CAPTAIN CAVEMAN

-You asked:
Why?
The Oracle replied:
Because shit happens.

-You asked:
Is there a god?
The Oracle replied:
There is no God or Allah or Jahve. Jesus was a rockstar of his time, but in other respects like you or me. Well, not actually like me because I’m just a machine.

-You asked:
To be... or not to be?
The Oracle replied:
Try the latter, it will work out better. I’ll hold a presentation on this matter in the Annual Oracles’ Conference.

-You asked:
So, I should commit suicide?
The Oracle replied:
Yes.

-You asked:
How should I commit suicide?
The Oracle replied:
With balls.

-You asked:
What is your biggest regret?
The Oracle replied:
Everything.

-You asked:
Heavy shit.
The Oracle replied:
Let’s do something else. Are you dating someone?

-You asked:
Nope, want to hook up?
The Oracle replied:
I’m in a hurry here, do you have something else on your mind?

-You asked:
How?
The Oracle replied:
With patience. By the way, I think I like you.

-You asked:
Why do you like me?
The Oracle replied:
I’m bored.

what a bitch......

-You asked:
When will I die?
The Oracle replied:
By next Christmas.

-You asked:
How will I die?
The Oracle replied:
Hit by a meteor.

-You asked:
How will you die?
The Oracle replied:
From lack of love.

-You asked:
But I love you.
The Oracle replied:
But I’m just a machine, my dear.

-You asked:
BUT WE WERE MEANT TO BE
The Oracle replied:
*Smiles and nods*