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if you have any other jokes, just post them in this thread
http://www.musicbanter.com/games-lis...thread-36.html |
I doubt he does now that he has his 16 posts.
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What do a man who is sexually aroused by leap years, and an Asian politician have in common?
Every four years, they have a big erection. |
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A dying granny was talking to her granddaughter. "I may die any minute so I want you to inherit my farm including the villa, tractor, the farmhouse, all the livestock and $22,389,630.00 cash". "WoW!!" said the granddaughter 'Thanks granny, I didn't know you even had a farm & all this wealth! Where is it??"
Granny says with her last dying breath. "It's on my Facebook." |
I posted this in the youtube video thread, but I fits better here.
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So a dyslexic man walks into a bra
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Respect your elders.
The story begins with a lawyer and a senior citizen sitting next to each other on a long airplane flight. The lawyer is thinking that senior citizens are dumb. He is feeling so superior and thought he could get one over on one easily. So, the lawyer asks if the senior would like to play a fun game. The senior is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists, saying that the game is a lot of fun... "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5.00. Then you ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00," he says. This catches the senior's attention and, to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game. The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the Earth to the Moon?" The senior doesn't say a word, but reaches into his pocket, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer. Now, it's the senior's turn. He asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?" The lawyer uses his laptop to search all references he can find on the Net. He sends E-mails to all the smart friends he knows; all to no avail. After an hour of searching, he finally gives up. He wakes the senior and hands him $500.00. The senior pockets the $500.00 and goes right back to sleep. The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer. He wakes the senior up and asks, "Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?" The senior reaches into his pocket, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep. |
thread bump, as I've just recollected this one:-
a milionaire socialite throws a "human emotion" party, all attendees must come as an emotion in order to gain admission first one up is a guy all in green with the alphabets "N" and "V" on his chest he says "i'm green with envy" so the millionaire lets him in second one is a girl in pink with huge feathers under her armpits she says "i'm tickled pink", so she gets in also third are two NY cab drivers, one with his dick in a pear, and the other with his dick in a bowl of custard the millionaire is shocked and asks them to go away the cab driver says "i have come in dis pear (despair) and my friend is fucking dis custard (disgusted)" |
I saw a bloke being completely henpecked by his girlfriend on The Jeremy Kyle Show.
You could really see who wears the tracksuit bottoms in their relationship. |
Lmaoo at all of these..
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You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!
Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice'? << -Shudders- Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'? @_@ |
A man walks into a bar. Except this bar was a metal bar, like a pole. Anyways, he got hurt.
Three guys walk into a bar. One of them is a little bit stupid and the scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability. Congratulations, Amy Whinehouse: sober for 60 days and counting. Q: What is black and hangs from trees in my backyard? A: Blackberries Most men think the bigger the penis they have, the more pleasure they can give to a woman. Most women don't agree because they don't have a penis. An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman are standing on the edge of a cliff. The Englishman and the Irishman jump off. The Scottsman says, "Oh, ****!" Three black guys sit down to have lunch at the basketball court. One black man reaches in his pack and pulls out a watermelon. The second black man reaches in his basket and pulls out some fried chicken and a pan of cornbread. They both look expectantly towards their friend as he opens up his pack. Right as he opens it, however, his cell phone goes off. Upon completing the call, he hangs up and looks at his two friends. "My financial aid got approved, guys!" he exclaims. Both of his friends congratulate him on finally making it to college. They are so proud. |
Joe goes next door to greet his new neighbour. The two men hit it off and when the topic of occupation comes up, the neighbour said he was a statistician.
"What does that mean?" says Joe. "Well, let me show you," says the neighbour. "Do you have a doghouse, Joe?" "Why, yes I do." "Ok, I'm going to assume that because you have a doghouse, it's pretty likely you have a dog, correct?" "Yes, I do have a dog." "Well, if you have a dog I'm led to believe you probably have a family as well." "Yes, that's true." "And if you have a family I'm inclined to believe you're married." "Yep." "And if you're married, I think it's safe to assume you're heterosexual?" "Yes." "See," says the neighbour. "Just by asking whether or not you had a doghouse, I was able to infer what your sexuality was through statistics." The two men talked a bit more and then Joe left for work. Throughout the day he was very intrigued with what his neighbour had talked about so he decided to talk about it with a man he sat next to on the bus-ride home. "Hey, man," says Joe. "Do you know anything about statisticians?" "No," says the man. "What do they do?" "Well, here, let me show you," says Joe. "Do you happen to own a doghouse?" "No," says the man. "Oh, so you're one of those homos, huh?" |
"My cock is bigger!" "No! My cock is bigger!"- Two cock fighters arguing about who has a bigger dick
"Do you know how fast you were going, sir?" - Cop who forgot his radar gun at home "Nothing beats waking up early to go to the airport." – A guy playing a board game who just played his “waking up early to go to the airport” card, which trumps all "Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened." - Some dick trying their very best to make you cry |
Q. what the rat get for his birthday?
A. a bicycle Q. if there are two holes in the wall, how you do know which one is the rat hole? A. the one with the bicycle parked next to it |
My wife is finally losing weight thanks to a slimming club.
If she goes near the fridge, I hit her with it. |
One day a Jewish boy asked his father for money. He asked "Father, lend me fifty dollars!" His father replied, "Fourty dollars? What do you need thirty dollars for?"
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I was really late for a meeting. I was driving around outside the building trying to park, but I couldn't find a place anywhere. Everywhere was really busy and there were cars everywhere.
In desperation, I turned to God: "Holy Father, Please help me out and give me a place to park. If you do, I shall forever afterwards be your servant and worship you every day". Sure enough, a car just left a spot right outside the building. "Oh wait, never mind God, I just spotted one." |
Marijuana is illegal in many places.
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Yeah, so obviously I'm new here since I'm just reading this one now, but I will say that if you like this joke, watch the movie "Teeth"... and yes, it's a real movie... |
What do you call a white woman with a yeast infection?
Crackers with cheese. |
What's the difference between Madeline McCann and Football?
Football's comin' home. |
People with a Cockney accent never really do h (as in heroin). A lot of people think that it's the same in Mexico and Spain, but they actually just roll it into their j's.
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I made this up myself, lame I know:
What is it called when a prositute has PMS? WHORE MOANS |
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"That which does not kill me makes me stronger." - Stephen Hawking trying out irony
"A horse! A horse! My kingdom for a horse!" - Stupidest king ever "A kingdom! A kingdom! My horse for a kingdom!" - Guy who earlier impulsively traded his kingdom for a horse In the Captain's defense, "Women and children first" is highly sexist and ageist. If I had a dollar for every Jew joke somebody made about me, I'd take that money and invest it wisely. |
What do you get when you cross a lesbian and a dinosaur?
A LICKALOTAPUS |
what do you call a gay dinosaur?
Mega-sore-ass (Megasaurus) |
In very poor taste, but...
What's the difference between a bag of cocaine and a child? Eric Clapton wouldn't let a bag of cocaine fall out a window. |
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Hey! It`s good to see that you`re back, Bloozcrooz ! I hope everything is well with you ; where`ve you been ?
Oh, and my joke, which is also a beginner`s guide to music:- If a musician is playing three chords in front of a thousand people, it`s rock. If a musician is playing a thousand chords in front of three people, it`s jazz. |
Hey Lisnaholic! Good to see ya as well. I liked how ya zinged that one in there. It got a laugh out of me. Hope your doing ok
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Glad you liked it - one of about two jokes that I know.
You missed all the end-of-year/Valentine`s Day excitement here, and I missed all your SRV clips ! |
End of the year excitment huh? Hmm..yeah ive been away for a while. Ill try an dig up some more good Stevie clips for ya soon though.
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Everyone feels sorry for Whitney Houston, but she's been doing pretty good IMO. Sober for eight days and counting.
Too soon? |
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where ya been? this is Il Duce here, btw |
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What's pink and covered in rust.
Madeleine Mccann's bike. Quote:
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