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Old 02-19-2018, 11:02 PM   #251 (permalink)
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It is not a question of suppressing the spoken language, but of giving words approximately the importance they have in dreams.

— Antonin Artaud


It’s a dangerous thing to say what a picture is. If things get too specific, the dream stops. There are things that happen sometimes that open a door that lets you soar out and feel a bigger thing. Like when the mind gets involved in a mystery. It’s a thrilling feeling. When you talk about things, unless you’re a poet, a big thing becomes smaller.

— David Lynch


There are words we say in the dark.
There are words we speak in the light.
And sometimes they’re the same words.

— Li-Young Lee, from “The Undressing,” The American Poetry Review (vol. 47, no. 1, January/February 2018)


There’s a sorrow that’s so old and silver it’s no longer
sorry. There’s a place
between desire and memory, some back porch
we can neither wish for nor recall.

—Don McKay, from “Song for the Song of the Wood Thrush,” Angular Unconformity: Collected Poems 1970-2014
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Old 03-10-2018, 02:51 AM   #252 (permalink)
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— Margaret Atwood, from “Speeches for Dr Frankenstein”
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Old 03-11-2018, 03:44 PM   #253 (permalink)
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"You don’t know anyone at the party, so you don’t want to go. You don’t like cottage cheese, so you haven’t eaten it in years. This is your choice, of course, but don’t kid yourself: it’s also the flinch. Your personality is not set in stone. You may think a morning coffee is the most enjoyable thing in the world, but it’s really just a habit. Thirty days without it, and you would be fine. You think you have a soul mate, but in fact you could have had any number of spouses. You would have evolved differently, but been just as happy.
You can change what you want about yourself at any time. You see yourself as someone who can’t write or play an instrument, who gives in to temptation or makes bad decisions, but that’s really not you. It’s not ingrained. It’s not your personality. Your personality is something else, something deeper than just preferences, and these details on the surface, you can change anytime you like.

If it is useful to do so, you must abandon your identity and start again. Sometimes, it’s the only way."
— Julien Smith, The Flinch

Spoiler for indulgent rambling:
I think about this one a lot; I know all this to be true, but I'm seemingly only able to permanently change things during very narrow windows of time (ones which I can neither force nor predict) and if I miss them, I remain stuck in a cycle (one step forward, two steps vaguely sideways and then just straight off a cliff) that no amount of epiphanies or life-altering traumas can sever, oscillating endlessly between opposite extremes in an attempt to find the middle point between the two burning towers of wreckage that make up my outer persona and my actual personality+hilariously ineffective coping mechanisms.
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Old 03-11-2018, 03:55 PM   #254 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Chiomara View Post
"You don’t know anyone at the party, so you don’t want to go. You don’t like cottage cheese, so you haven’t eaten it in years. This is your choice, of course, but don’t kid yourself: it’s also the flinch. Your personality is not set in stone. You may think a morning coffee is the most enjoyable thing in the world, but it’s really just a habit. Thirty days without it, and you would be fine. You think you have a soul mate, but in fact you could have had any number of spouses. You would have evolved differently, but been just as happy.
You can change what you want about yourself at any time. You see yourself as someone who can’t write or play an instrument, who gives in to temptation or makes bad decisions, but that’s really not you. It’s not ingrained. It’s not your personality. Your personality is something else, something deeper than just preferences, and these details on the surface, you can change anytime you like.

If it is useful to do so, you must abandon your identity and start again. Sometimes, it’s the only way."
— Julien Smith, The Flinch

Spoiler for indulgent rambling:
I think about this one a lot; I know all this to be true, but I'm seemingly only able to permanently change things during very narrow windows of time (ones which I can neither force nor predict) and if I miss them, I remain stuck in a cycle (one step forward, two steps vaguely sideways and then just straight off a cliff) that no amount of epiphanies or life-altering traumas can sever, oscillating endlessly between opposite extremes in an attempt to find the middle point between the two burning towers of wreckage that make up my outer persona and my actual personality+hilariously ineffective coping mechanisms.
If anyone can change their life on a whim like that then they probably have a serious mood or personality disorder.
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Originally Posted by J.R.R. Tolkien
There is only one bright spot and that is the growing habit of disgruntled men of dynamiting factories and power-stations; I hope that, encouraged now as ‘patriotism’, may remain a habit! But it won’t do any good, if it is not universal.
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Old 03-11-2018, 04:14 PM   #255 (permalink)
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If anyone can change their life on a whim like that then they probably have a serious mood or personality disorder.
Well, yeah, that's probably true somewhat. (Which clearly means that I am a shining paragon of mental health in comparison!) My mother definitely has some sort of diagnosed mood disorder and she switches jobs (and boyfriends, and fad diets) every 6 weeks pretty much.
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Old 03-11-2018, 04:19 PM   #256 (permalink)
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TBH if you can't develop an emotional connection with your current life that makes you reticent to change it then that might very well speak to your ability to create stable relationships in general.

Not that I'm casting stones, as my reticence is more fear based than connection based.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by J.R.R. Tolkien
There is only one bright spot and that is the growing habit of disgruntled men of dynamiting factories and power-stations; I hope that, encouraged now as ‘patriotism’, may remain a habit! But it won’t do any good, if it is not universal.
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Old 03-11-2018, 04:45 PM   #257 (permalink)
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TBH if you can't develop an emotional connection with your current life that makes you reticent to change it then that might very well speak to your ability to create stable relationships in general.

Not that I'm casting stones, as my reticence is more fear based than connection based.
Right; that thing in particular is a hallmark of Borderline personality disorder, (partly due to attachment issues in childhood + parents that were wildly inconsistent in terms of their emotional availability? Or whatever) I think. When it's connection based, anyway. Fear based reticence and/or just general cautionary avoidance is perfectly normal I'd imagine. Mine is about half and half I'd say.
(I was going to say it often feels like I have that "impostor syndrome" thing-- but that only traditionally applies to successful people, which I am not. But there's the constant fear that if I aimed a bit higher in life, it would work out okay at first, but then soon enough everyone would suddenly realize that I am an inherently Bad and incompetent goblin that merely managed to temporarily fool everyone/weasel my way in and then they'd chase me out of town with pitchforks and I'd be left with nothing.)
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Old 03-11-2018, 06:34 PM   #258 (permalink)
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Props on being able to think that anyone would be able to even temporarily think you could be successful.
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Originally Posted by J.R.R. Tolkien
There is only one bright spot and that is the growing habit of disgruntled men of dynamiting factories and power-stations; I hope that, encouraged now as ‘patriotism’, may remain a habit! But it won’t do any good, if it is not universal.
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Old 03-11-2018, 08:41 PM   #259 (permalink)
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Props on being able to think that anyone would be able to even temporarily think you could be successful.
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Old 03-11-2018, 08:52 PM   #260 (permalink)
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I'm honestly looking at my post, thinking that it must have had nicer context, cause I really don't remember exactly my intent, but Jesus Christ that is one hell of a burn. I'm sorry you had to feel that but god damn I scorched myself with that one.

I swear to god I probably didn't quite mean that like it came out though. Maybe.
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Originally Posted by J.R.R. Tolkien
There is only one bright spot and that is the growing habit of disgruntled men of dynamiting factories and power-stations; I hope that, encouraged now as ‘patriotism’, may remain a habit! But it won’t do any good, if it is not universal.
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