait the coming morrow,
Perhaps success, perhaps defeat,
And everlasting sorrow.
Let come what will, I'll try it on,
My condition can't be worse;
And if there's money in that box
'Tis munny in my purse.

— Black Bart


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