Frownland's Aleoteric Advice Arena
 

Step one: you ask me a question.
Step two: I perform a chance operation that will decide some element of my answer.
Step three: I construct an appropriate answer using the criteria established in step two.

So tell me MB, what ails you?

My stomach feels utterly awful after a night of drinking followed by projectile spewing

Dearest Frownland, what is your advice for me to feel better?

Frownland, YorkeDaddy won't put out no matter how many times I get sexy for him. What can I do to make him love me? Don't suggest poison or sleep aids as I've already tried and failed.

Dear Frownland,

I've been drinking a lot of chocolate milk lately. Will my boobs get bigger, or does the syrup counteract the growth hormones of a pure American vitamin D cow juice?

Sincerely,

So Serious

Method: random number generator determining the length of my responses. The range (1-57) was determined using the I Ching.

Integer: 23

I would recommend sleeping or doing drugs to keep the party going. You can always suck it up and deal with it, too.

Integer: 20

You should wait until he is hungover from a night of drinking and revive him.
Then he'll be all yours.

Integer: 22

If you drink enough your boobs will gain weight and grow in size along with the rest of the body. For real.

Dear Frownie,

I gave my child 10 dollars to buy his first CD today, and he came home with a Gary Glitter album. There's no parental advisory sticker on it or anything, but I want to be completely sure. Is this album okay for my little kid?

Sincerely,
Concerned in Connecticut

*cough*

Dear Chula...

*cough*

Ki's just mad that I've been working hard lately to pay the bills and I just don't have the energy for the sexytimes when I get home

Frownie, how can I get him to understand that work comes before hot, steamy lovin?

*flips coin*

Heads: The album will make your child wiser.

*pulls card from deck*

Queen of diamonds: have him put a ring on it, gurrrrl.

Dear Frown,

Why did you bump this shitty thread?

DWV

Dear Frownland,

I should be working on my thesis, but I'm not, and just thinking about it makes me want to go back to bed and sleep until May when it's all over. How do I resume a reasonable level of responsibility/energy/non-hatred of my university career before the end of December?

Warm regards,

Paedant

*grabs dictionary*

First integer set: 22, 13, 36
22=V, page 13, word 36
Vernal: of, pertaining to, or appearing or occurring in, the spring.

Second integer set: 10, 9, 26
10=J, page 9, word 26
Jocasta: the queen who unwittingly marries her own son, Oedipus, and kills herself when she finds out.

Third integer set: 11, 1, 43
11=k, page one, word 43
Kala azar: an infectious disease, a type off leishmaniasis, that occurs in subtropical or tropical areas, caused by a protozoan parasite (Leishmania donovani) transmitted by sand flies (esp. genus Phlebotomus), and characterized by an enlarged spleen and liver, irregular fever, anemia, etc.

Advice: I did it to save you. Avoid vernal trips to the tropics, for you might be infected with kala azar, which could lead you to meeting your own son who is acting as your caregiver, who you then fall in love with, marry, and eventually endure the fate of Jocasta.

Tl;dr go somewhere cold if you travel.

*looks at object nearest to him*

Beer bottle: get drunk.

Dear Frownland,

I can't stop smoking joints. I know I shouldn't smoke so much, but I think i'm in an unbeatable high and I can't get away. Any advice.

Sincerely,
Yours Truly.

Frownland, I want to know how to improvise the sickest solos, but I can't be arsed to learn all those scales, modes and arpeggios. Should I dicipline myself and practice that ****, or just play atonal stuff because I don't know any better, and then call it avant-garde?

The I Ching says:

Savage.

The I Ching says:

How does a musical genius like Zappa die of ass cancer?

could you tell your mom to stop calling me

CCould you give me tips on how to start making posts that are nut complete random bul****

I hear voices in my head and don't know if I'm reiterating their words when I speak or not.

How do I rig the votes so I can win "most under appreciated member," and thus finally find existential purpose in my life?

Dear frown

How do I stop a certain someone from rigging the mb awards?

By forever swearing off frijoles and reruns of The Shield.

Integer: 34

Your 34th most recent post will hold your answer

The I Ching says