The Official Joke Thread

[Neapolitan]

What happens when two snails fight?
They slug it out.

Which fight move works best against a pig?
A pork chop.

Why do bears lie in caves?
Because if they did it on the witness stand it would be perjury.

What do you call a fish without an eye?
fsh [pronounced fffffshsh]


you: Have you heard the one about the Panda and the Marmaldon?
an unsuspected friend: No!
you: One day a panda is climbing around in a tree eating and a Marmaldon comes up behind him and says "Hey Panda! You're up in a tree!" Then the Panda turns around looking surprised and says "What the hell is a Marmaldon!?"


A grasshopper walks into a bar and sits down, the bartender turns around and stares at the grasshopper and says "I have a drink named after you!" The Grasshopper replies "Oh really, you have a drink named Steve?"


There were two muffins in an oven. The first muffin said "Gee it's getting hot in here!" the second muffin said "Gee I'm a talkin muffin."


George Bush is being briefed on the war in Iraq. One of his aides informs him that four Brazilian soldiers were killed in a suicide attack. "That's terrible!" says the president, "How many is in a brazillian?"