The Official Joke Thread

[Zer0]

Originally Posted by Thom Yorke

Q: What do you call a Middle Eastern man in the ****pit of a plane?
A: A pilot, you racist.

Q:What did the coffee mug say to the shot glass?
A: Nothing. Drinking vessels can't talk, nor do they have any semblance of consciousness. To anthropomorphize them would be ludicrous.

Q: How do you confuse a blond?
A: Paint yourself green and throw forks at her.

An Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman walk into a bar. What a fine example of an integrated community.

Q:What did the German say to the black jew?
A: I'm not sure, I don't speak German.

I told my brother the best anti joke I've ever heard in my life the other day.
He didn't laugh. He is autistic and doesn't understand humour.

I love anti-jokes

What do you call a black man with no arms and no legs lying on your doorstep?
Whatever his name just happens to be

A horse walks into a bar
The bar man escorts it outside and calmly phones the police

Two clowns and a fire-breather walk into a bar
They order a pint each and sit down to enjoy

What did the duck say to the skunk?
Quack

Knock, knock
Who's there?
It's the police, your son has been hit by a car

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
Because it was dead

Why did the other monkey fall out of the tree?
Because it was also dead

An Irishman walks out of a bar...