The Official Joke Thread

[Zer0]

A man dies and goes to hell. He's wandering around in hell panicing and shouting "oh my god i'm in hell, how am i going to get out of here??!! After wandering around for a while he finally meets satan. Satan asks him "are you ok?". The man replies "oh god how on earth did i end up here, i shouldn't be here". Satan replies "ok ok calm down take it easy, here have a beer". Satan hands the man a beer and the man says "hey thanks".
Satan then tells him "every Monday you can have all the drink you want, we have every drink you can imagine and the rivers here flow beer". The man is impressed. "Sounds good" he says. Satan then asks him "do you smoke?". The man replies "of course i do, i've been a chain-smoker all my life. And i died of cancer so thats why im here". Satan says " good, good, on Tuesdays you can smoke all the cigarettes you want, all day, we have mountains of them". The man is even more impressed "i like the sound of that" he says with a smile.
Satan then asks him "do you do drugs?". The man replies "hell yes i love drugs!!". Satan replies "On Wednesdays you can have all the drugs you want, we have every drug you can imagine and you dont have to worry about ODing because you're already dead". The man says "brilliant, it's not so bad here afterall! I might stay here!".
Satan then asks him "are you g@Y?" the man replies "sorry??". "Are you g@y?" satan replies. The man replies "No i'm not g@y, not at all". Satan then shakes his head and says "oh man, you're NOT going to like Thursdays".