Jokes robbed from TV or movies

Neapolitan · 11-27-2016, 08:28 PM

Peter Gibbons: So I was sitting in my cubicle today, and I realized, ever since I started working, every single day of my life has been worse than the day before it. So that means that every single day that you see me, that’s on the worst day of my life.

Therapist:What about today? Is today the worst day of your life?

Peter Gibbons: Yeah.

Therapist: Wow, that’s messed up!

~~~

Samir: No one in this country can ever pronounce my name right. It’s not that hard: Nayee-Nanajar. Nayeenanajar.

Michael Bolton: Yeah, well, at least you’re name isn’t Michael Bolton.

Samir: You know, there’s nothing wrong with that name.

Michael Bolton: There WAS nothing wrong with it… until I was about 12 years old, and that no-talent-ass-clown because famous and started winning Grammys.

Samir: Why don’t you just go by Mike, instead of Michael?

Michael Bolton: No way! Why should I change it? He’s the one who sucks.

Key · 11-27-2016, 09:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Neapolitan

Peter Gibbons: So I was sitting in my cubicle today, and I realized, ever since I started working, every single day of my life has been worse than the day before it. So that means that every single day that you see me, that’s on the worst day of my life.

Therapist:What about today? Is today the worst day of your life?

Peter Gibbons: Yeah.

Therapist: Wow, that’s messed up!

~~~

Samir: No one in this country can ever pronounce my name right. It’s not that hard: Nayee-Nanajar. Nayeenanajar.

Michael Bolton: Yeah, well, at least you’re name isn’t Michael Bolton.

Samir: You know, there’s nothing wrong with that name.

Michael Bolton: There WAS nothing wrong with it… until I was about 12 years old, and that no-talent-ass-clown because famous and started winning Grammys.

Samir: Why don’t you just go by Mike, instead of Michael?

Michael Bolton: No way! Why should I change it? He’s the one who sucks.

I love this.

Aloysius · 11-28-2016, 03:16 AM

From Flight of the Conchords:

Bret: Have you ever had a threesome?
Jemaine: Nearly.
Bret: What do you mean "nearly"?
Jemaine: I've had a twosome.

---------------------------------------------------

Jemaine: I can see why you broke up with her. She was hard work.
Bret: Oh no, she broke up with me.
Jemaine: Yeah, she broke up with me too. That's what I mean, it was hard work staying together with her wanting to break up all the time.

Trollheart · 11-28-2016, 05:31 AM

The great Peter Cook tells in an interview of a time he was at a restaurant, and this loud, abusive guy, rich as ****, realises his table has not been reserved. Angry and indignant he starts yelling "This is not good enough! For God's sake! Do you know who I AM?"

Cook immediately jumps up, shouts "My God! Somebody help this man! He's forgotten who he is! Does anyone know who this man is???"

Ol’ Qwerty Bastard · 11-28-2016, 05:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aloysius

From Flight of the Conchords:

Bret: Have you ever had a threesome?
Jemaine: Nearly.
Bret: What do you mean "nearly"?
Jemaine: I've had a twosome.

---------------------------------------------------

Jemaine: I can see why you broke up with her. She was hard work.
Bret: Oh no, she broke up with me.
Jemaine: Yeah, she broke up with me too. That's what I mean, it was hard work staying together with her wanting to break up all the time.

Funniest ****ing show, I swear.

11-28-2016, 05:31 AM	#4 (permalink)
Trollheart Born to be mild Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: 404 Not Found Posts: 26,996	The great Peter Cook tells in an interview of a time he was at a restaurant, and this loud, abusive guy, rich as ***, realises his table has not been reserved. Angry and indignant he starts yelling "This is not good enough! For God's sake! Do you know who I AM?" Cook immediately jumps up, shouts "My God! Somebody help this man! He's forgotten who he is! Does anyone know who this man is???" __________________ Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018*

11-28-2016, 03:16 AM	#3 (permalink)
Aloysius Music Addict Join Date: Aug 2015 Location: Adelaide, Australia Posts: 353	From Flight of the Conchords: Bret: Have you ever had a threesome? Jemaine: Nearly. Bret: What do you mean "nearly"? Jemaine: I've had a twosome. --------------------------------------------------- Jemaine: I can see why you broke up with her. She was hard work. Bret: Oh no, she broke up with me. Jemaine: Yeah, she broke up with me too. That's what I mean, it was hard work staying together with her wanting to break up all the time.