I'm going to put a bunch of Queen albums in my bathroom, give me a better chance of having a good shit.

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-a-YaFEbhcH...ell%2BMael.JPG

Wonder what he uses.

He doesn't even use two-ply, he uses the stuff your fingers go right through.

Picking your nose is one thing, but when you forget to wipe first...

Well, that explains his moustache.

http://scrapetv.com/News/News%20Page...olf-hitler.jpg

I reckon he uses that sandpaper like crap you get in public toilets and in workplaces that tight fisted bosses buy.

It would explain the invasion of Poland.

Haha, our dog ate **** the other day and licked my mom's face.
She got away just in time :D

I once used single ply toilet roll, that was a horrid experience although it will clearly establish my rock and roll credentials, so its not all bad.

I want to know how the conversation turned from general wiping to Freddie Mercury and now to Hitler. MB is weird.

Anyways, I think I actually used a paper lunch bag at school once.

No funny stories I can think of. Like many others I have used socks, magazines, the cardboard from the toilet paper roll, leaves, etc. My old room mate was a big fat crazy motherfucker who tormented the hell out of our other room mate who we didn't like. And it wasn't directly after a dump, but on multiple occasions I heard him exclaim "I DO NOT have the cleanest butthole right now." or another common phrase of his "I have the worlds most sweatiest, swampiest ass right now." Then he would wipe it with our other room mates face towel in his bathroom. I also saw him wipe his ass all over his door handle and his toothbrush (and his visiting girlfriends). It was hilarious at the time. I was also always really, really stoned.

I once used my own underpants. And flushed them.
I was 15 or so. It was at school, I had diarrhoea and the teacher refused to let me go.
After a while I just ran out, got to the toilet, no paper, **** that. Used my underpants, figured what I'd do with them, decided to flush them just to punish the school for hiring that **** of a teacher. Hell yeah.

I also once peed in my mom's shoes. I was... less than two years old I guess. We were out walking in a forest and I had to pee. My mom had to aim for me back then and she didn't know the golden (...) rule; Do NOT piss against the wind. So that's what she did and hit her own shoes. She didn't notice at first so they were thouroughly soaked :D