The Official Joke Thread

Key · 02-20-2023, 05:02 PM

A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says, "hey, I have a wish in my pocket, it's yours if you want it!"

The guy says "sure!"

The bartender pulls something out of his pocket and hands it to the guy, "now make a wish!"

The guy stands there thinking for a second and says "ok, I wish for 1000 bucks".

A few seconds later, 1000 ducks show up.

The guy looks at the bartender and say "hey what gives, i asked for 1000 bucks and instead i got 1000 ducks."

The bartender looks at the guy and says "yeah, imagine my disappointment when I got a 10 inch pianist."

Drjohnrock · 09-26-2024, 08:10 PM

This one requires a bit of knowledge of the record biz, but I'm sure a numbe of folks on the board will get it:

One day back in August 1977, the president of RCA Records was sitting in his office when one of his assistants walked in:

Assistant: Boss, I have good news and bad news.

Prez: Well, it's been a rough day, so give me the good news first.

A: The good news is we just got word that Elvis Presley died.

P: Wrong. That's not good news. That's great news! We'll re-release all of his old records, have a big publicity campaign and play on the public's sympathy. We'll make more money off the son of a bitch dead than when he was alive! Woo-hoo! OK, so now what's the bad news?

A: The bad news is that Glen Miller's plane just landed and he wants his royalties.

Drjohnrock · 10-12-2024, 10:53 AM

A dog calls 911:

Operator: "911, what is your emergency/"

Dog: "My owner's been gone for two whole seconds!"

Operator: "Wow, that's a real emergency! Is there a couch there you can tear up?"

Tristan_Geoff · 10-12-2024, 11:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Drjohnrock

A dog calls 911:

Operator: "911, what is your emergency/"

Dog: "My owner's been gone for two whole seconds!"

Operator: "Wow, that's a real emergency! Is there a couch there you can tear up?"

wait shouldn't the emergency be that the dog is talking or does that surprise no one anymore

Drjohnrock · 10-14-2024, 08:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tristan_Geoff

wait shouldn't the emergency be that the dog is talking or does that surprise no one anymore

Where’s your imagination, Tristan? Don’t be so literal minded. You wouldn’t happen to be an accountant, would you?

Ruby Slipper · 02-23-2025, 05:23 PM

Yeah, I'm bumping this thread. ...I thought I'd tell a chemistry joke, but I'm afraid I wouldn't get a reaction.

Drjohnrock · 02-23-2025, 07:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ruby Slipper

Yeah, I'm bumping this thread. ...I thought I'd tell a chemistry joke, but I'm afraid I wouldn't get a reaction.

I see what you did there.

Why did the old man fall into the well?

He couldn’t see that well.

Ruby Slipper · 02-23-2025, 08:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Drjohnrock

I see what you did there.

Why did the old man fall into the well?

He couldn’t see that well.

I see, said the blind man as he picked up his hammer and saw.

...Actually, I was going to share a salty joke, but then I thought, Na....

09-26-2024, 08:10 PM	#652 (permalink)
Drjohnrock Music Addict Join Date: Aug 2016 Location: Cincinnati, Ohio Posts: 516	This one requires a bit of knowledge of the record biz, but I'm sure a numbe of folks on the board will get it: One day back in August 1977, the president of RCA Records was sitting in his office when one of his assistants walked in: Assistant: Boss, I have good news and bad news. Prez: Well, it's been a rough day, so give me the good news first. A: The good news is we just got word that Elvis Presley died. P: Wrong. That's not good news. That's great news! We'll re-release all of his old records, have a big publicity campaign and play on the public's sympathy. We'll make more money off the son of a bitch dead than when he was alive! Woo-hoo! OK, so now what's the bad news? A: The bad news is that Glen Miller's plane just landed and he wants his royalties. Last edited by Drjohnrock; 10-12-2024 at 10:51 AM.

02-20-2023, 05:02 PM	#651 (permalink)
Key . Join Date: Dec 2010 Posts: 13,153	A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says, "hey, I have a wish in my pocket, it's yours if you want it!" The guy says "sure!" The bartender pulls something out of his pocket and hands it to the guy, "now make a wish!" The guy stands there thinking for a second and says "ok, I wish for 1000 bucks". A few seconds later, 1000 ducks show up. The guy looks at the bartender and say "hey what gives, i asked for 1000 bucks and instead i got 1000 ducks." The bartender looks at the guy and says "yeah, imagine my disappointment when I got a 10 inch pianist."

10-12-2024, 10:53 AM	#653 (permalink)
Drjohnrock Music Addict Join Date: Aug 2016 Location: Cincinnati, Ohio Posts: 516	A dog calls 911: Operator: "911, what is your emergency/" Dog: "My owner's been gone for two whole seconds!" Operator: "Wow, that's a real emergency! Is there a couch there you can tear up?"

02-23-2025, 05:23 PM	#656 (permalink)
Ruby Slipper Groupie Join Date: Jun 2017 Location: grey gardens Posts: 21	Yeah, I'm bumping this thread. ...I thought I'd tell a chemistry joke, but I'm afraid I wouldn't get a reaction.