offensive jokes *giggles* (house, member, covers, quote, Bell)

Laces Out Dan! · 01-02-2006, 01:24 AM

NO WAY!

littleknowitall · 01-02-2006, 07:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Urban Hatemonger

*ahem*

god damn it we're fifth

, i really could have picked a better place to be born. *shakes fist at ****ty welsh football team*

MURDER JUNKIE · 01-24-2006, 11:42 PM

A man and a woman are sitting at a bar having a drink and strike up a conversation with each other. The woman says to the man " my husband just left me because I am too kinky for him ", and the man replies " that is a coincidence because my wife just left me because I am too kinky ". They talk a little bit more and have a couple more drinks and the woman invites the man back to her apartment.

Upon arrival at the apartment, the woman excuses herself to slip into something more comfortable. She is in her bedroom for about 10 minutes and she re-enters the living room dressed in a leather dominatrix outfit, just in time to see the man getting his shoes on ready to leave. She says " where are you going I thought we were going to get kinky together? " The man replies " I already screwed your dog and crapped in your purse, I'm done "

sleepy jack · 01-24-2006, 11:47 PM

I wish my grass was emo cause then it could cut itself

PerFeCTioNThrUSileNCe · 01-24-2006, 11:50 PM

nice

A man goes into a greasy spoon restaurant and orders a bowl of chicken soup. "What's this?!?!?" he screams! "There's a pussy hair in my soup! I'm not payin' for it!" and he storms out... The waitress gets very upset at this and follows him out and sees him go to the whorehouse across the street. He pays the madam and retires to a room with a lovely blonde and goes down on her with gusto. The waitress bursts in and says, "You complain about a hair in your soup and then come over here and do THIS!???" the waitress yells. He lifts his head, turns to her and says, "Yeah!... and if I find a noodle in here, I ain't payin' for it EITHER!!!!!"

Two ***s are driving down the street when they see a dog on the side of the road licking his prick. "I sure wish I could do that," said the one ***. To which the other replied,

"Don't you think you ought to pet him first??"

Laces Out Dan! · 01-25-2006, 12:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Crowquill

I wish my grass was emo cause then it could cut itself

Thats tight

MURDER JUNKIE · 01-26-2006, 10:21 AM

A Canadian is drinking in a New York bar when he gets a call on his cell
phone. He hangs up, grinning from ear to ear & orders a round of drinks
for everybody in the bar because, he announces, his wife has just
produced a typical Canadian baby boy weighing 25 pounds.
Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but the
Canadian just shrugs, "That's about average up North, folks. Like I
said, my boy's a typical Canadian baby boy."
Congratulations showered him from all around & many exclamations of
"WOW!" were heard. One woman actually fainted due to sympathy pains.
Two weeks later the Canadian returns to the bar. The bartender says
"Say, you're the father of that typical Canadian baby that weighed 25
pounds at birth, aren't you? Everybody's been makin' bets about how big
he'd be in two weeks. We were gonna call you... so how much does he
weigh now?"
The proud father answers, "Seventeen pounds."
The bartender is puzzled & concerned. "What happened? He already
weighed 25 pounds the day he was born."
The Canadian father takes a slow swig from his Molson Canadian, wipes
his lips on his shirtsleeve, leans into the bartender & proudly says,
"Had him circumcised".

PerFeCTioNThrUSileNCe · 01-26-2006, 10:36 AM

nice. very nice.

MURDER JUNKIE · 01-27-2006, 01:06 AM

I need more jokes. POST ONE NOW!!!!

PerFeCTioNThrUSileNCe · 01-27-2006, 01:10 AM

this in no way expresses my views but...

Q: Do you know what a Jewish dilemma is?

A: Free ham.

Three guys are discussing women. "I like to watch a woman's tits best," the first guy says.

The second says, "I like to look at a woman's ass." He asks the third guy, "What about you?"

"Me? I perfer to see the top of her head."

Q: What's the difference between a whore and a bitch?

A: A whore screws everyone, a bitch screws everyone except you.

Q: What do lobster thermidor and oral sex have in common?

A: You can't get either of them at home.

01-02-2006, 01:24 AM	#121 (permalink)
Laces Out Dan! I love Puck Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: British Columbia Posts: 4,614	NO WAY! __________________ We are entirely smooth, We admit to the truth, We are the best at what we do.

01-24-2006, 11:42 PM	#123 (permalink)
MURDER JUNKIE The Wetter The Better!! Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: SH1TTY London Ontario Canada Posts: 2,504	A man and a woman are sitting at a bar having a drink and strike up a conversation with each other. The woman says to the man " my husband just left me because I am too kinky for him ", and the man replies " that is a coincidence because my wife just left me because I am too kinky ". They talk a little bit more and have a couple more drinks and the woman invites the man back to her apartment. Upon arrival at the apartment, the woman excuses herself to slip into something more comfortable. She is in her bedroom for about 10 minutes and she re-enters the living room dressed in a leather dominatrix outfit, just in time to see the man getting his shoes on ready to leave. She says " where are you going I thought we were going to get kinky together? " The man replies " I already screwed your dog and crapped in your purse, I'm done "

01-26-2006, 10:21 AM	#127 (permalink)
MURDER JUNKIE The Wetter The Better!! Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: SH1TTY London Ontario Canada Posts: 2,504	A Canadian is drinking in a New York bar when he gets a call on his cell phone. He hangs up, grinning from ear to ear & orders a round of drinks for everybody in the bar because, he announces, his wife has just produced a typical Canadian baby boy weighing 25 pounds. Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but the Canadian just shrugs, "That's about average up North, folks. Like I said, my boy's a typical Canadian baby boy." Congratulations showered him from all around & many exclamations of "WOW!" were heard. One woman actually fainted due to sympathy pains. Two weeks later the Canadian returns to the bar. The bartender says "Say, you're the father of that typical Canadian baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth, aren't you? Everybody's been makin' bets about how big he'd be in two weeks. We were gonna call you... so how much does he weigh now?" The proud father answers, "Seventeen pounds." The bartender is puzzled & concerned. "What happened? He already weighed 25 pounds the day he was born." The Canadian father takes a slow swig from his Molson Canadian, wipes his lips on his shirtsleeve, leans into the bartender & proudly says, "Had him circumcised".

01-27-2006, 01:06 AM	#129 (permalink)
MURDER JUNKIE The Wetter The Better!! Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: SH1TTY London Ontario Canada Posts: 2,504	I need more jokes. POST ONE NOW!!!!