The Definition of a Poseur
Well, since I've been throwing around the word "poseur" a lot the past few days, I figured that it made sense to properly define just what I mean. The normal definition of a poseur is "someone who pretends a greater affinity for something than they actually have in order to gain respect from a certain segment of society." If you don't agree with this definition, then you are welcome to find a dictionary and hit yourself in the genitals with it. I do not like this definition myself however, since it is prone to differing opinions and misinterpretation. I prefer my own, which is that a poseur is anyone whose musical taste does not coincide with my own. This may seem arrogant, but my own status as a True Metalhead is beyond dispute, so I believe that I am qualified to pronounce judgement on the Nonbelievers. Of course, because of the perfection of my musical taste, no one but I can possibly live up to my own high standards, but I am merciful, and am willing to grant clemency to those whose devotion to True Metal is honest, if flawed.
Of course, not all poseurs are equal. I divide poseurs into three categories: heathens, infidels, and heretics. Heathens, like Burning Down, are but ignorant fools who are not aware of their transgressions and are unknowing of the gloriousness of the True Faith. They may be forgiven for their sins, but only to an extent. Once they have been made aware of the truth, they must repent or be declared infidels, those who openly oppose the cause of True Metal. These souls are truly lost, but the most vile of all poseurs is the heretic; those who feign allegiance to True Metal, but are in fact purveyors of False Metal. These loathsome creatures are the lowest form of scum on this Earth. In this day and age, these vermin take the form of emo metalheads, who listen to such blasphemy as Trivium, Bring Me the Horizon, and Suicide Silence. Truly nauseating. Now, there is a new sub-species of heretical poseur that is in some ways even more subversive than emo metalheads. I speak of course, of hipster metalheads. They can actually impersonate True Metalheads by listening to sub-genres of metal that can at times be considered True Metal, such as post metal and post black metal, but do not be fooled. These sickening, subhuman insects are parasites, draining the lifeblood of True Metal and leading unsuspecting heathens to commit terrible sins.
Now that we have properly defined what constitutes a poseur, you are all now officially on notice and will be expected to abide by my edicts. If the tone of this post is rather different from other posts, it is only because of the seriousness of the subject matter. Ribaldry and jokes are all well and good to take one's mind off of the war between the forces of good and evil, but at times, we must leave behind revelry and show our enemies the steel that lies in our eyes, in our fists, and in our hearts. Glory to the brave.
