Find the best music reviews on RYM (blues, house, metal)

jackhammer · 07-04-2008, 04:11 PM

Welcome! - Rate Your Music

Find some of the best one line fan written reviews of some of your own albums. Here's a classic:

Review:

"inoffensive fun with a couple of strangely sweet vocal melodies, generally pretty stupid though"

jackhammer · 07-04-2008, 04:14 PM

"What a crazy bastard. What else is there to say?"

ProggyMan · 07-04-2008, 04:19 PM

There's a Joshua Tree review which is a list of musical 'felons'. It's very amusing.

Piss Me Off · 07-05-2008, 07:38 AM

"I admire your guts, Lou." 1 star.

Urban Hat€monger ? · 07-05-2008, 11:15 AM

Does it have to be one line?

Because this is great

"Say, has life got ya down? Feelin' bummed? Havin' difficulty coping? Can't get a second glance from the chicks? Well children, you've come to the right place. Dr. Beauregard'll set you straight. My diagnosis of you is chronic wussiness. What you need is some real rock-n-roll". What the heck are you babblin' about?", I asked the rockin' housecat. "Yep", the cat continued on as he further examined me...."I've seen cases like this before. The first symptom is denial, of course. Then the fever sets in and you start to denigrate your AC/DC collection. Hell, I'd heard of a feller across town who'd got it so bad that he'd started to appreciate his wife's Hall and Oates Greatest Hits CD. And furthermore, in a fit of delirium, he'd offered to give up beer "n" football in order to help out around the house. It wasn't pretty, I can tell you. Fortunately, I was cat on the spot and was able to make a house call and inject some Led Zeppelin into the dude, who subsequently made a miraculous recovery, much to the satisfaction of his wife."

"Bobo, what does that goofy story have to do with Alice Cooper?", I asked. It doesn't have anything to do with the Coop", the cat replied. "I jus' felt that we'd kill some time and add some verbiage to our review total, that's all. If'n we're back on the AC discography, that means that the Coop's '77 album, Lace and Whiskey is on deck. I can guarantee you that we'd be hard pressed to flesh-out a decent review of this album". "Why is that?", I asked. "Because it sucks, that's why", said the rockin' housecat, emphatically. "No great melodies. No great riff's. No great lines. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. If I were guitarists Dick Wagner or Steve Hunter, I'd be embarrassed to cash paychecks associated with this turkey. What was Alice Cooper thinking? (Yeah, I know what the Coop was thinking....'Man, I gotta get the Billion Dollar Babies" back together again!'). Albums as misguided as Lace and Whiskey are career killers".

"OK, Bobo, lay it on the line. Don't hold back. Tell me what you really think about Lace and Whiskey?". I asked. The cat replied..."I give this album one-half star. It's that bad. one of the worst in our whole rock-n-roll collection. The only reason it's not bringin'-up the rear of our collection is because we have the Moody Blues, Sur La Mer occupying that esteemed spot."

jackhammer · 07-07-2008, 06:57 PM

Someone had to do it:

Shark Sandwich by Spinal Tap : Reviews and Ratings - Rate Your Music

Son of JayJamJah · 07-07-2008, 07:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jackhammer

Someone had to do it:

Shark Sandwich by Spinal Tap : Reviews and Ratings - Rate Your Music

I was so close. Actually that movie is on Tv here today and I caught it right before that part.

"The can't publish that now can they?"

jackhammer · 07-13-2008, 07:04 PM

'bjork swallows a brass band, dies'. It is still languishing on my hard drive-is the review correct?

Piss Me Off · 07-15-2008, 03:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jackhammer

'bjork swallows a brass band, dies'. It is still languishing on my hard drive-is the review correct?

Well it isn't one of her best to be honest, but she's far from dead yet. Give it a go definitely.

Molecules · 07-15-2008, 03:50 PM

The rockin' housecat deserves his own column

07-04-2008, 04:11 PM	#1 (permalink)
jackhammer Ba and Be. Join Date: May 2007 Location: This Is England Posts: 17,331	Find the best music reviews on RYM Welcome! - Rate Your Music Find some of the best one line fan written reviews of some of your own albums. Here's a classic: Review: "inoffensive fun with a couple of strangely sweet vocal melodies, generally pretty stupid though" __________________ It be my music and film collection. “A cynic by experience, a romantic by inclination and now a hero by necessity.”

07-04-2008, 04:14 PM	#2 (permalink)
jackhammer Ba and Be. Join Date: May 2007 Location: This Is England Posts: 17,331	"What a crazy bastard. What else is there to say?" __________________ It be my music and film collection. “A cynic by experience, a romantic by inclination and now a hero by necessity.”

07-05-2008, 07:38 AM	#4 (permalink)
Piss Me Off Moodswings n' Roundabouts Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: At the corner of Dude and Catastrophe Posts: 4,512	"I admire your guts, Lou." 1 star. __________________ Last FM Rate Yr Music Muxtape

07-05-2008, 11:15 AM	#5 (permalink)
Urban Hat€monger ? The Sexual Intellectual Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Somewhere cooler than you Posts: 18,605	Does it have to be one line? Because this is great "Say, has life got ya down? Feelin' bummed? Havin' difficulty coping? Can't get a second glance from the chicks? Well children, you've come to the right place. Dr. Beauregard'll set you straight. My diagnosis of you is chronic wussiness. What you need is some real rock-n-roll". What the heck are you babblin' about?", I asked the rockin' housecat. "Yep", the cat continued on as he further examined me...."I've seen cases like this before. The first symptom is denial, of course. Then the fever sets in and you start to denigrate your AC/DC collection. Hell, I'd heard of a feller across town who'd got it so bad that he'd started to appreciate his wife's Hall and Oates Greatest Hits CD. And furthermore, in a fit of delirium, he'd offered to give up beer "n" football in order to help out around the house. It wasn't pretty, I can tell you. Fortunately, I was cat on the spot and was able to make a house call and inject some Led Zeppelin into the dude, who subsequently made a miraculous recovery, much to the satisfaction of his wife." "Bobo, what does that goofy story have to do with Alice Cooper?", I asked. It doesn't have anything to do with the Coop", the cat replied. "I jus' felt that we'd kill some time and add some verbiage to our review total, that's all. If'n we're back on the AC discography, that means that the Coop's '77 album, Lace and Whiskey is on deck. I can guarantee you that we'd be hard pressed to flesh-out a decent review of this album". "Why is that?", I asked. "Because it sucks, that's why", said the rockin' housecat, emphatically. "No great melodies. No great riff's. No great lines. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. If I were guitarists Dick Wagner or Steve Hunter, I'd be embarrassed to cash paychecks associated with this turkey. What was Alice Cooper thinking? (Yeah, I know what the Coop was thinking....'Man, I gotta get the Billion Dollar Babies" back together again!'). Albums as misguided as Lace and Whiskey are career killers". "OK, Bobo, lay it on the line. Don't hold back. Tell me what you really think about Lace and Whiskey?". I asked. The cat replied..."I give this album one-half star. It's that bad. one of the worst in our whole rock-n-roll collection. The only reason it's not bringin'-up the rear of our collection is because we have the Moody Blues, Sur La Mer occupying that esteemed spot." __________________ Urb's RYM Stuff Most people sell their soul to the devil, but the devil sells his soul to Nick Cave.

07-07-2008, 06:57 PM	#6 (permalink)
jackhammer Ba and Be. Join Date: May 2007 Location: This Is England Posts: 17,331	Someone had to do it: Shark Sandwich by Spinal Tap : Reviews and Ratings - Rate Your Music __________________ It be my music and film collection. “A cynic by experience, a romantic by inclination and now a hero by necessity.”

07-04-2008, 04:19 PM	#3 (permalink)
ProggyMan Reformed Jackass Join Date: Sep 2007 Posts: 3,964	There's a Joshua Tree review which is a list of musical 'felons'. It's very amusing.

07-13-2008, 07:04 PM	#8 (permalink)
jackhammer Ba and Be. Join Date: May 2007 Location: This Is England Posts: 17,331	'bjork swallows a brass band, dies'. It is still languishing on my hard drive-is the review correct? __________________ It be my music and film collection. “A cynic by experience, a romantic by inclination and now a hero by necessity.”

07-15-2008, 03:50 PM	#10 (permalink)
Molecules daddy don't Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: the Wastes Posts: 2,577	The rockin' housecat deserves his own column __________________ [SIZE="1"]Eff em tumble her