I'm going to train up some rabid ferrets, they're going to crawl inside you and fight to the death before the victor eats his way out.

http://polloplayer.files.wordpress.c.../01/ferret.jpg

Being the simple man that I am, I'll simply lock in you a dark room and let you die of whatever happens to kill you.

Being a practical man, I am going to chop off your head and use it as a doorstop.

Being a hungry man, I'm going to chop you up and saute you in worcestershire sauce and make a gigantic dish of fried rice.

Hit you on the back of the head till you get brain damage, then just wait it out watching re-runs of The Wire.

i just google you to death, using your real name

Truly, you wouldn't be able to overpower me with a frontal assault so the sneaky method is your only hope.
Conversely I'd walk up to you in broad daylight, introduce myself and proceed to tie a rope around one of your ankles. I'd then tie the other end of the rope to the back fender of whatever motor vehicle I've got and then we take a drive.

I'd trick you into thinking that someone in the US who has no sense of dignity or decency wants to **** you, buy you a plane ticket and introduce you to someone else who I want dead. While you two are going at it, I'd step in and kill them and mutilate their body, and contact the authorities while you're still copulating with the corpse without having even noticed what has happened to it. They'd find you ecstatically enjoying this and then I just let the legal system have at you. I'd probably choose a state where you'll be executed in an electric chair.

i'll set your engine on fire

and jam the doors of your car shut

and wait with a baseball bat in case you break the windows or windshield

Certainly I'll kill you with whatever I used to break my windshield and escape my burning vehicle before you have a chance to kill me with a baseball bat.

i have a standby fire engine to run you over with