Heh, that just reminds me of the Muppet's Christmas Carol.

Pet Sounds is a young lad who aspires to unite the world via the power of keyboard and piano solos. Deciding to form a crime-fighting team of super heroes, he teams up with a ten foot tall android modeled after Billy Joel, the resurrected Wilson brothers who are on a quest to stop evil corporations from polluting the oceans, and Mr. T, reprising the role he had in the A-Team.

Completely and utterly terrifying.

Because the line "Oriphiel was dead to begin with"/"The Marleys were dead to begin with" from A Christmas Carol... Ah, nevermind. You're too young to get it.

I just dislike the Muppets and don't seek them out.

One day a trollwoman took a really big ****. Then she cast a spell on the **** and it started to take the shape of a young human child. That child grew up. But not too much, just barely enough to be regarded as generally distasteful. But not in a Charles Manson kinda way though so s'all good under the hood. So turdboy became turdman and now turdman is like on the computer or working at some dead end job or masturbating or some ****. Who cares.

Eh, that's not so bad. **** is the fertilizer of life, after all. Whether on the computer, or at a dead end job, or, uh... screwing in a lightbulb... it's all good, because i'm just happy to be here. After all, all of existence is just so much dust, so enjoy it before it blows away.

https://38.media.tumblr.com/47e8749a...wio8o1_500.gif

you are a terrible, terrible man who had a terrible childhood.

as for Oriphiel:

There once was a bird who got into a discarded bag of tacos. He then found a car that had just gone through the car wash - the mirrors were sparkling. He felt it was the perfect place to check his hair and tail feather. He had a seat on a narrow part of the car's door. That's when he felt a distinct rumbling in his birdy-stomach.

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2013/...26_964x627.jpg

A few minutes later, as he was still checking himself out, our hero appeared.

Oriphiel.

He fell in love with the bird, who soon began to call him Ori.

The bird taught him how to shit anywhere he wanted to and they lived happily ever after.

Every time the hair that clogs the shower drain finds it's mate a LiL is born.

Scrooge had often heard it said that DwnWthVwls had no vowels, but he had never believed it until now.

He was a pretty young woman with a pretty young woman's taste in music. Sadly, one day he discovered cocaine at the age of thirty, and couldn't deal with the fact that he'd squandered all those years that would have been acceptable for him to practice a drug habit. The next two years were a blur of twitching and self loathing, until the day that he was discovered with his head stuffed down a toilet.

I had no idea this was about me at first, then about halfway through the second sentence I grew suspicious.

Muppets are creepy as ****. They seem just real enough to feel like actual beings, but there is an unsettling, sinister quality to them, since you know they're not. And the Swedish Chef is just Satan. Never liked Sesame Street either. Or Fraggle Rock. Or Barney. **** Barney.