Music Banter - Stupid Is As Stupid Does

Oh my lord. The stupid things I see/hear on a daily basis are so frequent and numerous that I'm not sure I can sum it up in one post.

But I'll try.

Terminal Customer Idiocy (in verbal form):

[for those of you who don't know, I work in a thrift store that has shops in the US, Canada, and Australia - also we're better than Goodwill]

[Looking straight at me, while I'm working, wearing a badge, etc.] Customer: Do you work here?

Customer looking into jewelry case.
Me: What would you like to see today?
Customer: That one!
Me: Which one?
Customer: THAT ONE!
Me: Your perspective is a bit different. Could you describe it for me?
Customer: That one in the front.
Me: [Shot in the dark] The bracelet?
[B]Customer:[/B] Yes!
Me: Which one?
Customer: The 4.99 one!
[There's a lot of "4.99 ones"]
Me: The brown one?
Customer: The other one.
Me: [resists urge to slam my face into the glass repeatedly]

[At the register]
Me: Debit or credit?
Customer: Yes.

[Customer is standing right in front of restrooms]
Customer: Excuse me, miss!
Me: Yes?
Customer: Is there a restroom in here?
[This is often followed by an explanation of why this is such an urgent question - 100% of the time I don't care and I don't need to know.]

[On the telephone]
Me: Thank you for calling [location, store name] where your donation benefits [non profit organization], this is [me], how can I help you?
Customer: Do you have [oddly specific item]?
Me: I really couldn't tell you. There's new stuff coming out every day. Your best bet is to come by and visit us!
Customer: You'd think you'd know your own stock. Is there a manager I can talk to?
Me: Yes, of course! I'll put you on hold.
[Hangs up the phone]

Customer: I accidentally ripped this when I was trying this on.
Me:That's a shame.
Customer: Can I get a discount?
Me: .......

[Out-of-state shopper who qualifies for tax exemption]
Me: Your total today is $2.19.
Customer: I'm tax-exempt.
[There's a huge line of people and the paperwork takes an extra 5 minutes to complete]
Me: Your tax is only 19 cents today. Are you sure you'd like to fill all of this out?
Customer: [acts like I didn't say anything] I'M TAX-EXEMPT [throws drivers' license at me]

Terminal Customer Idiocy (in behavioral form):

Customers can't seem to figure out what hangers are used for, or how to use them. You may as well be asking a goddamn mountain lion to hang their unwanted clothes up.

I often find...

Shirts on pants hangers.
Pants on shirt hangers.
Hats/scarves on pants hangers.
Inside-out clothing on hangers (it's miraculous if they get the garment on the proper hanger, really)
Single garments on multiple hangers.
Hangers every-fucking-where

People have done the following questionable things in our fitting rooms:

Consumed/left behind beverages/food items, both in and out of containers
Mistaken the fitting rooms for restrooms or baby-changing/feeding stations
Shot up heroin/meth and smoked weed
Masturbated furiously

Perhaps later I'll write a chapter on the average customer's inability to control their spawn.