CrazyVegn

I think the ppl who voted Yes are...

Slow Groove (as a joke)
Dr Rez (as a joke)
216 (for real)
?
?

misspoptart

I'm one of them, and I already explained why. I don't want to be a question mark.

Cuthbert

Typed a long post, cba.

EDIT - The drinking thing is b/s too (not you). How do you know if someone is drunk?

Guybrush

Well, I still disagree with you. If you say no, then it's no. Him being drunk does not give him the rights to do what he wants to your body. If you hit someone while drunk driving, you may have done something you wouldn't do while sober, but it's not like it's gonna get you any slack! We hold people accountable, even if they're drunk.

But, considering the situation, I would understand it if you didn't feel like ruining his life over it by reporting it to the police.

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misspoptart

I also feel like it was my fault. I shouldn't have put either of us in that situation by going home with a drunk guy in the first place. I'm know he feels bad about it anyway, and I feel bad that he feels bad about it.

Guilt is what I feel; it's a simple as that. I'm sure there are other women who could identify with me on this.

Guybrush

When I phrased the question for the thread, what I wanted to ask was really whether or not we can hold rape victims accountable for the crime done against them. The psychology of guilt for the victim didn't really enter into it, but it's an interesting aspect or point of view and one I haven't really got much experience with or considered at all, but I am aware that guilt is a common feeling for rape victims. I imagine many things will factor into it.

You probably feel that you put yourself in that situation and perhaps you feel you could've done more to prevent it. Maybe you feel guilty for not doing much about it. But what I see is simply someone committing a crime against you. It doesn't matter if you made it simple for him to commit that crime. Committing the crime is illegal and we all have a personal responsibility not to commit crimes. You can tempt someone all you like, dress however you like, be as drunk as you like. He still has to take personal responsibility for the crimes he commits. So don't carry other peoples responsibility for them - especially not when they've victimized you! You should not feel guilty.


By the way, Self-blame (being common in victims) is a topic on Wikipedia's article on Effects and aftermath of rape. You should read it!

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misspoptart

Thanks for all the advice and support on the matter tore, but regardless of the law, I feel more bad for that guy than I could ever feel for me. I don't feel "victimized." I feel accountable for my actions and I'm taking responsibility for a situation in which I was clearly more coherent.

Sorry for not speaking directly to your question.

Paedantic Basterd

You've touched on something here that I'd tried to speak about earlier in the thread: If a drunken woman says "yes", the fact that she's drunk may invalidate her consent, however, a drunken man is guilty regardless.

Clearly this is not an equal standard, and I am interested in hearing how we justify it.

EDIT: I apologise if I seem insensitive to your posts, Misspoptart. That's not my intent. If you'd rather I not start this discussion, I'll gladly and respectfully remove my post. Or alternatively, someone has permission to remove it for me if I have gone to work.

Newkie

Yup, definitely interested in that topic, if people are ok with that line of discussion anyway.

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Justthefacts

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