MicShazam

It's dumb and I like it.


Here's another one with a bar theme:


A horse walks in to a bar and orders a draught beer.
The bartender thinks to himself that a horse probably doesn't know anything about beer, so he charges 30 dollars for one pint.

The horse starts drinking the beer.
After a few minutes, the bartender walks over and says "so... I don't see a lot of horses coming in here..."

The horse replies "No ****ing wonder when you charge 30 bucks for a pint of draught."

Trollheart

Via my sister:
Man goes to the doctor, tells him he thinks he's a jelly baby.
Doctor eats the head off him.

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Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018

MicShazam

That's grim.

MicShazam

A couple more really terrible ones before I go to bed:


What's the difference between a duck and a horse?
A horse can duck, but a duck can't horse.

What's the similarity between a kangaroo and a bottle of Pepsi?
Neither of them collect stamps.

The Batlord

A mushroom walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve your kind here." The mushroom responds, "Why not? I'm a fungi."

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rostasi

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses.
He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed.
The other whips out his phone and calls the emergency services.

"My friend's dead!! What can I do?"

The operator says, "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."

There's silence, then a shot is heard.
Back on the phone, the guy says, "OK, now what?"

Trollheart

****ing brilliant!

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Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018

rostasi

A man walks into his bedroom with a duck under his arm.
His wife looks at him surprised.

Man: "This is the pig I've been fucking."

Wife: "That's not a pig, it's a duck."

Man: "I wasn't talking to you."

The Batlord

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grindy

As a grammar Nazi I'm offended by this.

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A smell of petroleum prevails throughout.