Three widows are discussing what should be done with their husbands ashes. The first widow says "I would like them to be spread over the Atlantic, as my Bill loved nothing more then to fish in the Atlantic". The second widow says "please have my Jacobs ashes spread over central park as he loved to spend many days jogging there". The third widow says "you can just give me Johnnies ashes as I plan on sprinkling them into a bowl of chili so he can tear my ass up one last time".

Ok, I heard this one when I was in 2nd grade... not sure how much comedic value it still possesses... but here it goes.

An American man has to go to China on business and decides, while he is down there, to get himself a prostitute for the evening. As he is doing his thing, the woman keeps screaming.. "ahhh, ching chong way... AHH CHING CHONG WAY!!!!" thinking this means he is doing a good job... he continues with what he is doing and the woman continues to scream "Ching Chong Way". A few weeks later, back in America, the man is playing golf with a Chinese business associate who happens to hit a hole in one. The American man, thinking he learned some new Chinese lingo while on his trip, says "oh, Ching Chong Way!!!". The Chinese man looks at him and says "what do you mean wrong hole?"

Knock Knock.

Who's there?

Interrupting cow.
Interrupting cow whMOOOOOOOOOO




Annnndd I'm spent.

I taught my friend's 6 year old daughter this joke, and now every time she sees me she has to tell it about 10 times. And I've had the privilege to hear it with not only a cow, but a wolf and a dog. Thankfully she's cute, so it takes the edge off hearing it for the millionth time.

I think you fucked this joke up.


The way I always heard it:
Why doesn't Texas fall in to the ocean?



Cause Oklahoma sucks.

What did the hat say to the hat rack?

You stay here. I'll go on a head.

Edit:

Why were the ink spots sad?

Because their mother was in the pen and didn't know how long her sentence would be.

How can you spot a blind guy at a nudists colony?

It's not hard

Lawl.

That's funny. It's also a way to spot old women.

How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

That's not funny.

Jesus Christ walks into a hotel.
He hands the Innkeeper three nails and asks,
"Can you put me up for the night?".

Why did the gay necrophiliacs go to the morgue?

To suck down a few cold ones.

Oh god, hahaha, thats nasty.:laughing:

I love the simplicity!

What's the difference between a dead baby and a hamburger?

You don't **** a hamburger before you eat it. :love:

Hahahaha... That picture has win.

Isn't there a David Caruso hate club? I'd join it.

I dunno, but jj.am has all sorts of those. Just look up caruso on there and you can find all kinds of puns and hate jokes, such as:

http://4gifs.com/gallery/d/56837-1/killer_clown.jpg
http://4gifs.com/gallery/d/54881-1/Stopped_clock.jpg

That's a new one. Damn!

Here we go...

What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a pile of bowling balls?

Can't move the bowling balls with a pitchfork.

Weak and overall not funny, good try though.

this one is just dumb.

Dead Baby jokes are ooooold. Or i've gotten too old, one of the two.

if by "old" you mean "never funny", yeah I agree. I have a pretty crude sense of humor and these just always seemed idiotic to me... oh well, maybe I am getting old as well.

Dumb was the point, don't be an ass about it. :nono:

So a blind man walks into a bar....



/fail.

A man who just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit.
The female blonde mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. She points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.


The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the Blonde mortician a blank check and says, 'I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.'


The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly ...


She says to the mortician , 'Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied. You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful. How much did you spend?'


To her astonishment, the blonde mortician presents her with the blank check.


'There's no charge,' she says.


'No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!' she says.


'Honestly, ma'am,' the blonde says, 'it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice. . . . . . . ...


So I just switched the heads.'

^lol

(this thread is more succesful than i thought it would be)

I thought funny was the point? don't be dumb about it.

Aaaah go **** a sewer gator. :beer:

That was a good one TL!

:laughing:

what did one lesbian vampire say to the other?












see you next month...

:whythis:

No sir that's not what I meant.

On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his shiny new bike. The cop says to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"

The kid replies, "Yeah."

The cop says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail-light on that bike."

The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a $20.00 bicycle safety violation ticket.

The kid takes the ticket and before he rides off says, "By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"

Humoring the kid, the cop says, "Yeah, he sure did."

The kid continued, "Well, next year tell Santa to put the d1ck underneath the horse, instead of on top."

so you guys will laugh at anything I suppose... makes sense.

By the way, there are some good jokes going on in this thread... keep up the good work people, I enjoy reading them.

Well I'm going to tell one of my favorite go to jokes

Three vampires walk into a bar....
The first vampire says to the bartender
"I'd like a bloody mary"
The second vampire yells over to the bartender
"Get me a bloody mary also"
The bartender turns to the third Vampire and says "let me guess you want a bloody mary also?"
The third vampire says "No, I'd like for you to bring me some hot water"
The bartender looks confused but he comes back with the hot water for the third Vampire.
So the bartender says "you come to a bar to get hot water?"
The third Vampire reaches into his pocket and pulls out a bloody tampon with little chunks stuck to it and says "I'm having tea today"

hey DJ, best to check the entire thread before repeating already posted jokes... although that was a pretty good one, I didn't mind reading it twice ;)

What's the difference between a pussy and a walrus?

One has fishy flaps and whiskers, and the other one is a walrus.

I don't know how funny this will be but I heard it on the radio the other day:

A guy and girl are sitting in a car reading. A police officer driving by notices the car on the side of the road and decides to check and find out why they're parked there. He walks over to the drivers window and asks the guy, "how old are you?", the guy replys "I'm 24". Then the policeman asks the girl her age, she replies "I'm 15" and the guy quickly finishes by saying "but she is 16 in 12 minutes!".

http://www.stitthappens.com/images/r...lls_mordor.jpg

just seen this...!!!it's just too funny...and so true!