The Official Joke Thread

Surell · 04-04-2009, 11:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CAPTAIN CAVEMAN

what did one lesbian vampire say to the other?

see you next month...

~~CAPTAIN CAVEMAN~~ · 04-04-2009, 11:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Surell

spoiler

Surell · 04-05-2009, 12:03 AM

No sir that's not what I meant.

Freebase Dali · 04-05-2009, 12:27 AM

On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his shiny new bike. The cop says to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"

The kid replies, "Yeah."

The cop says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail-light on that bike."

The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a $20.00 bicycle safety violation ticket.

The kid takes the ticket and before he rides off says, "By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"

Humoring the kid, the cop says, "Yeah, he sure did."

The kid continued, "Well, next year tell Santa to put the d1ck underneath the horse, instead of on top."

Whatsitoosit · 04-06-2009, 11:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Terrible Lizard

Aaaah go **** a sewer gator.

Quote:

Originally Posted by FaSho

That was a good one TL!

so you guys will laugh at anything I suppose... makes sense.

By the way, there are some good jokes going on in this thread... keep up the good work people, I enjoy reading them.

djchameleon · 04-06-2009, 03:42 PM

Well I'm going to tell one of my favorite go to jokes

Three vampires walk into a bar....
The first vampire says to the bartender
"I'd like a bloody mary"
The second vampire yells over to the bartender
"Get me a bloody mary also"
The bartender turns to the third Vampire and says "let me guess you want a bloody mary also?"
The third vampire says "No, I'd like for you to bring me some hot water"
The bartender looks confused but he comes back with the hot water for the third Vampire.
So the bartender says "you come to a bar to get hot water?"
The third Vampire reaches into his pocket and pulls out a bloody tampon with little chunks stuck to it and says "I'm having tea today"

Whatsitoosit · 04-06-2009, 03:46 PM

hey DJ, best to check the entire thread before repeating already posted jokes... although that was a pretty good one, I didn't mind reading it twice

ElephantSack · 04-07-2009, 01:31 AM

What's the difference between a pussy and a walrus?

One has fishy flaps and whiskers, and the other one is a walrus.

**Scarlett O'Hara** · 04-07-2009, 08:31 PM

I don't know how funny this will be but I heard it on the radio the other day:

A guy and girl are sitting in a car reading. A police officer driving by notices the car on the side of the road and decides to check and find out why they're parked there. He walks over to the drivers window and asks the guy, "how old are you?", the guy replys "I'm 24". Then the policeman asks the girl her age, she replies "I'm 15" and the guy quickly finishes by saying "but she is 16 in 12 minutes!".

spark10036 · 04-07-2009, 08:37 PM

just seen this...!!!it's just too funny...and so true!

04-05-2009, 12:27 AM	#114 (permalink)
Freebase Dali Partying on the inside Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 5,584	On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his shiny new bike. The cop says to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?" The kid replies, "Yeah." The cop says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail-light on that bike." The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a $20.00 bicycle safety violation ticket. The kid takes the ticket and before he rides off says, "By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?" Humoring the kid, the cop says, "Yeah, he sure did." The kid continued, "Well, next year tell Santa to put the d1ck underneath the horse, instead of on top." __________________

04-06-2009, 03:46 PM	#117 (permalink)
Whatsitoosit Bringer of Carrots Join Date: May 2008 Location: New York, NY Posts: 648	hey DJ, best to check the entire thread before repeating already posted jokes... although that was a pretty good one, I didn't mind reading it twice __________________ "It takes 43 muscles to frown and 17 to smile, but it doesn't take any to just sit there with a dumb look on your face."

04-07-2009, 08:31 PM	#119 (permalink)
Scarlett O'Hara Make it so Join Date: Oct 2005 Posts: 6,181	I don't know how funny this will be but I heard it on the radio the other day: A guy and girl are sitting in a car reading. A police officer driving by notices the car on the side of the road and decides to check and find out why they're parked there. He walks over to the drivers window and asks the guy, "how old are you?", the guy replys "I'm 24". Then the policeman asks the girl her age, she replies "I'm 15" and the guy quickly finishes by saying "but she is 16 in 12 minutes!". __________________ "Elph is truly an enfant terrible of the forum, bless and curse him" - Marie, Queen of Thots

04-07-2009, 08:37 PM	#120 (permalink)
spark10036 locomotive power Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: too drunk to remember Posts: 518	just seen this...!!!it's just too funny...and so true! __________________ ...siempre es possible

04-06-2009, 03:42 PM	#116 (permalink)
djchameleon A.B.N. Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: NY baby Posts: 11,451	Well I'm going to tell one of my favorite go to jokes Three vampires walk into a bar.... The first vampire says to the bartender "I'd like a bloody mary" The second vampire yells over to the bartender "Get me a bloody mary also" The bartender turns to the third Vampire and says "let me guess you want a bloody mary also?" The third vampire says "No, I'd like for you to bring me some hot water" The bartender looks confused but he comes back with the hot water for the third Vampire. So the bartender says "you come to a bar to get hot water?" The third Vampire reaches into his pocket and pulls out a bloody tampon with little chunks stuck to it and says "I'm having tea today"

04-07-2009, 01:31 AM	#118 (permalink)
ElephantSack Man vs. Wild Turkey Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: ATX Posts: 948	What's the difference between a pussy and a walrus? One has fishy flaps and whiskers, and the other one is a walrus.