Hills is actually volcano. Volcano erupts, destroys Briks (sorry buddy) and everything nearby. Hardens over, becomes dormant. Claimed by me. Crops platned in what I assume is fertile ground?

WD is hungry by now and walks down the hill to get some food. I climb the hill and pronounce myself king.

You trip on the way up, and comically roll to the bottom. The hill is mine! But after a few moments of realizing that the hill is empty and boring, I shrug and roll down as well.

I climb to the top, leaving a trail of razor wire around the perimeter, with an impenetrable wall of lightning, and grizzly bears with laser shooting eyes surrounded by M16 wielding tornadoes to protect my KOTH status.

Bam!

You die because plankton don't survive out of the ocean. I think. I do a backflip over the razor wire, go safely through the wall of lightning because **** you, I'm Thor (I'm Norwegian, get it), then I have a laser rave with the bears and laugh because I know that tornadoes can't operate guns.

I fart upwind from you. You die. I am KOTH.

You commit suicide and don't leave a note so I can't tell you why. I'm king of the hill.