I'll take it unpolished, please.

What's your most useless skill?

"If it has to be explained, forget it." (quote from the 1960's TV series Laugh-In.)

If someone tells a joke and you don't find it funny, do you chuckle anyway, just to be polite, or do you be brutal and say it was lame?

Moot. I'd never put myself in a position with no outs.

I don't laugh and continue on the conversation.

What's your favorite commercial?

Berries and Cream! (Starburst commercial).

If you discovered you were allergic to your favorite food, how would you take it?

Binge eat one last time, get rushed to the hospital, never touch the sh!t again.

If you had to cut off three fingers, which ones would you choose?

Someone else's.

I you had/could be anyone on Earth's dog, whose would it be?

I wanna be Oprah Winfrey's dog. Apparently she set up a 30 million dollar trust fund for them. :crazy:

What was the first scary movie that frightened you?

Pet Semetary...

What is your favorite/habitual side activity to pass the time whilst you take a sh!t?

Use my knees as a drum set.

Do you periodically change your hairstyle or do you just stick with the same one?