Weirdest Thing You've Ever Wiped Your Butt With

Bloozcrooz · 04-04-2011, 11:52 PM

So how many times do you go to wipe your butt and theres no toilett paper? Whether it be at home,work, out to dinner etc. What did you do?..and what did you wipe with?

CanwllCorfe · 04-05-2011, 12:05 AM

I think for me it'd be leaves. I used to work for my dad's business as a masonry laborer, and for whatever reason they would only put porta-potties on the job site once the carpenters came in. So we either had to bring toilet paper, or use whatever we could find. I know my uncle Steve had to use cement and lime bags before. Yeah, they're not made for comfort.

crash_override · 04-05-2011, 12:09 AM

I guess I better post this before it gets locked.

Back when I worked as a carpet cleaning technician for a large franchise based company that happens to drive around in big yellow vans, I used to go into a lot of empty houses and apartments. Needless to say, there were several times that I needed to be "resourceful".

I, for one have used old shop towels, torn up t-shirts, hell I even ditched my boxers once and tore it up into ass paper and went commando the rest of the day.

Bloozcrooz · 04-05-2011, 12:09 AM

Fine ill start it off...

This isnt really a weird thing to wipe with so much as the situation overall was just drunken idiocracy. So we stopped on a bridge in the middle of nowhere a few budddys and me. Proceeded to indulge in some alcoholic beverage drinking when out of nowhere a sharp doo doo pain hits me. Now the closest store is out of the question and anywhere secluded was as well. So...without shame (and fear of ****ting myself) I proceeded to crap right there on the bridge in front of everyone. Wiped with my under shirt while everyone laughed or barffed..depending on sense of humor. Then found a stick and prodded the poo till it stuck to the end of it and posed for pictures on everyones cell phones. Sent them to friends and fam as if i were standing by a 12 point buck. They thought it was even more funny that i was smiling while posing with the poo. Poo in one hand..beer in the other.

**Janszoon** · 04-05-2011, 12:09 AM

Mb

Howard the Duck · 04-05-2011, 12:13 AM

same as crash override - was having diarrhoea during a long bus trip to a jetty to a resort island and was stranded on some remote pitstop

no water or paper in the WC, i just used my undies and threw it away

a coupla times before that, I used my handkerchief - of course, I threw it away - not gonna be using that for food stains or sweat anymore, nosirree

ThePhanastasio · 04-05-2011, 12:15 AM

Depressingly enough, one of my weirdest may have been in my own bathroom. I had a stomach virus, which I'm sure you all know means that urgency in getting to the bathroom overrides the natural instinct to check for TP before rushing onto the toilet and emptying your bowels post-haste.

I didn't check, and when I was finished, all I had was my bathroom reading at the time - The Complete Works Of William Shakespeare.

The title page was too rough, so I wiped with a few pages from the index.

It had to be done.

crash_override · 04-05-2011, 12:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ThePhanastasio

Depressingly enough, one of my weirdest may have been in my own bathroom. I had a stomach virus, which I'm sure you all know means that urgency in getting to the bathroom overrides the natural instinct to check for TP before rushing onto the toilet and emptying your bowels post haste.

I didn't check, and when I was finished, all I had was my bathroom reading at the time - The Complete Works Of William Shakespeare.

The title page was too rough, so I wiped with a few pages from the index.

It had to be done.

Oh, this post reminds me. Once I had to use a few pages of a phone book. If you crumple it and un-crumple them enough times, it actually isn't too harsh. I don't know how I forgot that one before, but it's pretty funny thinking back.

Eventually we did start carrying toilet paper on the job, but it took a while to realize we were all getting stiffed when it came time to poo.

~~Sansa Stark~~ · 04-05-2011, 12:20 AM

Just a magazine page

But I sat there crumpling this page up and uncrumpling it for ages, it does eventually get soft. Otherwise it'd hurt mah butt

Bloozcrooz · 04-05-2011, 12:26 AM

Lol...some pretty good stories already. Im sure everone has more than one occasion this has happened. I can recall many situations of being in a jam and having to become Mcgyver with some sort of material. Ive used the bathroom rug before.

Ive also had the epic shart occur on the interstate while driving. Even worse in Louisianna where theres nowhere to stop for miles or any stores. Nothing in the truck and pressed for time already. Just had to endure the feelin of poopy pants and truck on. Eventually I was able to stop and tend to the problem but a good 20 mins went by I know..or it felt that way at least.

04-05-2011, 12:05 AM	#2 (permalink)
CanwllCorfe Quiet Man in the Corner Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Pocono Mountains Posts: 2,480	I think for me it'd be leaves. I used to work for my dad's business as a masonry laborer, and for whatever reason they would only put porta-potties on the job site once the carpenters came in. So we either had to bring toilet paper, or use whatever we could find. I know my uncle Steve had to use cement and lime bags before. Yeah, they're not made for comfort. __________________ Your eyes were never yet let in to see the majesty and riches of the mind, but dwell in darkness; for your God is blind.

04-05-2011, 12:09 AM	#5 (permalink)
Janszoon Mate, Spawn & Die Join Date: May 2007 Location: The Rapping Community Posts: 24,593	Mb __________________ A Night in the Life of the Invisible Man Time & Place 25 Albums You Should Hear Before the Moon Crashes into the Earth and We All Die last.fm

04-05-2011, 12:15 AM	#7 (permalink)
ThePhanastasio Killed Laura Palmer Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: Ashland, KY Posts: 1,679	Depressingly enough, one of my weirdest may have been in my own bathroom. I had a stomach virus, which I'm sure you all know means that urgency in getting to the bathroom overrides the natural instinct to check for TP before rushing onto the toilet and emptying your bowels post-haste. I didn't check, and when I was finished, all I had was my bathroom reading at the time - The Complete Works Of William Shakespeare. The title page was too rough, so I wiped with a few pages from the index. It had to be done. __________________ Phish: Studio Discography Reviewed 100 Albums I Heartily Recommend My last.fm It's a hand-me-down, the thoughts are broken Perhaps they're better left unsung

04-05-2011, 12:13 AM	#6 (permalink)
Howard the Duck Live by the Sword Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia Posts: 9,075	same as crash override - was having diarrhoea during a long bus trip to a jetty to a resort island and was stranded on some remote pitstop no water or paper in the WC, i just used my undies and threw it away a coupla times before that, I used my handkerchief - of course, I threw it away - not gonna be using that for food stains or sweat anymore, nosirree

04-05-2011, 12:20 AM	#9 (permalink)
~~Sansa Stark~~ Account Disabled Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: The Eyrie, Vale of Arryn, Westeros Posts: 3,234	Just a magazine page But I sat there crumpling this page up and uncrumpling it for ages, it does eventually get soft. Otherwise it'd hurt mah butt