Oriphiel

You've probably played a game like this before, and the premise is very simple. One person starts a story, and every person after them adds to it. There isn't really a definite goal, or any guidelines, but you do get bonus points for taking the story as far away from the original subject matter as possible. Well, let's jump right in...

Chapter One

There once was a simple farmer who loved three things in life; family, hard work, and recreational drugs. And on a certain summer day, while he was taking a break from plowing his fields and swinging lazily in his hammock by the lake, a smoky joint in hand as he happily watched his family fishing for bass, he laid back in the total comfort that came from the realization that he had found a way to successfully merge all three of his interests. However, his peace of mind was tested when a limo suddenly cut across the perfect field of grass, kicking up dirt as it quickly turned to park next to him. The driver got out to open the passenger door, and a smarmy man in a fancy suit stepped out. "Damn," thought the farmer, "it's him again." The fancy man walked over to the farmer, looking around with disgust at the lush nature that surrounded him. "Damn nature, with it's dirt and it's trees," thought the smarmy man. "I swear, one of these days i'm gonna be riding in my combination monster truck-concrete mixer, wind blowing in my feathered hair as I violate that stuck up bitch Mother Nature, and i'm gonna look around to appreciate my work only to see that the whole world has finally been paved!" The smarmy man was momentarily lost in his dreams of an air-conditioned world, until a mosquito bit him and brought him back to reality. He slapped at it, and continued walking towards the farmer, saying "Hello. My name is Rich McAsshole, but I believe we've already met once before. As my agent tells me, you've refused my offer to buy your land?" The farmer snubbed his dooby out, and stretched as he thought of how to reply to the bothersome man who was currently trespassing on his property.

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Carpe Mortem

(This usually works better with shorter posts)

When suddenly a buxom woman walked by, all swank and sex appeal, on her way to the keebler elf hideout. They both dropped their jaws on purpose and exclaimed "OH BOY, its a PUSSY!" The woman turned...

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FRED HALE SR.

The Woman turned and noticed there was a cat on the ground just as she pulled a switchblade from her grannie panties. Rich Mc******* tried his famous i've lost my number line on the buxom beaut to no avail she had heard that line once before and said heres my number as she extended her middle finger.......

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" I slashed and burned thru my 15 minutes of fame."

Chula Vista

and rushed McA$$hole so quickly he failed to notice her arm arcing upwards. He did notice as soon as the blade of the knife went deep into his scrotum, expertly slicing both testicles in the process. The farmer, dumbfounded, and still quite baked, could only mutter, "cool".

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“The fact that we live at the bottom of a deep gravity well,
on the surface of a gas covered planet going around a nuclear fireball 90 million miles away
and think this to be normal is obviously some indication of how skewed our perspective tends to be.”

RoxyRollah

And the thread was end because we have this thread two other places.

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Carpe Mortem

But alas it was not, for from the keebler hideout came a long line of dismal elves carrying trays of dismal arrays of baked goods stale and frail and all the farmer could say was 'heh.... Baked goods' while McAssh0le...

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Neapolitan

During the fleeting moment of conscientiousness the patient gained some awareness of his surroundings. As his eyes rolled about the room he began to realized everything he thought happen was only a dream. He heard the anesthesiologist yell "Doctor Rich MacCasserole, the valve on the anesthesia tank is broken." The whole room was filled with nitrous oxide.

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Carpe Mortem

God Neap you're such a dick.

....screamed the magical fantasy wizard marching behind the elves, with a sassy flourish of his sparkly pink tree bark scarf. The elves stopped marching, looking confusedly at their leader. He commences to explain that...

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Oriphiel

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|---Mic's Albums---|
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|---Deafbox Industries---|
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Chula Vista

Whence within the realm outside of the tree, unbeknownst happenings will surely commence. Something wicked this way comes I fear. Retreat mine elves. Retreat or suffer the possible fate of...

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“The fact that we live at the bottom of a deep gravity well,
on the surface of a gas covered planet going around a nuclear fireball 90 million miles away
and think this to be normal is obviously some indication of how skewed our perspective tends to be.”