The Official Joke Thread

DianneW · 12-10-2021, 12:52 PM

Plankton · 12-16-2021, 07:17 AM

innerspaceboy · 12-16-2021, 10:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Plankton

Hands-down the best version of this bit was from Animaniacs...

Plankton · 12-16-2021, 10:56 AM

Gotta love Animaniacs.

Trollheart · 05-08-2022, 05:21 AM

Graffiti chalked on the wall outside the London School of Grammar:

All policemen are illegitimate children.

The Batlord · 09-29-2022, 12:11 AM

You know it was an autistic immigration official who sunk the Titanic?

Spoiler for .:

Trollheart · 09-29-2022, 06:18 PM

What does Lady MacBeth say when she wants to put the dog out for the night?

Spoiler for shut up that's why:

Key · 02-20-2023, 05:02 PM

A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says, "hey, I have a wish in my pocket, it's yours if you want it!"

The guy says "sure!"

The bartender pulls something out of his pocket and hands it to the guy, "now make a wish!"

The guy stands there thinking for a second and says "ok, I wish for 1000 bucks".

A few seconds later, 1000 ducks show up.

The guy looks at the bartender and say "hey what gives, i asked for 1000 bucks and instead i got 1000 ducks."

The bartender looks at the guy and says "yeah, imagine my disappointment when I got a 10 inch pianist."

Drjohnrock · 09-26-2024, 08:10 PM

This one requires a bit of knowledge of the record biz, but I'm sure a numbe of folks on the board will get it:

One day back in August 1977, the president of RCA Records was sitting in his office when one of his assistants walked in:

Assistant: Boss, I have good news and bad news.

Prez: Well, it's been a rough day, so give me the good news first.

A: The good news is we just got word that Elvis Presley died.

P: Wrong. That's not good news. That's great news! We'll re-release all of his old records, have a big publicity campaign and play on the public's sympathy. We'll make more money off the son of a bitch dead than when he was alive! Woo-hoo! OK, so now what's the bad news?

A: The bad news is that Glen Miller's plane just landed and he wants his royalties.

Drjohnrock · 10-12-2024, 10:53 AM

A dog calls 911:

Operator: "911, what is your emergency/"

Dog: "My owner's been gone for two whole seconds!"

Operator: "Wow, that's a real emergency! Is there a couch there you can tear up?"

12-16-2021, 07:17 AM	#642 (permalink)
Plankton Just Keep Swimming... Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: See signature... Posts: 7,765	__________________ See location...

12-16-2021, 10:56 AM	#644 (permalink)
Plankton Just Keep Swimming... Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: See signature... Posts: 7,765	Gotta love Animaniacs. __________________ See location...

05-08-2022, 05:21 AM	#645 (permalink)
Trollheart Born to be mild Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: 404 Not Found Posts: 26,996	Graffiti chalked on the wall outside the London School of Grammar: All policemen are illegitimate children. __________________ Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018

09-29-2022, 06:18 PM	#647 (permalink)
Trollheart Born to be mild Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: 404 Not Found Posts: 26,996	What does Lady MacBeth say when she wants to put the dog out for the night? Spoiler for shut up that's why: "Out! Out, damn Spot!" __________________ Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018

09-26-2024, 08:10 PM	#649 (permalink)
Drjohnrock Music Addict Join Date: Aug 2016 Location: Cincinnati, Ohio Posts: 549	This one requires a bit of knowledge of the record biz, but I'm sure a numbe of folks on the board will get it: One day back in August 1977, the president of RCA Records was sitting in his office when one of his assistants walked in: Assistant: Boss, I have good news and bad news. Prez: Well, it's been a rough day, so give me the good news first. A: The good news is we just got word that Elvis Presley died. P: Wrong. That's not good news. That's great news! We'll re-release all of his old records, have a big publicity campaign and play on the public's sympathy. We'll make more money off the son of a bitch dead than when he was alive! Woo-hoo! OK, so now what's the bad news? A: The bad news is that Glen Miller's plane just landed and he wants his royalties. Last edited by Drjohnrock; 10-12-2024 at 10:51 AM.

12-10-2021, 12:52 PM	#641 (permalink)
DianneW Music Addict Join Date: Apr 2021 Posts: 1,161

02-20-2023, 05:02 PM	#648 (permalink)
Key . Join Date: Dec 2010 Posts: 13,153	A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says, "hey, I have a wish in my pocket, it's yours if you want it!" The guy says "sure!" The bartender pulls something out of his pocket and hands it to the guy, "now make a wish!" The guy stands there thinking for a second and says "ok, I wish for 1000 bucks". A few seconds later, 1000 ducks show up. The guy looks at the bartender and say "hey what gives, i asked for 1000 bucks and instead i got 1000 ducks." The bartender looks at the guy and says "yeah, imagine my disappointment when I got a 10 inch pianist."

10-12-2024, 10:53 AM	#650 (permalink)
Drjohnrock Music Addict Join Date: Aug 2016 Location: Cincinnati, Ohio Posts: 549	A dog calls 911: Operator: "911, what is your emergency/" Dog: "My owner's been gone for two whole seconds!" Operator: "Wow, that's a real emergency! Is there a couch there you can tear up?"