But it goes too fast. There's absolutely zero sense of drama. Boring and lame.

I blow up both of your heads for arguing about GIFs instead of killing people!

i smother you with flowers

cos love is a battlefield

I kill you softly, with my song.

I kill you softly, with a pillow over your face. DIE, OLD MAN!!!! The inheritance will be mine!!!! MINE!!!!!!

I take my dentures out and cram em down your throat.

I make you listen to this.

I train rabid bats to attack you so that you die of irony.

What are you all, vampires? Most of you have been killed so often, but you all keep coming back to life! DIE DAMN YOU ALL, DIE!!!!!!!!!!

I use my planet-buster bomb to kill you all, including myself.

On reflection, not one of my better ideas...

I will smash your face through a car windshield, and then take your mother, Dorthy Mantooth, out for a nice seafood dinner and NEVER call her again!

I'm going to train up some rabid ferrets, they're going to crawl inside you and fight to the death before the victor eats his way out.

http://polloplayer.files.wordpress.c.../01/ferret.jpg

Being the simple man that I am, I'll simply lock in you a dark room and let you die of whatever happens to kill you.

Being a practical man, I am going to chop off your head and use it as a doorstop.

Being a hungry man, I'm going to chop you up and saute you in worcestershire sauce and make a gigantic dish of fried rice.

Hit you on the back of the head till you get brain damage, then just wait it out watching re-runs of The Wire.

i just google you to death, using your real name

Truly, you wouldn't be able to overpower me with a frontal assault so the sneaky method is your only hope.
Conversely I'd walk up to you in broad daylight, introduce myself and proceed to tie a rope around one of your ankles. I'd then tie the other end of the rope to the back fender of whatever motor vehicle I've got and then we take a drive.

I'd trick you into thinking that someone in the US who has no sense of dignity or decency wants to **** you, buy you a plane ticket and introduce you to someone else who I want dead. While you two are going at it, I'd step in and kill them and mutilate their body, and contact the authorities while you're still copulating with the corpse without having even noticed what has happened to it. They'd find you ecstatically enjoying this and then I just let the legal system have at you. I'd probably choose a state where you'll be executed in an electric chair.

i'll set your engine on fire

and jam the doors of your car shut

and wait with a baseball bat in case you break the windows or windshield

Certainly I'll kill you with whatever I used to break my windshield and escape my burning vehicle before you have a chance to kill me with a baseball bat.

i have a standby fire engine to run you over with

I don't know how it is in Malaysia but US fire departments don't lend out their vehicles to alleged necrophiliac rapists.

You could of course just be dereailed.
Or indeed, decommissioned and then left in a shed to die of old age, loneliness and neglect (hold on, we're not talking about me here...) :D

Or, better yet (as he wakes up) I'll set loose a ravenous crowd of trainspotters on you, who'll tear you apart for souvenirs!!

Ha! If I was actually a train, I'm sure the trainspotters will do me in as soon as I'm defenseless. Since I'm a human, I'm quite certain I'll die neglected and alone like most everyone else. May as well let the Malaysian freak beat me to death already.

you're just gonna die of old age eventually

I kill you with old age.

I'm quite patient.

I tell Mike Tyson that you made fun of the way he talks.

since your nick is a misreading of Bathory,

i quantum teleport you into the body of Elizabeth Bathory just before her execution

She was never executed.

Urge to kill falling, falling, falllllllling....
https://encrypted-tbn1.google.com/im...E1M1ipx7NI3iiw

I stick you with the Simpsons and let you freeze to death.

... urge to kill rising, rising, RISING....!
https://encrypted-tbn0.google.com/im...wHdiq3o_X7xRiU
https://encrypted-tbn0.google.com/im...pMutjaBcNnpA8w

I strap on the loin cloth and leather bondage gear and cut off your head Manowar style.

http://cdn.doseofmetal.com/wp-conten...2/manowar1.jpg

Aw yeah, homoeroticism has never been so badass.

ya know what, i'll kill you all by bringing this fella back:-

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_WnEI9VUg2S...o/s400/the.jpg

kill you all with his idiocy

Give you a bj until you die.

Congrats on choosing possibly the worst person on the forum to say that to.

Trust me, he won't die from that. If anything, he might just pass out from all the sexual attention you're giving.

impossible

you can't imagine how much i have inside of me

*dies from imagining how much Howard has inside of him*

I would kill you, but you've already died.