I got my first dog that I remember Jazz on my second birthday. Had her until she was fourteen, she was a cool presence in my childhood and getting her was awesome.

Wow, I would have never seen this coming. You're so inventive with your humour, Batlord.

Most alcohol you've ever consumed at once (or in one evening of getting drunk or something along those lines)?

guess it would've been last new years. I had a 40 of olde english, 3 glasses of champagne, and a rum and coke. But I think the kicker was drinking 90% of that bottle of vodka to myself.

Worst injury?

I don't drink, so the most alcohol I've ever consumed at once was basically just a taste of whatever a friend/relative was drinking. I drank half of a small cup of home made eggnog a few weeks ago, so I guess that counts.

EDIT: Dammit Mondo, stealing my thunder. Worst injury I ever received was probably a nest of wasps stinging my legs as a small child when I decided to inadvertently sit on their nest, which was conveniently under the swing I had just gotten on. I've never had any broken bones or serious injuries before.

My question is... how the hell is this possible? Feel free, anyone, to answer as inventively and ridiculously as desired.

Broke my arm once and it took around 6 months to heal in a splint because I kept rebreaking it (I was also 9 years old).

EDIT: My answer still applies.

What computer/phone/telekinesis app are you using to post on MB right now?

My little brother's Galaxy S4 because I broke mine months ago and we don't have a computer.

Favorite day of the week?

Wednesday. New comic book day.

What was the first time you ever had an orgasm?

I hate doing that. After a certain point I'm just so horny that once I finally do the deed it lasts all of thirty seconds, and it's just this huge letdown that requires like three paper towels just to clean up. That and blue balls. I only ever had it the one time, but it was miserable.

Also, after the first hour or so, it just sort of becomes me feverishly going from video to video, unable to jack off just because I have to watch one more, and then one more after that, etc, etc, etc, until it's no longer even about masturbation. Porn addiction is real, guys.

If there's one thing that I've learned in all my years as a professionally amateur comedian, it's that the key is repetitive repetition. Also, your mustache is stupid.

I believe I had just turned 12 years old.

Weirdest place to masturbate?

I said what. Not when. Details... unless you're underage. Then I might be committing a crime.

Masturbating anywhere in public is pretty weird. Out in the open or up in the cuts... just... weird, dude. Naw with that, naw.

Did no one get the reference?

Frank. Frank Reynolds. Watch a horribly subversive cult comedy show ffs peeps.





Would you rather own a yacht or a helicopter?

I got the reference man, don't worry one bit.

Yacht, of course. All that illegal **** kinda makes pilots pissed off. Who gives a **** if you're driving a yacht, snorting coke, and ****ing Princess Diana?

A group you don't necessarily like that you would go see to play live because of a friend/family member/diplomat?