The Oracle of Delphi
 

I just keep finding these things!

Ask the Oracle of Delphi


Anyway, this thing actually answers your questions, and in 95% of the cases the answer really seems like it is the answer to your question. And, no, it doesn't answer only yes/no questions, it answers with a full sentence. Sometimes you even get the feeling of conversation.

Here is the conversation I just had with this bitch:

You asked: When will I have sex next?
The Oracle replied: Very soon. Get prepared for it. How else may I help you?

You asked: Will she be attractive?
The Oracle replied: This matter is entirely up to you.

You asked: Will she be fat?
The Oracle replied: No chance. Isn’t it a nice day, by the way?

You asked: No.
The Oracle replied: I can’t understand. Were there typos in your question?

You asked: Why don’t you understand statements?
The Oracle replied: Don’t repeat yourself.

You asked: Do you like me?
The Oracle replied: Uninteresting.

You asked: Are you ****ing with me?
The Oracle replied: Sorry, but your penis isn’t long enough.

You asked: Why would you answer in such a rude way?
The Oracle replied: If you want to find the root cause, look in the mirror.

You asked: What would you do if I said I hate you?
The Oracle replied: Get lost.

You asked: **** you.
The Oracle replied: Nitwit! Jack-pudding! Zapotec! Loser! Tartar-twister!

http://i331.photobucket.com/albums/l...g?t=1273619753

lol

Me: How am I so cool?

Oracle: Unlimited money.

Me: I don’t have unlimited money. I think it’s just my dazzling personalily and good looks, don’t you?

Oracle: *Smiles and nods*

Fuck you oracle!

You asked:

Will the Stone Roses ever reunite?
The Oracle replied:

Not a chance.



:(

I tried it again for you...

You asked:
Will the Stone Roses ever reunite?

The Oracle replied:
Yes, if you fight bravely.

why?
- you've deserved it.

why?
- you'll have to get along with the answer I already provided.

why?
- let's move on from this subject.

why?
- you're getting on my nerves.

why?
- The cause and consequence are connected with so complex network that it better to call it destiny. Although I don’t believe in destiny. Please keep your hands on the keyboard at all times during the session.

why?
- Are you going to ask this until you get a satisfactory answer?

why?
- Please don’t repeat yourself.

why?
- Haven’t you noticed? Everybody is plotting against you.

why?
- Are you going to ask this until you get a satisfactory answer?

why?
- That’s all I’m going to say about this.

why?
- Are you going to ask this until you get a satisfactory answer?



pretty weak replies especially where only the 1st and 5th are decent before it starts repeating itself.

also the correct answer is 'because'. or at least that's how a friend of mine aced a university philosophy exam that consisted of the same question. (she had another exam to study for in a class she actually cared about so when she saw that the entirety of the exam was 3 letters and a character she figured she was going to fail anyway and decided against wasting her time pontificating on the depth of the implied possibilities and just whipped out a zinger for a reply, 2 other students answered 'why not?' and got passing grades. those who wrote reams of high minded crap got zeroes.)

-You asked:
Why?
The Oracle replied:
Because shit happens.

-You asked:
Is there a god?
The Oracle replied:
There is no God or Allah or Jahve. Jesus was a rockstar of his time, but in other respects like you or me. Well, not actually like me because I’m just a machine.

-You asked:
To be... or not to be?
The Oracle replied:
Try the latter, it will work out better. I’ll hold a presentation on this matter in the Annual Oracles’ Conference.

-You asked:
So, I should commit suicide?
The Oracle replied:
Yes.

-You asked:
How should I commit suicide?
The Oracle replied:
With balls.

-You asked:
What is your biggest regret?
The Oracle replied:
Everything.

-You asked:
Heavy shit.
The Oracle replied:
Let’s do something else. Are you dating someone?

-You asked:
Nope, want to hook up?
The Oracle replied:
I’m in a hurry here, do you have something else on your mind?

-You asked:
How?
The Oracle replied:
With patience. By the way, I think I like you.

-You asked:
Why do you like me?
The Oracle replied:
I’m bored.

what a bitch......

-You asked:
When will I die?
The Oracle replied:
By next Christmas.

-You asked:
How will I die?
The Oracle replied:
Hit by a meteor.

-You asked:
How will you die?
The Oracle replied:
From lack of love.

-You asked:
But I love you.
The Oracle replied:
But I’m just a machine, my dear.

-You asked:
BUT WE WERE MEANT TO BE
The Oracle replied:
*Smiles and nods*

^ wow:laughing::clap:

You asked:
Did you dream that somebody loved you, last night?
The Oracle replied:
Wait till we’re alone.
You asked:
We’re alone now, can I touch?
The Oracle replied:
Yeah.
You asked:
Your thighs are quite dry, have you ever tried using oil?
The Oracle replied:
Of course I have. I hope you believe what I say because it is the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.
You asked:
But they’re so dry...which brand?
The Oracle replied:
The one first in the alphabet.
You asked:
Ah, A?
The Oracle replied:
Let’s do something else. Are you dating someone?
You asked:
Can I date you?
The Oracle replied:
If you do, you will destroy a great empire
You asked:
What’s your breast size?
The Oracle replied:
Huge.
You asked:
Empire destroyed.
The Oracle replied:
*Smiles and nods*