Granted, but you'll have to wear a fedora 24/7

I wish I had dark hair

Granted, but it falls out.

I wish I could go back in time and meet Marilyn Monroe.

Granted, but only if you have a threesome with her and a sumo wrestler.

I wish I could be happy every day instead of 1/7 days of the week without the assistance of alcohol.

Granted, but she has a very contagious skin disease

I wish horror films were all G-rated

EDIT: That was for Vanilla.

Granted, but you'll need strong antidepressants with a 1/5th chance of bursting your liver

You have a lovely meeting but now the space time continuum is screwed up and the present is overrun by giant spiders.

I wish i had the world's biggest record collection

Briks, granted but now snuff films are the norm because people hate G ratings

Granted, but it's made up entirely of Nickelback albums

I wish vegetables tasted like cake

Granted, but you gain diabetes.

I wish I had a 20 inch cock.

Briks, you clearly aren't eating vegetables prepared on the propers.

Veggies are delicious.

Zuchinni? More or less every kind of squash? Too many people slice that **** razor thin and sautee it until it becomes a watery wafer of disappointment. Cube it up into bite-sized pieces! Be surprised at the amazingness that is: the vegetable.


Anyways, wish granted but it's a terrible cake that you're allergic to.






I wish I was taller and not so emaciated-looking.

Granted, but you're so big that you never get laid again.

I wish i could travel the world

Granted. However, all your organs are outside of your body