what is the difference between a scientist using chicken as lab rats and a lawyer?

that scientist has cluckers for science

the lawyer has suckers for clients

A guy walks into a photo developing lab to pick up some photos he'd taken of his naked wife.
The guy behind the counter smiles at him while he hands them over and says "Would you like the negatives?"
"Yes please," he said sheepishly.
"Your wife's got saggy tits and a fat arse."

I was at the beach today & Beth Ditto approached me & asked me to rub some sun cream on her back.
I explained to her I was only there for the day.

:laughing::clap:

A blonde orders a grapefruit soda at a restaurant. The waiter brings it to her table and she asks "why isn't it purple?"

When you're using a garden hose and it seems as if there is something blocking it, have a listen, and if you hear music and a wee voice singing, 'hey you've really got me going', then there's a kink in it.

................... Wow.....jus.....just..........wow.

I would use this over and over again but nobody would even get it :(

Dunno if I've posted this.


What's the difference between football and Madeline McCann?


Footballs coming home.

why do penguins walk softly?

Because they can't hardly walk

I was at the bar the other night and overheard three very hefty women talking at the bar.

Their accent appeared to be Scottish, so I approached and asked, "Hello, are you three lassies from Scotland ?"

One of them angrily screeched, "It's Wales, Wales you bloody idiot!"

So I apologized and replied, "I am so sorry. Are you three whales from Scotland?"

And that's the last thing I remember.