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#242 (permalink) |
mayor of spookytown
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 812
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"Many places have a “forest that shouldn’t be entered.” Even people who are used to working in the mountains feel there is something there. They are suddenly overcome with fear and it becomes the custom to avoid certain places. These places exist. I don’t know what is there, but I think they are real. I’m not a believer in the occult, but the world is more than we can fathom with our five senses. This world doesn’t exist just for humans. So I think it’s all right to have such things. This is why I think it’s a mistake to think about nature from the idea of efficiency, that forests should be preserved because they are essential for human beings …
I am concerned, because for me the deep forest is connected in some way to the darkness deep in my heart. I feel that if it is erased, then the darkness inside my heart would also disappear, and my existence would grow shallow." Hayao Miyazaki, “Totoro Was Not Made as a Nostalgia Piece”, Starting Point: 1979-1996 "Grief turns out to be a place none of us know until we reach it. We anticipate (we know) that someone close to us could die, but we do not look beyond the few days or weeks that immediately follow such an imagined death. We misconstrue the nature of even those few days or weeks. We might expect if the death is sudden to feel shock. We do not expect this shock to be obliterative, dislocating to both body and mind. We might expect that we will be prostrate, inconsolable, crazy with loss. We do not expect to be literally crazy, cool customers who believe that their husband is about to return and need his shoes. In the version of grief we imagine, the model will be “healing.” A certain forward movement will prevail. The worst days will be the earliest days. We imagine that the moment to most severely test us will be the funeral, after which this hypothetical healing will take place. When we anticipate the funeral we wonder about failing to “get through it,” rise to the occasion, exhibit the “strength” that invariably gets mentioned as the correct response to death. We anticipate needing to steel ourselves for the moment: will I be able to greet people, will I be able to leave the scene, will I be able even to get dressed that day? We have no way of knowing that this will not be the issue. We have no way of knowing that the funeral itself will be anodyne, a kind of narcotic regression in which we are wrapped in the care of others and the gravity and meaning of the occasion. Nor can we know ahead of the fact (and here lies the heart of the difference between grief as we imagine it and grief as it is) the unending absence that follows, the void, the very opposite of meaning, the relentless succession of moments during which we will confront the experience of meaninglessness itself." Joan Didion, The Year of Magical Thinking |
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#243 (permalink) |
mayor of spookytown
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 812
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It is not a question of suppressing the spoken language, but of giving words approximately the importance they have in dreams.
— Antonin Artaud It’s a dangerous thing to say what a picture is. If things get too specific, the dream stops. There are things that happen sometimes that open a door that lets you soar out and feel a bigger thing. Like when the mind gets involved in a mystery. It’s a thrilling feeling. When you talk about things, unless you’re a poet, a big thing becomes smaller. — David Lynch There are words we say in the dark. There are words we speak in the light. And sometimes they’re the same words. — Li-Young Lee, from “The Undressing,” The American Poetry Review (vol. 47, no. 1, January/February 2018) There’s a sorrow that’s so old and silver it’s no longer sorry. There’s a place between desire and memory, some back porch we can neither wish for nor recall. —Don McKay, from “Song for the Song of the Wood Thrush,” Angular Unconformity: Collected Poems 1970-2014 |
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#245 (permalink) |
mayor of spookytown
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 812
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"You don’t know anyone at the party, so you don’t want to go. You don’t like cottage cheese, so you haven’t eaten it in years. This is your choice, of course, but don’t kid yourself: it’s also the flinch. Your personality is not set in stone. You may think a morning coffee is the most enjoyable thing in the world, but it’s really just a habit. Thirty days without it, and you would be fine. You think you have a soul mate, but in fact you could have had any number of spouses. You would have evolved differently, but been just as happy.
You can change what you want about yourself at any time. You see yourself as someone who can’t write or play an instrument, who gives in to temptation or makes bad decisions, but that’s really not you. It’s not ingrained. It’s not your personality. Your personality is something else, something deeper than just preferences, and these details on the surface, you can change anytime you like. If it is useful to do so, you must abandon your identity and start again. Sometimes, it’s the only way." — Julien Smith, The Flinch Spoiler for indulgent rambling:
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#246 (permalink) | ||
Zum Henker Defätist!!
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Beating GNR at DDR and keying Axl's new car
Posts: 48,199
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#247 (permalink) |
mayor of spookytown
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 812
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Well, yeah, that's probably true somewhat. (Which clearly means that I am a shining paragon of mental health in comparison!) My mother definitely has some sort of diagnosed mood disorder and she switches jobs (and boyfriends, and fad diets) every 6 weeks pretty much.
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#248 (permalink) | |
Zum Henker Defätist!!
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Beating GNR at DDR and keying Axl's new car
Posts: 48,199
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TBH if you can't develop an emotional connection with your current life that makes you reticent to change it then that might very well speak to your ability to create stable relationships in general.
Not that I'm casting stones, as my reticence is more fear based than connection based.
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#249 (permalink) | |
mayor of spookytown
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 812
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(I was going to say it often feels like I have that "impostor syndrome" thing-- but that only traditionally applies to successful people, which I am not. But there's the constant fear that if I aimed a bit higher in life, it would work out okay at first, but then soon enough everyone would suddenly realize that I am an inherently Bad and incompetent goblin that merely managed to temporarily fool everyone/weasel my way in and then they'd chase me out of town with pitchforks and I'd be left with nothing.) |
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#250 (permalink) | |
Zum Henker Defätist!!
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Beating GNR at DDR and keying Axl's new car
Posts: 48,199
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Props on being able to think that anyone would be able to even temporarily think you could be successful.
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