Astronomer

While this is true (I agree with your completely about the stupidity of their comments, poor spelling, and just downright ignorance) it's sad that when this incident happened these kinds of comments floating around were not as uncommon as you'd hope

Anyway, I totally get what you mean about people taking others' comments the wrong way and assuming them to be victim-blaming when they aren't really... people can be very defensive.

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Newkie

Fluffy, agree with that and several of your other points esp about jumping on the "no blame" bandwagon. I got into a long discussion with a female friend of mine over the whole "dangerous areas" thing. These things shouldn't happen, but they do, it's a fact of life. An example I gave was when I was out in Kenya at 16 with other school/college kids, we were told not to go onto the beach at night because in all likelihood we would be raped and/or mugged with the possibility of death. Needless to say nobody did. Now if people had gone before being warned when they were ignorant of such danger, there could be no "blame" attached. After said conversation, if someone had gone out onto the beach and been raped it would have still been a horrific crime, but I could our guide saying simply said "I told you so". Brutal, but this is their world. Whilst I wouldn't blame any victim-in some circumstances (and I stress some) the risk can be lessened.

Although I'm not quite sure victim blaming is entirely an internet sensation? I come across similar comments a fair amount, in social groups or places. Some people could well be "trolling" in real life, some definitely aren't. Nobody comes out on national television and says the same thing they would behind a keyboard, or over a quiet pint, but they still believe it.

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djchameleon

See that's the thing, yes there may be some trolls but there are legitimately people in the real world that thinks that way. To just completely brush it off and say "oh it's just an internet thing" isn't exactly realistic.

Edit: Ooops I didn't see that Newkie beat me to saying pretty much the same thing in more detail.

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Fame, fortune, power, titties. People say these are the most crucial things in life, but you can have a pocket full o' gold and it doesn't mean sh*t if you don't have someone to share that gold with. Seems simple. Yet it's an important lesson to learn. Even lone wolves run in packs sometimes.

Cuthbert

I can only go by what I've seen and heard myself, I find most people are decent enough to not think that. I've no doubt some people do think like this but it's the reasoning of a thick cunt who doesn't deserve to be taken seriously and isn't worth getting wound up over. You definitely encounter it way more on the internet, ofc people are more reserved in real life but I reckon most people would have no problem saying it's the victim's fault if they really thought it. Look at groups like the EDL, they've no problem expressing their racism and xenophobia. Thick cunts are everywhere.

Also there was that fuss over the policeman saying dress code can encourage rape or whatever it was so people do say it in real life.

And you've only got to look at the witch hunts in the UK with people like Savile or when something like noncing is mentioned to see that paedophiles, rapists and general sexual deviants generate a lot of hate among society. They're hated, the vast majority of people side with the victims. Because of this I think it's a non-issue and mostly just internet wummery.

The accused should be given the same rights to anonymity as the victim until they're proven guilty.

People who make false claims should be sentenced to at least the minimum sentence that someone found guilty of rape would get.

misspoptart

I was raped a few years ago, but I've never told a soul nor been really angry at the dude, because I honestly feel like it was my fault.

We were both drunk and I was young; I was making out with him at the bar and in the street, we were fooling around in the taxi, I ditched all my friends and the person who was hosting me to go stay at this guy's hostel. He paid for all my drinks and the taxi and I was feeling great.

By the time we got into the bed, though, I was sobering up, and he wasn't. I offered a bj and he accepted, I hoped it would be enough to cool him off and possibly lead to a passing out situation. I tried to see past the sex-hungry drunkard because we had met earlier in the day and he was telling me a slew of things about his ex-girlfriend, their bad breakup, his recovery process, etc.

It wasn't until he refused to use a condom that I was like "no, I don't want this anymore." And he was like, "oh, come on...just a little!" and I was like, "no, seriously." But he did it anyway. I just sort of sighed and let it go, because I understood in that moment that I let things get out of hand, and I shouldn't have gone home with him.

To this day, I still believe he is a nice guy (now married with a kid) and was just a bit too drunk to realize there was no consent. I forgave him, and I actually feel bad that I put us in that situation but being a young, drunk, slutty girl. I wouldn't blame him, in this situation.

Cuthbert

But if you said no, then he just carried on anyway, surely he knows that you didn't consent?

I've been in v. similar situations myself, pissed as a fart and trying to fuck a girl and as soon as they've said no, I stopped.

Sounds like a prick who couldn't take no for an answer tbh.

misspoptart

I felt bad for him, even if he is a prick. I understand pricks. I can be a prick, too, sometimes.

djchameleon

Not everyone handles their alcohol the same way. I've been able to stop myself as well but others don't when they are wasted like that and in the heat of the moment.

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Fame, fortune, power, titties. People say these are the most crucial things in life, but you can have a pocket full o' gold and it doesn't mean sh*t if you don't have someone to share that gold with. Seems simple. Yet it's an important lesson to learn. Even lone wolves run in packs sometimes.

misspoptart

I totally agree. I also think I wasn't really being assertive enough. I wasn't sure what would happen if I started kicking and screaming, because he was a total stranger. I thought it better just to let it go, you know? But looking back on it, I should have just been like "NO!!!" and pushed him off of me. This is why I feel a bit guilty.

Newkie

Yeah , I'm not going to argue with most of that and I find I do or have come into contact with people with these views more than most, for whatever reason. My main point was that it exists and that people often hide from saying what they truly believe.Even the EDL you mention do, they try to qualify their racism to give it some sense of moral righteousness and try and give it some shred of mainstream acceptance. My sister in law posts ****e about the EDL on facebook or brings it up, she will talk for hours about militant islam but on the other hand talk about how good Sikhs are for the UK. In reality I know she views most ethnicities, even other white Europeans as lesser beings but naturally that never enters the public domain. Anyway, agree that most of them online are WUMs that shouldn't be taken too seriously.

Also agree with your false rape claim, completely disgusting and those found guilty of complete falsehoods should be punished. You been following the Remy case much? Be interesting if that's another Ched Evans saga..

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